How to NOT get on the big screen at a baseball game

First of all, for those of you who disagreed with me about my review of Tina Fey's book Bossypants, thank you for sharing your opinion so kindly. I fully acknowledge that I am in the minority on this one. To be fair, I was coming off a pretty serious book, and I don't know if I was quite ready to jump right into Bossypants so soon. In any case, it's different strokes for different folks, or however that weird saying goes. 

Now, a short tale about something that happened two weekends ago when Jordan and I drove to Texas to visit my family.

 As you probably know if you've been reading this blog for any length of time, the Reese family is 100% ridiculous, and when the six of us are together, you just never know what's going to happen. Now that Jordan's joined the mix as our seventh, it's only gotten more ridiculous. 
If you don't believe me, read this post immediately about a little game we invented on a camping trip called Egg Roulette. And then read this post about the time we murdered Tweety. (Or just click on the "family" tag to the left and read them all because they're funny, and I'm not just saying that because I wrote them. Be sure not to miss the one about the inappropriate tie my grandpa wore to my cousin's wedding.)

Anyway, two weekends ago Jordan and I drove down to Texas to attend a Texas Rangers game with my family. We got pretty good seats in the upper deck, third-base side, and we spent the majority of the time between innings trying to get on the big screen. During innings--or during the commercial break for those at home--the camera randomly pans around the stadium and lands on unsuspecting spectators. 

Spectators like this guy. Seriously? 

Usually the camera lands on either hot blondes (which makes me mad on multiple levels [one being, obviously, that if such is the case they should be showing me]) or small children who are being ridiculous. 

Our family must have had neither, because despite our best efforts--waving, shouting, looking cute--the camera came nowhere near our section. We were being so obvious about it that the usher even offered some unsolicited advice: 
"The camera," he said, "doesn't come up to the third deck except sometimes during the kiss cam."

That's when I switched seats with my brother so I could sit next to Jordan and try to look as "together" as possible. The huge chipmunk pocket of sunflower seeds he was hoarding in his cheek wasn't going to help our cuteness cause.

So we watched the game and cheered, all the while keeping an eye out for any type of camera equipment and secretly booing the hot blondes. (Okay, maybe that was just me on that last one.)

It was during the fifth or sixth inning (there is still some debate on this) when Jordan announced he was leaving to get nachos. My brother and I decided to go with him, but when we got out to where the concessions where, there was a huge line. Daniel gave up instantly and went back to our seats. I decided to be nice and wait it out, but when the inning started back up, I told Jordan I was leaving him to fend for himself. 

Not two minutes after I sat down, "Deep in the Heart of Texas" started playing over the loudspeakers. My dad stood up and started clapping and stopping. I thought it was weird, but when my mom, sister, and brothers followed suite, I couldn't be the only one left out. So I stood up too, and the six of us clapped along to the song. 

And then, miracle of miracles.
I saw us on the big screen. 

Well, actually I saw my mom and dad, and I started freaking out. 
"LOOK! LOOK! IT'S US! LOOK!" I was screaming and jumping and pointing. Not exactly playing it cool like the hot blondes, but whatever. My brother, who had been alerted by my screaming, started waving like mad, and soon there we were in all our glory. I actually wasn't in the shot originally, but just before the camera left us, it moved over and zoomed out to include me. Because of the hotness, no doubt. 

My dad told me later that he only knew we were on the big screen because the guy behind him tapped him on the shoulder, pointed, and said, "You're on." 

It was only after the excitement from our five seconds of fame had died down that I noticed Jordan wasn't standing next to me. The poor guy had missed it because he was standing in line for nachos. But instead of feeling bad for him, I just felt a wave of gratefulness that I hadn't missed out on it because I was waiting for him. It's moments like these when you realize what truly matters in life.

He finally came back, and we replayed the whole scene for him. He followed up our story with one of his own about a "sassy black lady" who got mad at him for paying for his Coke and nachos with a twenty-dollar-bill. 

Not to sound dramatic, but being on the big screen was SO AWESOME. Seriously. My brother Austin even got a text from his friend saying he saw us on the big screen. Legit. It was all the more awesome because we had clearly spent a good hour (at least that long) trying to get the cameras to find us. The people sitting around us got a kick out of it too. 

My only regret is that we didn't get a quick picture of ourselves actually on the screen, but you can't have everything. 

And for Jordan, sometimes you can't have anything.
Well, I guess except nachos. That boy does love him some processed cheese. 

P.S. I took this picture after the game. You can see Six Flags over Texas from the top of Rangers Ballpark. We have no idea what's going on with the purple lights on top of the roller coaster. UFO?