It Might Make You Feel Better to Know...

1.22.2014


On my post 13 things you should ask yourself before the end of 2013 from a few weeks ago, I admitted that I am terrible at keeping a cleaning schedule. Two real-life friends of mine left me a comment to tell me how much it meant to them that I am bad at cleaning. 

I can see how, with all the running posts and the general hilarity I bring to your lives during the week, you might find yourself holding the incorrect belief that I am without flaws and keep my apartment perfectly clean whilst I cook fabulous dinners and simultaneously fold laundry with my feet. Which is actually kind of gross, so nevermind. That was a bad example of multitasking.

Ahem.

Just in case you hold this belief as well, I thought I should set the record straight. I am, in fact, a regular human person who doesn't have it all together. And it just might make you feel better to know...

...I don't floss. Except when I have corn in my teeth. I count these occasions as "sometimes," which is what I tell my dentist when he asks if I floss.

...Sometimes I forget I washed a load of laundry and let it sit, wet, in the washer for a few days, wherein I open the washer to do a load of laundry and find wet, musty clothes. Then I get sad.

...Sometimes when I actually remember to put the clothes in the washer, I forget to take them out of the dryer, in which case I wonder where all my underwear went, only to find a full load of dry, wrinkled clothes that's been sitting in the dryer for a week. Then I get sad.

...I do not own a mop.

...My cleaning schedule consists of speed cleaning when I know someone is coming over. 

...I eat a lot of peanut butter directly from the jar with a spoon. A lot of peanut butter.

...I always choose the larger size spoon over the smaller size when peanut butter is involved.

...When I make chocolate chip cookies, I always save some of the dough in a separate jar to eat later. And by "some" of the dough, I mean a lot of the dough.

...Last year, I didn't take down my Christmas wreath until July.

...This year I'm well on my way to breaking that record.

...Once, I woke up early before work to do a Jillian Michaels video and then fell asleep in the middle of the floor.

...I can't seem to ever remember to replace the toilet paper. Jordan and I fight about this on the daily, as kids these days like to say.

...There's a jar of something weird in the back of my refrigerator. It's been back there for a while, and now I'm kind of scared to touch it. I think it's growing things.

...Sometimes (read: all the time) I say things that I think are really funny, and everyone just stares at me. It's awkward.

...The first time I tried to put my bookshelf together, I built it backwards.

...I took it apart and built it again. Backwards.

...I only recently discovered that there's such a thing as dusting your ceiling fan.

...Speaking of dusting...
Actually, I'd rather not talk about it.

...One time, I had to say the alphabet out loud so I could figure out where Z was. That is a 100% true story, and I honestly can't decide if it's more hilarious or horrifying.

I could go on, but I think I've been honest enough for one day.


What should I know about you that will make ME feel better?
Do share.

66 comments:

  1. We only ever clean our house when people are coming over too! I also eat a lot of Nutella with a spoon straight out of the jar. I always choose a large spoon too.

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  2. The peanut butter, cookie dough, and speed cleaning are so me. I clean out our fridge every time I do a big grocery shopping trip. Although, it did take me about a week to toss out the expired cream and iced coffee. If it doesn't smell, it's not a big deal.

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  3. great idea on keeping a jar of cookie dough! lol.

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  4. Hahaha the backwards bookshelf cracked me up! I'm guilty of eating nutella out of the jar and ice cream out of the carton. I go to bed with dirty dishes still in my sink sometimes... And my baby is 16 months old, but my motto is still "sleep when the baby sleeps"... I just like my naps!

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  5. Today I carried out a salad and a piece of chocolate cake for dinner. They messed up my order and they had to repeat, "you got a salad and a piece of chocolate cake!?" over and over. Oy vey.

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  6. This is so great. I also don't floss - and my husband's going to BE a dentist, so that's extra horrible. And I think I buy a jar of peanut butter every time I go to the store. There might be one in my desk at work. And I, too, forget to change the toilet paper, so Daniel and I "fight on the daily" about it. Thanks for begin real. {And I think you're hilarious, so I don't know why those people are just staring at you.}

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  7. I once tried to hard boil an egg in the microwave. That turned out about as awesome as you would expect.
    When it snows, I usually try to get away with the "roll down the power windows as a means of getting snow off" instead of brushing it off like a good driver. It's flipping cold out!

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  8. Some of these are too funny. I'm a total neat-freak, definitely OCD about keeping a clean house, but I'm also guilty of leaving clothes in both the washer and the dryer. And the toilet paper room. Who actually changes those things?

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  9. Oh, girl. You just made my evening: I feel so much better to know I'm not alone!

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  10. I love this! I am so with you on speed cleaning, peanut butter, dusting, saving cookie dough, and forgetting to switch the laundry.. at least yours makes it to the dryer! :D

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  11. I just laughed so hard at that last one. I'm sure I've done something similar before. I'm also 100% with you on the toilet paper, gross jars in the fridge and not dusting the fan. And I would say 99% of the reasons my fiance and I ever fight is probably because of those 3 things right there. Oops.

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  12. We do not own a mop either and one day Fredrik got super annoyed at all the spots on the kitchen floor so went around with a wash cloth and spot cleaned it! I was in awe but I cannot get him to do it again for some reason.

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  13. I am definitely a speed cleaning kind of girl, too. Especially when it comes to the bathroom. Oops. The Z thing cracks me up!! Hahaha. I love the unedited Amanda.

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  14. I love this! Thank you for the honesty. When you're reading someone's blog it's always so easy to just assume their life is so perfect (or looking at someone's life through the lens of social media). I also don't floss, which my husband gives me dirty looks about every night. Oops!

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    1. Oh yes. I don't want anyone to assume I have it all together. If this post is any indication, I most certainly do not! :)

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  15. I did a power hour of cleaning last night because we have company coming over to stay the night for the first time in like, 4 years! That will totally motivate you to clean EVERYTHING in your house.

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  16. I love that you are an editor and had to say the Alphabet to get to Z. You are too cute!

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  17. I'm not sure what it was about building the bookshelf backwards.. twice, but it got me. I laughed. Hard. One of those, "This is really awkward that I'm audibly laughing at something I'm reading while sitting in my currently silent library, but I just can't help it. Maybe I should stop soon." kind of laughs.
    I should know to wait to read your posts until after my assistant leaves. He must think I'm crazy.

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    1. Jordan literally walked in, shook his head, and left the room.
      I NEVER CLAIMED TO BE GOOD WITH TOOLS.

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  18. OH MY GOSH I DO THAT WITH MY LAUNDRY TOO! I have no problem doing the dishes but when it comes to laundry CHECK, CHECK, CHECK! And i died when you said "and then i get sad"

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  19. Oh man, this is like looking a mirror--especially, "My cleaning schedule consists of speed cleaning when I know someone is coming over." I aspire to be a clean and organized person, as my Pinerest boards prove, but in real life, ain't nobody got time for that! I can't remember the last time I dusted, and if that's the case, I better get to work!

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  20. Girl you crack me up!! I love reading your posts :)

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  21. I love it when bloggers have posts like this - it's refreshing to be reminded that despite what we show the world through social media we don't always have it together!

    Also, I'm the worlds worst about cleaning out my fridge. Every few months I pretty much just throw away all the tupperware that's been shoved in the back corner because I'm scared to open it up. And I suck at flossing. I may do it once a week and that's only because my husband gives me the stank eye if I don't.

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  22. I'm the worst when it comes to washing pillowcases. Fresh sheets? No problem. But washing the pillowcases always ends up on a "to do" list for another day. It's pretty gross when I stop and think about it.

    Loved your list... I can relate to so many, and it cracked me up!

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  23. These are all pretty accurate of myself too...except the big spoon, for some reason the big spoon just scares me, I NEVER use it, even with PB.

    But I actually just laughed out loud about the alphabet comment. We've all been there.

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    1. Ha! The big spoon is a little bit scary....

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  24. love posts like these! :) they make me feel less alone.
    we cleaned out our pantry & had a few jars that had expired about 5 years ago.....and by a few i mean quite a bit!

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  25. Thank you for this post. :) I needed all those laughs!

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  26. Haha. These really do make me feel better about myself. ;-)

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  27. Oh how I love this post!! I love finding out that I'm not the only weird one out there (and I mean that in the best way!!).

    I make some random noises or sing parts of my sentences when talking. I don't always realize I'm doing it until I see mom roll her eyes, or J shake his head.

    I also make up words instead of swearing. We weren't allowed to swear in my house growing up, so it started you. I will often say "Oh shnocker-noddles" or "oh, fudge muffin". People at work used to look at me funny, now I think they just expect it. They get all out of whack if I actually swear.

    ~Katy

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    1. That's funny. I actually do the same thing with swear words sometimes too. Fudge muffin is one I've actually said!

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  28. I really have an addiction to peanut butter too! I really hate dusting and mopping so those are the two always seriously lacking in my house. There is just to much to do in a day those things can wait! :)

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  29. I laughed SO hard while reading these! I do the whole laundry thing, cookie dough thing, dusting thing (who thinks to dust the fan!?), and speed cleaning thing. Our downstairs is pretty much spotless, but if our friends went upstairs they would discover that is where we store our junk. Oh, this is too good.

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  30. Hahah I love this idea for a post.

    Girl, I have to alphabetize things all the time at work and have to say it to myself almost daily...so don't feel bad!

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  31. Both laundry confessions could have come straight from my mouth. I am the worst about forgetting about that!

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  32. I honestly believe I have laundry in both my washer AND dryer right now. I can't move the washer to the dryer because the dryer clothes have been in there so long that they are all wrinkled. *sigh* I hate doing laundry!

    It'd be easier if I could just afford to buy new clothes on the regular.

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  33. Haha. I just love your honesty. I hate cleaning and am totally a speed cleaner as well! High five!

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  34. Hilarious about the bookshelf! And I am so so with you on the peanut butter and washing of clothes! I forget all the time. Pretty ridiculous. Lol. But--I do floss nightly!

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  35. Thanks for admitting your imperfections. Here are a few of mine.
    1. I just recently found out that there is a food trapper thing in the bottom of the dishwasher that you're supposed to clean out? Found some stuff in there from 2+ years ago.
    2. I let my border collie get bored because I'm too lazy to go take her for walks or play with her in the backyard. :( I'm a horrible person.
    3. I'm a huge hypocrite. I will eat cake for breakfast but make my children eat oatmeal. Just today I ate half a dozen cookies and only let them each have one.

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    1. Okay, #1? DID NOT KNOW THAT. I'm kind of mad you told me, cuz now I am obligated to check, and that just sounds gross.

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  36. When washing my hair, I take the loose hairs that come out in my hand and stick them to the shower wall so they don't clog my drain. And most of the time I just leave it there instead of throwing it in the trash can. So…I probably shouldn't have shared that.

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    1. Girl, please. I do that every day! I usually throw it away after, but sometimes I forget, and then Jordan gets a nice surprise...

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  37. yay! i'm so behind too in the cleaning department. usually i just want to throw myself in bed after work. can we high-five now?

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  38. You are the funniest person I know! Loved this post!!

    Sx

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  39. I just really want to hang out with you. We can each have our own jar of peanut butter and larger-not-smaller spoon and say awkward things. It would be awesome.

    -Amy

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  40. hahaha this is the best post, I actually laughed out loud on the "z" one, because i always have to say the alphabet out loud to figure out where letters are! And as much as I want to be that girl with the clean, perfectly organized and decorated house, I'm not. There are a lot of clothes on my floor right now. And my bed isn't made. So, I'm with you on that one! Actually, I'm with you on basically everything on this list! Just took our Christmas stuff down last weekend. Happy Friday!

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  41. So funny, and great to hear! I'm the worst about leaving wet things in the laundry (that's why laundry is the husband's chore) and I forget to replace the TP too. Hubby really doesn't like that. haha

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  42. Thanks for the idea of saving some cookie dough! And I didn't know about the dishwasher thing...I may have to just continue living like I never heard that!

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  43. ugh I can't cleaning too- I can handle like picking up after myself a little everyday but cleaning the bathrooms.. least favorite.

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  44. you ARE a real person!!
    you can dust ceiling fans?? wow, now I have to add that to my list, thanks a lot!
    back when I used to bake chickens (now I only buy the rotisserie chickens at the grocery store) I often baked them upside down.

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  45. I admit I once Googled "how to use a garlic press." YouTube has saved me on more than one occasion. :)

    Per your list: I'm with you on the laundry, and your troubles with "z" made me laugh. While working in a library, I realized I frequently confuse the order of "J, K, L" and "P, Q, R," a confusion I ATTRIBUTE to the ABC song. I am so used to melodically linking "L, M, N, O, P," but my brain never learned the surrounding letters as well. :)

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  46. If only we could just be open and honest......there would be more laughter and less judging, I imagine. Thanks for being honest!

    The Z at the back of the alphabet reminded me of my geometry class a few years ago. I had labeled a figure's vertices A, B, C, and D and one of my students exclaimed....."hey, isn't there a song that says that?" and in unison the rest of the class sang the ABCs to her. It was good times.

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  47. I have to use the building washer and dryer but when I had my own, I'd leave it sitting in the dryer for so long the clothes would need to be washed again to get rid of the wrinkles!

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  48. Saying the alphabet out loud to figure out where z was....that cracked me up!! Living in the tropics taught me not to ever leave laundry in the washer--it will start smelling musty by the end of the day...but sometimes I do forget about laundry in the dryer!

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  49. hey laundry twin! i just remembered i have cold wrinkled laundry in the dryer when I read this post. I'll go turn the dryer on again to freshen things up!!

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  50. I am a lllllllll over that PB in the big spoon…because it makes you think oh good I won't have to double dip…but then you do anyway :)

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  51. hahahah! I love all of these! Your just human, don't feel bad ;) And I'm pretty sure I have quite a few of those things in common! Especially the laundry things! I also do not own a mop... I love the big spoon for ice cream and peanut butter :) If it makes you feel any better... I'm really bad at not flushing the toilet.. or just going to the bathroom with the door open... or sharing my spoon/fork with my dogs... I'll stop there with just a few things :)

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  52. Charlie is the best thing that ever happened to my peanut butter habit. It's one of his favorite things ever and I can't bear the guilty eyes he gives me when I stand at the counter with the jar and a (big) spoon so I've stopped mainlining it. Only my love for this dog could have changed me so fundamentally.

    p.s. I don't own a mop either! Long live the Swiffer.

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  53. I can identify with so much of this. Thanks for the laugh :D

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  54. So, you know, if you turn the ceiling fan off, let it sit for a bit (read: 2 months) and then turn it on high all the dust just comes flying off. You don't have to get on a ladder and dust it then - viola! all clean! I wouldn't know that from experience or anything though.

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  55. I love every single bit of this! It spoke right to me, telling me "You do all of these things too!" :)

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