The Rage

10.30.2014

As was evidenced by my car naps, it takes me approximately .476 seconds to fall asleep at night. I go to bed before Jordan almost every night, and even if he's only five minutes behind me, there's a strong possibility I'll be passed out by the time he comes in the room.

Example:

I lie down. 
Jordan goes to brush his teeth. 
He comes out of the bathroom. 
I am asleep.

He tries to be quiet when he comes in, but sometimes he coughs or, you know, breathes. That's when the rage hits.

The rage is what we've started calling the irrational state of mind that exists between me being fully awake and fully asleep. It doesn't happen every night, but I'd say every other week I go into rage mode.

Basically, what happens is that Jordan accidentally wakes me up, and I become full of rage. Except I'm not fully awake, so everything is super dramatic and exaggerated, even though I firmly believe I'm awake and being normal.

The rage usually involves me yelling at him to be quiet. But I don't stop there. I've also tried to punch/kick him in...places.

One time, I yelled at him then started crying. We're talking legit sobbing crying, not fake crying. After I got done sobbing my eyes out (approximately 3.2 seconds later) I glared at him, grabbed my pillow, and marched out of the room, vowing to sleep on the couch until morning.

Halfway to the door I forgot what I was doing and came back to bed. The rage doesn't hold grudges.

Sometimes I yell at him then start laughing hysterically. Jordan, finding this hilarious, will start laughing, and that will make me really mad and I'll yell at him. Then I'll start crying. The best part is, once the state of rage has passed and sleep has resumed, I will wake up the next morning and not remember anything.

Occasionally I remember parts of it, but it all feels like a dream. Thankfully, Jordan thinks it's hilarious. I'm glad he's not mad at me for yelling at him for no reason, but he understands that I'm asleep and don't know what I'm doing.
Just last week, Jordan was calmly reading and I was sleeping beside him, when he got a text, and his phone pinged. I instantly woke up in a rage. I grabbed my pillow and stormed into the other room and locked the door behind me. Jordan chased me down and promised to be quiet if I just came to bed. No sooner had I shut my eyes before he farted the loudest fart ever. You guys, it was so loud, and Jordan was just about dying laughing. Let's just say the rage was not happy.

I swear I wasn't this weird of a sleeper until I got married. It does things to you!


Anyone else know what I'm talking about with the rage? I can't be the only one.
What are your weird sleeping habits?
___________

Related:
Ways I Annoy Jordan While Sleeping [PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE]

45 comments:

  1. OH MY GOSH I thought I was the only one with drifting to sleep rage! I get a rage too....Probably happens once every few months. I get so embarrassed the next day thinking about how absolutely childish I was acting. I am happy (?) to know though, that I am not the only one who goes into this absolutely psychotic, unnecessary rage! So, THANK YOU!

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  2. Fredrik is like this if he falls asleep on the couch, he will start saying I am so mean and why do I never let him do what he wants it is hilarious and frustrating all at the same time. I am only like this if I get woken after sleeping for several hours, once I was sleeping soundly and Fredrik was not so he decided to start playing some music and the anger that came from me was like a volcano.

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  3. Lol! Oh, this is too funny. I'm a really light sleeper, but I'm either asleep or awake - I don't have that half-asleep illogical brain. My sister does, though.

    Not rage, but she can be coherent enough to turn the alarm off (even when it's set to have a math problem to solve before you can snooze it), and even talk to people, but later she never remembers it.

    I remember one day she specifically asked me to wake her up for a test in a morning class. So when her alarm went off, I went into her room and shook her until she looked somewhat coherent. She then proceeded to explain that class had been canceled and she no longer needed to be up at that time. I, suspecting nothing unusual, accepted this statement and left her alone.

    Later that day she texted me, "Why didn't you wake me up? I missed my test!" No memory of our interaction. Her half-asleep brain was coherent enough to have a conversation with me and form convincing lies in order to go back to sleep!

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    1. That is hilarious! Oh my gosh. One time, I woke up in a rage, and Jordan was like "you're not awake." And I was like "I AM AWAKE. Quiz me." So I made him ask me questions about the football game we'd watched the night before, like who was the quarterback and what the final score was. I answered them all right, but in the morning I didn't remember anything about it! haha.

      That's hilarious her alarm is set to make her solve a math problem. I've never heard of anything like that before.

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  4. I'm so glad I was alone when I read this because I just laughed ridiculously hard. This is so freakin' funny. I can't even handle it.

    I fall asleep suuuper fast too. I always claimed I didn't, but the times I stay at Michael's, he points out that in the time it takes him to get comfortable, I'm ouuuuuut. And when I'm out, I'm out. I'm a pretty heavy sleeper.
    This also leads me to the fact Michael claims he doesn't snore, but there have been numerous occasions at his apt in which I have woken up to have him snoring directly into my ear. When your snoring wakes up the deep sleeper, it should be taken as a sign that you do, indeed, snore.

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  5. HAHA! i do this SO much it is ridiculous. My husband hates it and thinks it is funny. Mine also happens in the middle of the night if he half wakes me up!

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  6. LOL! I feel your pain. I'm the same way. When the Hubbo wakes me up because I fell asleep on the couch at night, I immediately start to question/interrogate him. It doesn't seem to bother him either, but he tells me I'm not very nice when I'm that groggy! Ha!

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  7. Thank you so much for posting this-I thought I was the only one (and just a B) but it must be something legit if other people do the same thing :)

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  8. HAHA hilarious. SO jealous you fall asleep so fast. Seriously, that is amazing.

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  9. This is so funny! I definitely don't suffer from the same thing, but I do fall asleep super fast. I love it. It actually makes me mad when I can't fall asleep for some reason, because that like never happens to me.

    Jordan is a good man!

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    1. He is a good man to put up with that! He just laughs.

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  10. Nope. It takes me forever to fall asleep (unfortunately) so if anyone is going to experience any rage it would be my husband and he doesn't wake up easy. I WISH I fell asleep in .476 seconds; but I guess it has it's drawbacks!

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  11. I have had the rage before but I am fully aware of it. I hate when my sleep gets disturbed.

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  12. LOL- okay... so are you sleepwalking/talking?!! I'm completely jealous you can fall asleep that fast- it takes me all night!

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  13. I have experienced the rage once or twice in my lifetime, that I remember. Mostly when I'm really, really run down and tired though. So it's like I have to drive myself to the place of rage. It is impressive that you fall asleep so quickly. That's a gift.

    -Amy (A Desert Girl)
    For some reason blogger is no longer letting me comment using the Wordpress profile....

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  14. Hilarious! This sounds like a friend when she's sleepwalking. Can't say I know what it's like though....

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  15. Haha. That's so funny! I've never heard of something like this before. I certainly wish I had your ability to fall asleep in half a second. Last night Nate had to work until 4am and since I knew he was still out and about I could only doze until then. My alarm at 7 sure came early!

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  16. This kills me. That twilight stage between being awake and asleep is so bizarre for everyone. I don't really think I do anything weird (not that I know of at least), but my boyfriend will say the funniest things to me. The other night he said, "You never text me anymore," which I can assure you is absolutely untrue.

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  17. This was so great! I am just a crazy light sleeper so I wake up to everything, but not in a rage. I just get hangry and hulk out or if i get hurt I hulk out. That's what Tyler calls it. You have it too! You hulk out in your sleep!

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  18. Oh my goodness, this is too funny/I'm sure it's not funny for you at the time. I take forever to fall asleep, but my husband is like you and seems to fall asleep instantly-- so i'm super jealous of that! But I can't say we've ever experienced "the rage".... haha

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  19. Hahaha this made me laugh so hard! I have the exact same thing but not as frequently. It's almost the same sort of rage I get when I'm hangry. Too funny!

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  20. I'm quick to fall asleep too! Kevin teases me for falling asleep mid sentence.

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  21. OMG I'm dying over this! Too funny. It takes me a long time to fall asleep so when I get woken up I get pretty angry. Last night I got a phone call (assuming it was a wrong number) after midnight...just, why?!

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  22. Oh my gosh this was too funny and too true. At first I was like nah I don't have the rage... and then I remember that I DO have the rage... it just looks slightly different. If I fall asleep on the couch and then have to wake up and do something in between moving from the couch to the bed, I go into THE RAGE. I remember it but not super well the next morning. It's so bad and it's good to know I'm not the only one. Also, if you wake me up from a nap you just better watch out because that's when the real monster comes out. I am quite jealous that you can fall asleep that quickly though! That is a talent I don't share :0)

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    1. I think the rage is a real thing for sure. People just get it at different times, but no one likes being woken up! We have a family joke about one time my brothers were shooting Nerf guns and hit my dad and woke him up from a nap. He went into a rage, and now we all like to tell that story and laugh about it. :)

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  23. This is hilarious! As for me, I am not familiar with The Rage (at least, not that one!). You sure know how to entertain your husband, though. :)

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  24. I rage when awoken in the middle of the night, too. I have cussed Mike out so many times, and he thinks it's hilarious because words come out of my mouth that would make a trucker blush (he finds it funny because my idea of swearing is saying, "oh sugar"). I really hope that my children are never subjected to the rage.

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  25. This is too funny! I am not acquainted with your level of The Rage, more like a subdued feeling of madness. I usually mumble something when I'm woken up, turn around and fall back asleep, to continue dreaming about toilets without walls. We all have different ways of entertainment! It seems Jordan has it best, all the fun without having to go through it himself :-)

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  26. Girl, you just get funnier and funnier. Thank you so much for these laughs! :) I cannot for the life of my imagine you full of rage, but it sounds like quite the experience (for you and your husband!).

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  27. I truly have never experienced that "rage", but I have experienced a weird sleep-walking thing in between sleep and awake, and usually just after I fall asleep. When I was in high school, I woke up several times about a half hour after I would fall asleep and start taking things out of my drawer to 'get ready for school'. And obviously I knew what I wanted to wear, and that was pantyhose. ALL THE TIME. My mom would come in and have to talk me back into bed. I did that a lot, but I don't know exactly why!

    By the way, laughed my way through this whole post. You have a great way of telling stories :)

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  28. Oh this made me laugh! You and your sleep-anger. I don't get rage when I'm sleeping, but I do have the same ability to fall asleep instantly. Like you said, if I get in bed while Angel's brushing his teeth, I'll be asleep before he's in bed. I do get really, really confused when I'm sleeping or very close to it. Like, when he does come back from brushing his teeth, he might wake me up a bit and I'll ask, "Where were you? Why were you gone for so long? Is it morning? What time is it?"

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  29. So funny! I have a terrible time sleeping, so I don't experience this. But it is pretty funny. I used to go to bed HOURS before my hubby for work. He said I would occasionally do strange things when he came to bed, but no RAGE.

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  30. "The rage doesn't hold grudges."

    I just died. This is hilarious. And I love that Jordan thinks it's funny.

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  31. I don't have "sleep rage" but according to my husband, who is always the last to fall asleep between the two of us, says I get up and/or talk in my sleep while he is still up. And I never remember it either. One time I did catch him, came to after a little, responding to and asking me questions. I didn't think that was very cool.

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  32. I love this because I do the same thing. Mine comes out when I fall asleep on the couch and a few hours later wake up with the husband still watching tv. "Why didn't you wake me up?! Why didn't you make me go to bed?!"

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  33. Oh gosh, this post had me laughing so hard! It's all too familiar... If my boyfriend wakes me up at all I will go on crazy rants about people needing sleep to go to work and how it's not all fun and games, but in the morning I have no recollection! The rage is such a good name for it, lol!

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  34. Bahahaha! YES. Lamar knows my rage all too well, but it's a little different. Lamar is a night owl, so he stays up till like 1 am some nights playing his games...AND THEN I'll wake up to a loud boom and "behind you behind you!" That's when my rage begins.
    Luckily that doesn't happen all that often, but when it does...RAGE.

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  35. HAHAHA I just cracked up reading this because this could have been written about me! I do craaazy things in my sleep... including speaking French to my husband (who doesn't understand any of it) and screaming so loud when I have a nightmare that I wake other people up. Whoops!

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  36. Oh my goodness, this is absolutely hilarious! It's a good thing Jordan is so chill about it and finds it funny. I find it really funny that you don't even remember parts of it. Oh man, that's intense.

    Also, I just saw your most recent post about turning off comments occasionally. I'm hoping that you'll write more about your thoughts on it as you experience it. I'm really curious how it goes for you!

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  37. i'm rolling right now
    "the rage doesn't hold grudges"
    and you stomping off and locking the door.
    then him farting
    and HOW DARE THAT PHONE PING!
    ohhhh man this is awesome!

    (side note: read your turning off comments piece, i'm really interested to see what you glean from it! i think the thought behind it is fantastic.)

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  38. So interesting! I usually fall asleep very quickly too, and often can't remember waking up in the middle of the night. I don't think I have the sleep rage though. However, P has started snoring where it wakes me up and I had a complete melt down at 3 in the morning one night, sobbing about being awake. I don't know what hit me that night.

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  39. Bahaha I feel bad laughing but this is so funny! I especially like this part: "The rage doesn't hold grudges." That's good! :) When my husband and I first started living together, I apparently punched him (twice!) in my sleep one night after he tried to take the covers back (I'm a notorious cover-stealer). Whoops. :/

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  40. I though it was just me. That space between awake and asleep is not a peaceful one for me.

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  41. Ohhh, this reminds me of Lucy in the I Love Lucy episode "Lucy Goes to Scotland." If I remember right, when she woke up from her dream at the end of the show she started beating her sleeping husband with a pillow (poor Ricky), because of what he did in the dream.

    You're a good story teller! And I love your latest post--haha...sorry, I had to find a way to get around the no comment rules. ;)

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  42. I LOVE your stories! They crack me up. Todd and I don't have this rage while sleeping. However, once when he was asleep, he sneezed and farted at the same time, and it woke him up. His INSTANT reaction was to say, "It wasn't me." I mean, he said it like the second he awoke. I wish I had it on video, but it still makes me laugh.

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