As was evidenced by my car naps, it takes me approximately .476 seconds to fall asleep at night. I go to bed before Jordan almost every night, and even if he's only five minutes behind me, there's a strong possibility I'll be passed out by the time he comes in the room.
I lie down.
Jordan goes to brush his teeth.
He comes out of the bathroom.
I am asleep.
He tries to be quiet when he comes in, but sometimes he coughs or, you know, breathes. That's when the rage hits.
The rage is what we've started calling the irrational state of mind that exists between me being fully awake and fully asleep. It doesn't happen every night, but I'd say every other week I go into rage mode.
Basically, what happens is that Jordan accidentally wakes me up, and I become full of rage. Except I'm not fully awake, so everything is super dramatic and exaggerated, even though I firmly believe I'm awake and being normal.
The rage usually involves me yelling at him to be quiet. But I don't stop there. I've also tried to punch/kick him in...places.
One time, I yelled at him then started crying. We're talking legit sobbing crying, not fake crying. After I got done sobbing my eyes out (approximately 3.2 seconds later) I glared at him, grabbed my pillow, and marched out of the room, vowing to sleep on the couch until morning.
Halfway to the door I forgot what I was doing and came back to bed. The rage doesn't hold grudges.
Sometimes I yell at him then start laughing hysterically. Jordan, finding this hilarious, will start laughing, and that will make me really mad and I'll yell at him. Then I'll start crying. The best part is, once the state of rage has passed and sleep has resumed, I will wake up the next morning and not remember anything.
Occasionally I remember parts of it, but it all feels like a dream. Thankfully, Jordan thinks it's hilarious. I'm glad he's not mad at me for yelling at him for no reason, but he understands that I'm asleep and don't know what I'm doing.
Just last week, Jordan was calmly reading and I was sleeping beside him, when he got a text, and his phone pinged. I instantly woke up in a rage. I grabbed my pillow and stormed into the other room and locked the door behind me. Jordan chased me down and promised to be quiet if I just came to bed. No sooner had I shut my eyes before he farted the loudest fart ever. You guys, it was so loud, and Jordan was just about dying laughing. Let's just say the rage was not happy.I swear I wasn't this weird of a sleeper until I got married. It does things to you!
Anyone else know what I'm talking about with the rage? I can't be the only one.
What are your weird sleeping habits?