There's Always Chocolate

3.27.2015

If you tried to find me on Thursday morning around 9:15 a.m., you would have discovered me sobbing in my car and angry texting Jordan about the outrage that is insurance. I won’t go into the whole thing, but the short story is that Wednesday night, the 2015 Oklahoma storm season started off with a bang. Golf ball-sized hail and winds so strong they flipped over cars on the highway and, oh yeah, tornado sirens that forced us into my in-laws’ storm shelter.

Basically just your regular Wednesday.

As you know, my bladder is now the size of a peanut, and when I asked my mother-in-law what I should do if I needed to pee, she pointed to the corner and said, “We’ve got a bucket."

Comforting.

Thankfully it didn’t come to that, but when I did finally emerge from the shelter, I saw something even more terrifying: a splintered windshield.
Are there worse things? Of course there are. I’m not trying to compare my cracked windshield to cancer or a car accident. But sometimes it just all seems like too much, and you have what I like to call “a moment."

The house buying progress is moving along, and with that has come the reality that we are about to spend almost all the money it’s taken years to save and go back into debt for the first time since we paid off the last of my student loans a few years ago. Paying for an appraisal. The inspection. A refrigerator. A washer and dryer. A lawn mower. Oh, and now a new windshield. Plus my left brake light decided to kick it yesterday and my brakes are squealing. (And no, insurance will not pay for my windshield. Because deductibles. Ruining lives since 1902.)

And what’s that now? Ah yes, a baby. How could I forget.

Diapers. Car seat. Clothes. Butt rash cream, because apparently that's a thing.

Oh, and wait. I’m pregnant! My stomach is huge! MY PANTS DON’T FIT.

Goodbye, money. It was nice knowing you.

I don’t know what the point of telling you all this is. Maybe it’s because I want to acknowledge that while there are so many blessings, so many exciting things happening right now, it’s also scary and overwhelming and just hard. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies. In fact, on Wednesday it was giant balls of ice.

Finally having the house I’ve dreamed about won’t solve my problems. Actually, it seems to be making more of them. Having the baby I feared would never come won’t turn me into someone who faces life with unwavering positivity. Actually, it seems to be making me worried about everything.

But I’m not the only one who feels like this sometimes, and neither are you. And sometimes, a girl just needs an ugly cry in her car in the middle of the work day because it’s just. too. much.

And then after, you wipe your eyes and say a prayer and get out of the car. (And if you’re me, you call your mother.)

Because yes, you've become THAT person driving around in a ghetto car, and your new house will basically be empty until you can afford furniture, and your baby most likely will not have the cutest nursery that Pinterest has ever seen because the nearest IKEA is 200 miles away and even if you had time to drive there your car wouldn't make it anyway.

AND OKAY FINE YOUR PANTS AREN'T ZIPPED ALL THE WAY.

But yesterday you found $5 in your wallet, and later you’re going to get a milkshake. Because at the end of the day, there's always chocolate.

38 comments:

  1. Thank goodness for $5 moments, right? I hope your milkshake was delicious!

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  2. Ahhh all of that was sucky and would of had me in major tears too, I even made Fredrik come look at how big the hail was and agrees major suck fest.

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  3. Living life to the fullest is as scary business, man. For real. We all experience those moments of overwhelming panic and frustration, and while we hope it doesn't happen to anyone else, it's sometimes comforting to know that you're not the only one who has sat in a car and ugly cried. I'm sending you an awkward e-hug!

    I almost feel bad because when I first heard about the round of storms you all got, I thought, "Ooo! I need to see if that affected Amanda!" But like, I got to work that day and forgot (because.. life). So I'm glad you all are ok, but the cracked windshield sucks. A few years ago, right after I got a new car, Knoxville got hit by one of this biggest storms in years. I was still working retail, and my car sat completely unprotected in the middle of a parking lot while I watched it get demolished. The hail caused a couple thousand dollars worth of damage, and I was stuck with a really smelly rental car for weeks. It was the worst. :P

    And now I really want a milkshake.

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    1. I will forgive you for not being more concerned ;)

      Honestly, my in-laws have a shelter, so basically any time a storm is coming we'll be underground, which does make me feel much safer. I feel silly complaining about a windshield when people's entire houses got ruined, but I think it was just everything that was overwhelming. Oh, life. Good to know I'm not the only one who's ugly cried. Sometimes it's necessary!

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  4. thanks for sharing this! so glad that i'm not the only one who ugly cries in her car during lunch sometimes! even though knowing that doesn't make any difference... it's encouraging to know i'm not the only one! :) and, at least there's no shortage of chocolate in the foreseeable future!

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  5. You're absolutely right. Even good things don't come without their struggles - growing pains, maybe? Getting used to a new normal? But it's not like you're going through all of these hard things only to have nothing to show for it. A new house that's all yours and a new baby are worth more than a plush bank account, no? If nothing else, at least you got a milkshake out of the deal ;)

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  6. And after the ugly cry you'll remember that Ikea delivers, not everything for baby needs to be brand new (but probably the butt cream should be) and that the fact that you put down as much as you did means that you'll realize the equity in your new home that much sooner. Not trying to discredit your worries, but everything looks bleakest through your tears.

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    1. So true. After I was done crying, I was like, it's all totally fine. And it will be fine and IS fine. But sometimes being an adult and actually paying for your own crap just really sucks. BUT I'm headed to Chicago this weekend to hang out with some of my best friends, so yay for that!

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  7. Ohhh...the roller coaster of emotions that is pregnancy! Tears will fall from my eyes at the drop of a hat....seriously...and sometimes I don't even know WHY I'm crying. Granted, you had every reason to cry even if your emotions weren't multiplied by a million. So.Much.Going.On! It definitely is overwhelming...but the light is shining REALLY BRIGHT at the end of the tunnel!

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  8. Oh boy. What a week! When it rains it poors...or hails and there's no stopping it. I had a rough week too. Not like yours, but it its own way it was hard. And yes lots of tears and crying and callin my mom or husband or sister. But the best person to talk to is our Father in Heaven. He already knows what you're going through and can give you much more comfort than anyone else. Most of the time he doesn't calm the storm, but he makes you strong and brave enough to get through it. I hope next week things fall in a better place for you.

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    1. That is very true, Jenny. It is always comforting to remember that God has a plan, and thinking about everything I've been blessed with always cheers me up :)

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  9. Yes, it is absolutely ok to have an ugly-crying moment in your car. Life is scary, change is scary, becoming a parent is scary. All of the above are generally expensive too. But you know what? It's just money. God will provide. Also - you'll probably have a baby shower, so get working on that registry girl!

    I've definitely been there. Deep breaths! Everything will work out. And you're right - there's always chocolate!

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  10. So sorry for all the craziness from your week! So thankful for grace in weeks like that. :) Yes, there is always glorious chocolate ;)

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  11. UGH you poor thing. I wish I could hug you. I don't know how you survive tornado season...it's nowhere near as bad in Ohio and yet I'm still a basket case every spring/summer. Also, I got a cracked windshield too (from a jerk dump truck on the highway) that insurance won't cover, so I've been driving around with it that way since July, because there has always been something more important to put our money towards. Now go get a second milkshake...for the baby ;)

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  12. Lol and awwww. Definitely been there and felt all of those things!! We had to replace out windshield a month or so ago and yes, it is very irritating! Also yeah,
    Ikea needs to be a lot closer than Kansas City.

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  13. Holy humongous hailball, it's huuuugggeee! Crying is sometimes the only thing you can do to feel better. Hope you're feeling better today!

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  14. Oh friend! I wondered about you guys as we watched the news Wednesday night and the weather warnings were being issued. Boo. Just boo. Ya know, money doesn't solve problems, but not having it sure is stressful. And deductibles. Ugh. We've switched insurance companies so many times in the nearly 3 years we've owned our house. And ghetto cars are great! For the nursery? Resale shops!!! Then find a friend/family member who likes to sew and put them to work. And a friend who likes to paint. It's the only way to do it (screw you Pinterest for making us think otherwise!)! And good girl for praying first and then calling your mom. I do the same, but I gotta remember Jesus can fix it, and Mom can only listen. Hugs from Houston!

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  15. Glad you were ok! My brother was taking cover, but thankfully they were ok too!!!! Isn't that the reality, that even though we are so blessed (new baby, new house, etc) that doesn't mean that life is all warm fuzzies? Reminds us to keep our eyes fixed on HIM despite all the good things that are right in front of us! I know that He will provide just exactly what you need and when you need it!

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  16. I’m sorry to hear about all of this. I know its hard. I’m not pregnant but we are buying a house and it seems like everything we have saved for the past two years is going down the drain. I know its for our life but is really hard to see your banking account slipping down to lower digits. There is comfort in seeing the extra money there in case of an emergency but at the wrong time everything else goes wront also. I’ve always been told its better to have the money saved and spend it then to have to borrow it. Good luck with everything!

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  17. It does you good to vent to understanding family and friends (even blog friends). And everything will turn out fine (but you know that, being a woman of faith).

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  18. I'm so glad you were okay with all that crazy weather!! I'd hug you if I could; hope you're feeling a little better by now :) I think pregnancy hormones make ugly-crying a lot more common!

    And if you need more chocolate and feel like baking... you should make these. best chocolate chip cookies evvvver. http://sallysbakingaddiction.com/2012/08/06/the-chocolate-chip-cookie/

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  19. Sometimes a good cry makes everything a little more bearable. Hope today was a little bit better, and a little less overwhelming.

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  20. I hope that milkshake was wonderful. Life can be so overwhelming! And I'm glad ya'll are all safe, that's the biggest hail I've ever seen!

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  21. Hugs to you, sweet girl!!!!! Seriously. Sometimes ya just gotta accept the fact that you're gong to ugly cry in the middle of the road in your car, and who even cares if people see you...as long as it makes you feel a little better (that's at least what I do!). God's got this!!!!! I hope your milkshake was amazing ;)

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  22. That's a huge bummer. Angel and I were so, so happy to get rid of our cars last summer because they had just been eating up so much money (this is the kind of cars we had--he sold his for $600 and I gave mine away).
    We're also in a life phase that looks like it's going to get really expensive really soon if exciting things that we want with all of our hearts come to pass...every time I freak out about how expensive stuff is and how much I do not want to spend money on annoying things, I go straight to my mom, because I know she'll say two true things I need to be reminded of occasionally:
    1. Money is for spending. Life is expensive. If you're spending money, you're alive. Good. Dying with plenty of money in the bank isn't really the goal here.
    2. My Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Psalm 50:10). He knows that the birds need something to eat, and so do I. He'll meet all those needs, broken windshields and all.

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  23. Amanda, I feel sad you had a rough day!

    I had no idea it was hailing and storming in Oklahoma.

    I think crying is good sometimes. I do it frequently in Asia. I'm sometimes embarrassed to admit that but it's just true. I think we all have things in life that are hard and sometimes a good cry is helpful.

    I'll pray your windshield gets fixed quickly and that it isn't too expensive.

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  24. So sorry to hear about that bad day. Sending you a big transatlantic hug! You're facing quite a number of both exciting and overwhelming things right now! :)

    I've had quite a few bad days myself recently too. That's life, I guess. In the end, we will always have chocolate.

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  25. Oh man! This made me laugh, with sympathy. Because I have been there! Crying is the best kind of therapy, and so are milkshakes -so I would encourage both often :) Praying that things will work out - because they will. In the meantime, blessings are made more recognizable when they are surrounded by hard things, right?!

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  26. Keeping it SO real and I love it. I absolutely love when bloggers tell it like it is and show a little bit of the bad that accompanies the good. It makes me feel human because yeah, I'm always crying and calling my mom. Sorry I'm not sorry. I'm thinking of you and hope you get the windshield fixed relatively quickly!

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  27. This is one of the reasons I was so happy to find out you were having a baby..I know I can count on the real-life side of things from you!

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  28. Ugh!! Those moments are so earned sometimes. Wallow, girl. Deep down know that everything is fine and will be fine but don't deprive yourself of the opportunity to wallow either.

    Hugs!

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  29. I am so glad you are safe! But I'm so sorry you are going through a shit time. Sometimes you just need to wallow away and let it out. Believe me. I get it. Just make sure you have that chocolate and, not to be the cliche anymore, let it go.

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  30. I am so glad you are safe! But I'm so sorry you are going through a shit time. Sometimes you just need to wallow away and let it out. Believe me. I get it. Just make sure you have that chocolate and, not to be the cliche anymore, let it go.

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  31. Wow that is a big ball of ice!! Glad you are ok, but totally understand feeling overwhelmed and like you just need a break. You have so many huge changes going on, I think if you didn't have a little melt down you wouldn't be normal :) Hope the house is going well and you know it will all work out. Plus the baby totally doesn't care what his/her nursery looks like and will probably end up sleep in your room anyway :) Hope things are looking up this week!

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  32. Amanda!!!! What a post!

    I'm sure you're feeling better by now, but thanks for sharing a TOUGH moment! It really ISN'T all butterflies and rainbows. Thanks for reminding me that getting things we've wanted pretty much always just changes the nature or face of our problems.

    I'm so glad your hope is in God, you've got a great husband, a Mom who is just a phone call away.

    I'd have made a milkshake run too!!!

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  33. Oh no! I'm so sorry you had such a bad storm last week! Is the weather still crazy over there? I'm glad y'all are safe. This sounds like an incredibly transitional period full of lots and lots of change and you are facing it with such strength! Praying for the weather to calm down, and for more of those 5$ blessings to pop up here and there. :)

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  34. That is crazy huge hail. It's awful all the damage that it caused! Totally understandable to have a moment of feeling totally overwhelmed and sad and scared. I'm glad you had that $5 for a milkshake! Totally a situation that calls for one!

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