Basically just your regular Wednesday.
As you know, my bladder is now the size of a peanut, and when I asked my mother-in-law what I should do if I needed to pee, she pointed to the corner and said, “We’ve got a bucket."
Thankfully it didn’t come to that, but when I did finally emerge from the shelter, I saw something even more terrifying: a splintered windshield.
The house buying progress is moving along, and with that has come the reality that we are about to spend almost all the money it’s taken years to save and go back into debt for the first time since we paid off the last of my student loans a few years ago. Paying for an appraisal. The inspection. A refrigerator. A washer and dryer. A lawn mower. Oh, and now a new windshield. Plus my left brake light decided to kick it yesterday and my brakes are squealing. (And no, insurance will not pay for my windshield. Because deductibles. Ruining lives since 1902.)
And what’s that now? Ah yes, a baby. How could I forget.
Diapers. Car seat. Clothes. Butt rash cream, because apparently that's a thing.
Oh, and wait. I’m pregnant! My stomach is huge! MY PANTS DON’T FIT.
Goodbye, money. It was nice knowing you.
I don’t know what the point of telling you all this is. Maybe it’s because I want to acknowledge that while there are so many blessings, so many exciting things happening right now, it’s also scary and overwhelming and just hard. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies. In fact, on Wednesday it was giant balls of ice.
Finally having the house I’ve dreamed about won’t solve my problems. Actually, it seems to be making more of them. Having the baby I feared would never come won’t turn me into someone who faces life with unwavering positivity. Actually, it seems to be making me worried about everything.
But I’m not the only one who feels like this sometimes, and neither are you. And sometimes, a girl just needs an ugly cry in her car in the middle of the work day because it’s just. too. much.
And then after, you wipe your eyes and say a prayer and get out of the car. (And if you’re me, you call your mother.)
Because yes, you've become THAT person driving around in a ghetto car, and your new house will basically be empty until you can afford furniture, and your baby most likely will not have the cutest nursery that Pinterest has ever seen because the nearest IKEA is 200 miles away and even if you had time to drive there your car wouldn't make it anyway.
AND OKAY FINE YOUR PANTS AREN'T ZIPPED ALL THE WAY.
But yesterday you found $5 in your wallet, and later you’re going to get a milkshake. Because at the end of the day, there's always chocolate.