Serious question: how long can you blame random bouts of crying on pregnancy hormones? I'm asking for a friend.
On Monday, I cried on and off all day. It was mostly just every time I looked at R or every time my mom texted to ask how I was doing or every time I read another comment one of you left on Monday's blog post. So yeah, okay basically every ten minutes all day long. I am a hot mess.
Monday night before bed, I said to myself, "Self, put on your big girl pants and get a grip for crying out loud. No one is dying. You don't live in a box on the street. You have all of your limbs." Nothing like some self-talk to keep things in perspective.
Tuesday, I woke up ready to conquer the day. R and I got up, ate, and I squeezed into a pair of jeans. (Holler!) Then we headed downtown because I needed to meet with some people and do final proofing on the current month's issue of the magazine.
R was a hit around the office, because of course, and she did so great! When someone wasn't holding her, she just chilled in her car seat or stretched out on the floor at my feet like an angel. (Okay, full disclosure: we did have some minor fussing that was for the most part easily solved by a diaper change or pacifier.) Around 10:00 we snuck out to the parking lot so I could feed her. I have now breastfed my baby in a doctor's office, at the park, and in my car and have only lost 50% of my body weight in sweat. *pats self on back*
Note: it's not awkward at all to breastfeed a baby in the parking lot of your office building in a car that doesn't have tinted windows. Not. At. All. And there was definitely not a crazy downtown homeless person wandering the streets shouting out random things who walked right by me. And I did not quickly hunch down and lock the doors. Nope.
I left the office to go home at noon and was feeling pretty good about life in general. Getting out of the house and out of your pajamas will do that to you. Next time I'll get crazy and put on makeup! Maybe.
Before we left, I got R in a bathroom selfie for old time's sake. Remember these? RIP, pregnant bathroom selfie. It was fun while it lasted.
While in the bathroom taking this picture, R said her first words! Direct quote: "No pictures, Mom. Please." I swear to you she said it.
My plan is to head into the office at least once a week. It will be good to show my makeup-less face around there so they don't forget about me and so they know I'm working and not just galavanting around eating donuts all day (don't I wish!). I'm treasuring this time working from home until January, when I will have to return to the office, at which point you can expect another depressing post about how I cried all day long about leaving R. But I'll save that for later. (Side note: We don't yet have anywhere to take her! Anyone want to be our nanny?)
People say that quitting your job and leaving the corporate life is brave, but I think sometimes keeping your job and going to work every day is the brave thing to do. Or maybe I'm just saying that because that's what I'm doing. But someone has to pay bills and health insurance and put money in the retirement fund.
I've already realized that being a working mom is going to be hard. So, so hard.
It will be hard, but it won't kill me. Each day will get easier, and I just need to pull up my big girl pants and do what I have to do. I appreciate your comments and emails more than I can say. If I've learned one thing in the past 6 weeks it's that community is so important. Texting someone to say you're thinking about them may seem like a small thing, but it can make someone's day, just like it made mine!
So that's where we're at right now, less than a week in. We're doing okay. We'll make it.
Because it really is true what they say. She's so worth it.
p.s. I wanted to remind you guys that I have my "Ask Anything" form open still, so if you have a question or a post topic suggestion, feel free to ask! I didn't get to all the questions that were asked initially, but I do plan on going back through those soon and picking out a few. Feel free to enter something below if you have anything you'd like to see me write about!