Growing a Human: Week 37


When you last heard from me, I was at 33 weeks and feeling pretty good!

Well that's over.

At 35 weeks on the dot, the wheels fell off this pregnancy train, and it was like my body woke up and realized, “Hey, you’re pregnant.” It was literally the day my week switched over to 35. I was just tired. So tired.

My blood pressure was elevated at my 35-week doctor’s appointment, and my hands and feet swelled up and have stayed that way. Goodbye, wedding rings. 

I'm actually less upset about taking off my wedding rings than I am about my toe ring! That thing never comes off. I'm mean for real. I wore it while running my marathons, for crying out loud. But I digress.

I can’t complain too much about how I've been feeling because honestly I haven’t had a lot of the pregnancy symptoms I’ve heard so much about. No heartburn, no acid reflux, no leg cramps, no more rib pain now that she’s moved down a bit. 

But overall I just feel pregnant. Large and in charge. Have I said tired? I’ve been having Braxton Hicks since about week 22, but in the last week or so there have definitely been more of them. Nothing regular enough to cause me to grab the hospital bag, but they are more frequent for sure. 

Jordan is officially on Baby Watch. He says every time I call him now, he’s going to think I’m in labor. He’s requested that I text “not urgent” before I call him just to be safe, which I’m not going to do but I think it’s pretty funny.
At my 37-week appointment, I got my first cervical check! 

IT WAS THE WORST THING EVER. Oh my gosh. Seriously, people said it wasn't going to be fun, and I'm sure for everyone it's different, but for me it was majorly uncomfortable. I'm dilated to a 1, in case anyone wants to know. You're welcome, internet strangers.

Now for a quick rundown of those stats everyone puts on their bump updates.

Due Date: August 19

However, she has been measuring about a week early this entire pregnancy (and actually at my last two appointments she's measured 2 weeks big). That doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but Jordan is convinced she’s coming August 11 or earlier. We’ll see! I’m not even going to guess and get my hopes up that I don’t have to waddle around for longer than I have to. I just want her to come when she wants to come, and I don’t want to have to induce. But man, if she could come next week so I could avoid another cervical check, that would really be great.

Name: Still not telling! And I still haven’t decided if I’ll share on the blog. I will say that both middle and first names have family significance.

Weight Gain: As of today, I am plus 28.5, sitting at 164.5 pounds!

Sleep: I am thankful to have the sleeping abilities of a rock. Not that rocks sleep, but you know what I mean. Once I’m out, I’m out. However, I still wake up multiple times to pee during the night, and it’s harder to get comfortable initially once I lie down. I’ve also started having some really weird and vivid dreams. Not necessarily baby-related dreams but just super weird dreams.

Movement: She’s out of room in there, and so body parts are protruding from my stomach at any given moment. It’s awesome and also freaks me out a little bit. But it’s nice to know she’s still in there and doing okay!

Belly Button: It's fully out, and Jordan thinks it's hilarious and likes to poke at it, and I get mad. Actually, we probably shouldn't talk about it.

Feeling: I’ve been praying nonstop for peace, and honestly I do feel less anxious for the most part. Plus, the more uncomfortable I get, the more I just want her to come out! 

I want my body back. I want to not waddle. I want to be able to hug Jordan without a basketball in the middle of us. I want to pee at normal intervals. Is that really too much to ask?

I do not feel at all like this pregnancy has flown by. I feel like it has gone at a normal speed, and it has felt like 9 months for sure. It’s comforting to know that at this point, she’s basically almost fully cooked. If she came today, she’d be just fine. We’re so excited to meet this little person who’s been growing inside me!

Want more Baby Bum? 
Check out all posts tagged "pregnancy" here.
You might also like...

The Fear
Growing a Human: Week 33

Four Budget-Friendly Tips for Using a Credit Card (without going into debt)


4 budget-friendly tips for using a credit card

I know I've had a resurgence of budgeting posts lately, but after four years, I had started taking our budget for granted. Now that we're needing to buy a bunch of stuff for the house and baby, I freak out about how we're going to afford things on nearly a daily basis. Okay that was a lie. I freak out about it on a daily basis.
However, I have to remind myself that if nothing else, I am really grateful for the foundation we've laid and the budget we have in place that will (in theory) help us continue to track spending and keep us from going into debt.

Today I want to talk about credit cards and share what we do. When it comes to the idea of using credit cards, there seem to be two extremes. I’m totally overgeneralizing here, but just go with me.
  1. People who grew up hearing that credit cards were the devil and a pathway straight to debt hell. These people have never used a credit card, never owned a credit card, and most likely paid cash for everything.
  2. People who use credit cards to buy any and everything, even if they can’t afford it. These people have credit card bills ranking in the thousands, possibly on multiple cards. They do not keep track of their spending and in general do not think of credit card money as real money.
Then there is a third camp that falls somewhere in the middle of no credit at all and credit card bills for years to come. Jordan and I fall in this category. We budget and believe in a debt-free lifestyle, but we also have a credit card that we use daily on nearly all of our purchases. Credit cards don’t have to be a bad thing!

Personally, I see way more benefit to having a credit card than not having one if (and admittedly this is a large if) you can be disciplined about it. I’m not going to give you a list of reasons why you should get a credit card. Google that if you want to know. It’s been written.

In this post, I just want to quickly share with you four tips that will help you to use a credit card wisely while getting the most out of it.

Tip #1: Have one credit card that gives you rewards points or cashback and put all your purchases on it.

I know there are airline mileage cards and Kohl’s cards and such, but having too many cards can get really overwhelming. Plus, who wants to get that many bills? The bonus to having only one credit card is that you are getting the most for your rewards points. Choose a card that gives you a percentage of cash back for every purchase (most cards offer something, whether it’s 1%, 2%, etc.) and rack that cash up! 

We have Discover, and really like it.* We get 1% cash back on every single purchase, and there are rotating categories throughout the year where we get 5% back. Over the past two years, we have gotten almost $900 in cashback bonus money!

Our Discover money also works on Amazon, so when we check out, we have the option to use our cashback money to buy our item $1 for $1, which makes it completely free! If you don’t have a credit card, you’re missing out on the opportunity to get points or cash for purchases you’re making anyway. Trust me: that 1% doesn’t sound like a lot, but it adds up.

*Note: this is not a sponsored post; I’m just telling you what card we use. HOWEVER, if you are not a current Discover card member and want to be one, use my referral link and get $50 cashback bonus after your first purchase! 

Tip #2: Continue to log receipts and keep a budget worksheet as normal.

I think the biggest reason people get into trouble with credit cards is because they don’t see their spending as real money. If all you do is slide a card or punch in a number, you don’t see the cash exchange hands and thus don’t feel like you’re actually spending money. It can be easy to rack up your credit card statement and get blindsided at the end of the month with a giant bill if you aren’t paying attention.

The key to using a credit card is to pay attention. 

If you never stop logging receipts on your budgeting worksheet, you will never be able to forget that you are in fact spending actual money. Don’t look at your bank account and think, “Gosh, I have a lot of money in there. I can spend more!” 

Look at your account as if the purchases you put on your credit card have already been debited.

Tip #3: Don’t buy anything you can’t afford.

This one is obvious but seriously, just don’t buy something if you don’t have the money for it. Just because your credit card has a $3,000 limit does not mean you have $3,000! Save as usual, and when you have enough money in your account, go buy the item!

Now, obviously we’re not talking about giant emergencies that do sometimes happen in real life. Dave Ramsey tells you to keep $1,000 in cash handy for an emergency, which is a good tip, but sometimes a real emergency is more than that. So we’re not talking about that, okay? We’re talking about wants vs. needs. If you only have $500, don’t max out your credit card buying a $3,000 lawn mower. Again, pretend the money in your account is being debited every time you use your credit card.

Tip #4: Pay off your credit card bill in full every month.

Again, sometimes this is not possible (read: actual giant emergencies). But Jordan and I have been using our credit card for over four years and have paid our statement in full every single month. When you do this, you are sticking it to the credit card companies that make billions in interest payments from customers! 

By paying off our statement, we get our cash back from purchases we would have made anyway, and we make money off our credit card company. We’re pretty sure Discover hates us, and I’m okay with it.

So there you go! 

Just a few simple tips for wisely having and using a credit card. Like I said, we love Dave Ramsey’s steps and living a debt-free life (other than a mortgage), but we do not think having a credit card is a bad thing! You can actually use it to your advantage and make a few dollars along the way. Stick it to The Man!

Bonus Tip #5: Pay bills with your credit card.

This last tip is just for fun… pay bills with your credit card! A lot of companies want a bank draft, so not all companies will let you do this, but if you can, get on it! Remember that cash back I talked about? Those rewards points? The more bills you are able to pay using your credit card, the more you can pay yourself back with those rewards. You’re welcome.

Questions? Leave them in the comments or shoot me an email!

Do you have a credit card? Do you have any other tips to add for using them wisely and getting the most out of your rewards? What credit card have you found that offers the best rewards?

*For more budgeting posts, click here.*



I thought I'd join in today with Jenna's coffee date Friday linkup and give you a general life update, because I know you all are dying to know what's going on in the Bumgarner household.

We finally bought a car seat! You would not believe what a time I had trying to pick one of these things out. I had recommendations from friends and read reviews, but seriously, infant car seat, convertible car seat, eight thousand colors, and a price variation of a couple hundred dollars. Does it really need to be this difficult? Answer: no. And yet somehow it was. 

Jordan helped me pick one last week, and we ordered it and now that's done. In case you're interested, Baby Bum will not be cruisin' in a $200 seat. Try half that plus a 15% coupon at Target plus 5% off for using my Red Card = $87. I'm sure she won't mind.

I hung stuff! Or rather, my mom and brother and sister-in-law hung stuff. I am incapable of making any decisions (read above), and those decisions include decorating my house. Will there be a time I don't need my mom to help me with adult life? Judging from the way things are going, I'd say probably not. 

I'm still on high alert from the surprise birthday party I threw Jordan a week ago. I got so used to shielding the phone from him lest he see a suspicious text message that I've found myself still doing it. I don't know how people live double lives. I'm not cut out for it. 

Next week I will officially enter "the window," aka Baby Watch. I could have 3 weeks to go or I could have 5, but that's where it stops. The end is near, people. 

I'm over going to work. Over. It.

I still go, of course. And I sit there and do stuff like read and edit and finish things up before my maternity leave, but I won't lie and say I wouldn't rather be home with my feet up eating piles of ice cream. Or napping. Lots of napping.

I could write an entire blog post about how anxious I feel about the prospect of going back to work, finding childcare, affording childcare, and just that whole madness, but I'm going to spare you and myself. You're welcome. Just know that I do feel anxious about it, but I've seen God provide and know he will, and I have to learn that I have no control over the things I can't control. 

Namely, the fact that I have a passion for editing and not, say, finding gold.

There's more. Much more. I am a hormonal, waddling mess right now. But I don't have time to tell you about it. I need to get to bed.

In case you're wondering, these days I sleep like this, apparently. 

Jordan took this picture of me a few weeks ago, and I can't stop laughing about it. I mean seriously is this for real? He showed it to me the next morning and said, "I was going to move your arm, but instead I just took a picture and laughed at you." That's true love right there, people. Hey, at least I'm sleeping at night. Whatever it takes to get comfortable.

But Really, Have You Been Running?


Other than "how are you feeling?" the main question people keep asking me is if I've been running, and it honestly hasn’t gotten annoying. I’m glad that people know I love to run and want to ask me about it. 

That said, for the last 10+ weeks my answer has been no, I haven’t been running. Cue sad face.

I figured some of you might be interested in where I’m at with running, when and why I stopped, and if/when I plan to start up again, so here’s a quick update.

I found out I was pregnant at 6ish weeks and ran until about 24 weeks. I did two half marathons (10 weeks and 18 weeks), both of which I had signed up for before I knew I was pregnant. Up until 24 weeks, I was running 2-3 miles 2-3 times a week. My times were getting slower, but I was doing it!

Until one day, I stopped running and haven’t gone since.

Nothing happened to make me stop. I didn’t hurt myself or have my doctor caution me against it. But two things happened at the same time that basically ended it for me:

  1. It started to get hot
  2. We started packing to move
Those two things combined to equal me not having any extra energy to run. I was working on some freelance editing projects, so I was getting up early before work to edit. Then I was at work all day. Then when I got home, it was hot and we were in the throes of packing our apartment to move to our new house. 

Packing isn’t fun anyway, but packing while pregnant is no joke! I used up all my energy taping boxes and going through piles of crap and taking things out to my car to drive over to the house, and I didn’t have anything left for running. So that’s why I stopped, and I just never started again.

I always wanted to be one of those women who ran into their third trimester or did yoga or went to spin class through 35 weeks or whatever, but honestly, this whole pregnancy thing is hard, and right now my feet are propped up because they're swollen to twice their size. Working out just isn't a thing for me right now, and I'm okay with it.

I obviously have no idea how labor and delivery will go. Some people seem to rebound quickly while others have more traumatic experiences that take time to heal. I hope to be the former, but you just never know.

That said, my goal is to get back to running as soon as I can! I have a jogging stroller out of its box and ready to go, and I have really been missing running over these past weeks, especially when one of my running songs comes on the radio or it’s that perfect running temperature (which, okay rarely slash never happens because hello it’s summer in Oklahoma and as hot as the devil’s lair).

My plan for my triumphant comeback is this: I WILL be signing up for the Oklahoma City Memorial Race as half marathon #10. The race is at the end of April every year, which gives me 8 months to get ready. I realize 8 months is an insanely long amount of time for some people, but I’m just a regular person, not an Olympic athlete or anything. I feel like being in decent shape to run a half marathon 8 months postpartum is a realistic goal for an average person.

Ideally it would be fantastic to run it under 2 hours. My half marathon PR is 1:53, and I had just started training for a sub-1:50 half before I found out about Baby Bum, so I feel like sub-2 isn’t insane. However, I think honestly, just being out there and able to finish 13.1 miles will be a success all of its own, no matter what my time is.

I’m thankful that my family and friends are supportive of my love of running (even if they don’t understand it), and I am excited to be one of those runners I see sometimes who greet their husbands and children at the finish line.

What do you think? Does 8 months sound realistic to you?
Any tips for getting back into running post-baby? 
How about tips for running while pushing a jogging stroller?

How to Make an Awesome DIY Recipe Binder


Make a recipe binder
One item that has been on my 30x30 list forever has been to organize my recipes. I had a giant stack of magazines that I'd saved just for one or two recipes, cookbooks with bookmarks on my top favorites, Pinterest boards overflowing with food pins, and printed recipes stuffed inside cookbooks, never to be seen again. Something needed to happen, but I kept putting it off because I knew it would take a good chunk of time to sit down and organize everything.

Making your own recipe binder will take time, but hopefully if you do it right, it will save you a ton of time in the future because all your favorites will be printed and organized in one place! I'm sure there are lots of different ways to make a recipe binder, but this is how I've done mine. I take zero credit for this idea, by the way! My friend Hannah has hers organized like this, and as soon as I saw it, I knew I needed to make one for myself.

NOTE: The recipe binder is not intended to be a replacement for your cookbooks. It is specifically for organizing recipes you find online/someone tells you/you found in a magazine. This is to organize all those random recipes scribbled down on scraps of paper or folded between pages of a notebook. Additionally, if you do have a cookbook you use for just one recipe, why not make a copy of the recipe and give away the cookbook? No need to keep an entire cookbook for just one or two things.
Awesome recipe binder how-to

To make a recipe binder, you will need:
-A binder
-Clear plastic page protectors (the ones with holes punched on the side already)
-Some type of divider tabs
-A printer and copier

Obviously your organization method will vary depending on what types of foods you eat. If you're a vegetarian, you clearly will not have categories organized by type of meat like I do, but you get the idea. My main tabs at the top are: Entrees, Crock-Pot, Soups/Stews, Sides, Desserts, Breakfast.
Compiling the binder is time consuming but easy! All you need to do is start putting recipes into the page protectors and then file them away into the appropriate category. Depending on where the recipe is, you can do one of the following: 

1. If your recipe is in a magazine: tear out the page OR make a copy of the page (see above for an example)
2. If your recipe is in a cookbook: make a copy of the page
3. If your recipe is on Pinterest/online: print out a copy of the recipe (see below for an example)
4. If your recipe is handwritten on a scrap of paper: retype the recipe and print OR tape the recipe to a larger piece of white paper to file into the binder
See? So easy! After all your printing and typing and copying, you should have all your recipes together in one place, organized for easy reference. Now recycle those magazines you've been holding on to, and get to cooking!
This recipe binder makes me so happy! It's so easy to find recipes now, and I love how they are organized by type so I can flip right to the category of food I'm looking to make. I was glad to be able to cross this off my to-do list. Shoutout to my friend Hannah for the brilliant idea!

Questions? Leave them in the comments and I'll get back to you!
How do you organize your recipes?

Formerly 29: Jordan's Epic Surprise 30th Birthday Party


Jordan's and my birthdays are one week apart. Mine is July 10; his is July 17.... today! 

This year, he turns 30! I love birthdays and birthday celebrations, so I decided I didn't have enough to do and I should plan an epic surprise party for him. It went down last Saturday!

I planned it for over two months. I mailed out invitations, crafted a Happy Birthday banner, bought food, and planned games! I also lied a LOT. It's kind of scary how well you can lie if you really put your mind to it.
There ended up being close to 40 people at the party, and I honestly can't believe no one spilled the beans! Jordan was completely and utterly shocked, and it was awesome. Everything I planned went according to plan, and he was none the wiser until he walked around the corner into the backyard at his parents' house and about fell over when he saw everyone there. He thought we were on our way to a Sunday school class party and he was just stopping really quick to help his dad move something in the backyard. Lies!

This might be the last surprise party I ever throw, because they are stressful! But at least my one and only will have been an epic success.
I have my sister-in-law to thank for taking all of these pictures! And my family and Jordan's parents really helped out a lot with setting everything up. I could NOT have done it without them.
The main food was a nacho bar ("macho bar") and BBQ chicken sliders in the crock-pot (super easy). For dessert we had cookies, brownies, and root beer floats! I got mustache napkins and straw from Hobby Lobby and kind of went with a mustache theme of sorts.
Erin posted about using trivia cards at the high school reunion party she planned, and I thought that was such a fun idea! I put together a 15-question trivia game with questions about the decade of the '80s and some specific questions about Jordan like when was his original due date, how much did he weigh, etc. Near the end of the party, I went through the answers, and there was a prize for the winner!
I was pretty proud of my "Pin the Mustache" game. I printed out a 24x36 picture from Staples for $3.89 (who knew?!) and got mustache cutouts for people to play a fun version of "Pin the Tail on the Donkey." My sister-in-law made this cute sign for the game. Seriously, that girl needs to be a party planner. She's the same one who organized a Bingo game for her wedding reception.
Jordan loves brownies, so instead of a cake he blew out candles on the brownie. Then we also had the root beer floats. His mom dug out some of Jordan's old stuff from the attic and used it as decorations. We also put some home videos on the TV inside for people to watch if they wanted to sit inside out of the heat.
My whole family drove up from Texas to be there, and Jordan was surprised to see everyone! I posted this picture on Facebook, and a few people thought we were saying Baby Bum is actually a boy, so don't be confused. She's still a girl.

^^^ Superman is Jordan's favorite superhero. I saw this Happy Birthday banner on Etsy for $25 and thought, hey I can make that myself. I bought paper for $2 at Hobby Lobby and put together the banner, and I love how it turned out!

I was stressed out about how everything would go, but it went very well and was so much fun! I'm glad I could do something to celebrate Jordan's 30th, and I'm glad he loved his party. I feel so thankful for all our wonderful friends who came out and celebrated with us and kept my secret so well!

Have you ever thrown a surprise party?

5 Things I'm Obsessed With


So.... I got a little serious on you guys in my last post. 

Honestly? I almost didn't publish it. I got embarrassed, feeling like maybe I was just being dramatic, but decided surely someone would be able to relate. Then I read comment after comment of sharing fears and got all weepy, per usual these days. Thank you so much to everyone who commented, emailed, and texted. Such encouragement and community! 

I do feel the need to add that lest you think I spend my time curled up in a ball on the floor, don't worry. I just like to, as my mom said, "Explore my honest feelings." Apparently on this blog for the entire internet to read. Whatevs. But we are very excited to meet Baby Bum in just about a month from now! I feel very thankful that this pregnancy has gone so well. The countdown is on. I am 35 weeks TODAY, people!

Now on to something a little less intense and a little more fun.

Today I'm linking up with Kiki for an introduction post! I'm stealing an idea I saw on Erin's blog a few weeks ago that I thought was fun to share with you some things I'm obsessed with. Hopefully this will give you a good idea of exactly what kind of person I am. Or, at least what kind of person my closest family members think I am.

I polled seven people--Jordan, my parents, my three siblings, and my sister-in-law--and asked them to name the first 5 things that came to mind when I asked them what I am obsessed with. The answers were so much fun, and almost everyone said something different! Apparently I'm obsessed with a lot of things, all of which I completely agree with.

So, hi there.
I'm Amanda, also known as the Lady Okie. 
I live in Oklahoma City, just turned 29, married 4 years, pregnant with my first baby, editor by day and blogger by night, and I'm obsessed with...

Jordan said...
1. Blogging
2. Doing everything immediately (let's just say I do not procrastinate)
3. Garage Facebook Group (I joined a garage sale Facebook group about a month ago and have been annoying him every day by showing him stuff I see on there that I think we should buy)
4. Fruit (ALL THE FRUIT)
5. Doing stuff I see on blogs (His example was, and I quote, "that natural cleaning crap." Basically all my statements start with, "So I was reading this blog..." Cue eye roll.)

My mom said...
1. Blogging
2. Running
3. Budgeting
4. Bugs (long story; this is a new obsession)
5. Cleaning (also a new obsession; also a long story)

My dad said...
1. People saying literally (seriously, stop saying literally unless you literally did it)
2. Snakes (as in, I am obsessed with the idea that I will see one and become hysterical and die)
3. Grammar (blame it on the day job)
4. Landfills (as in, I'm slightly terrified the earth will fill with garbage and we'll end up like Wall-e)
5. People not doing what they say (this is truly one of my greatest pet peeves)

My brother said...
1. Crunchy peanut butter (let's just say I don't trust people who eat creamy peanut butter)
2. Bryer's mint chocolate chip ice cream (I once ate an entire half gallon by myself in 2 days)
3. Running
4. Family
5. Loving people

My sister-in-law said...
1. Running
2. Ice cream
3. Documenting life (this is so true! I love documenting life in all forms)
4. Blogging
5. Jordan

My brother said...
1. Grammar
2. Being right
3. Winning
4. Chicago
5. Family
And... clearly my brother think I'm a piece of work! Being right and winning both made the list. Ha! He's right, though. I do love being right. And, Jordan and I are both hoping Baby Bum doesn't get my competitive streak. Good luck to us if that happens.

My sister said...
1. Reading (how did no one else say this?!)
2. Friends (Not sure if she meant the show Friends or my actual friends, but either way she's right)
3. Avoiding snakes
4. Matching (as in, I cannot stand matching outfits! When I left my old job, my coworkers pulled the best. prank. ever. on me. Seriously, genius and hilarious and terrifying if you hate matching as much as I do.)
5. People using correct grammar

So there you have it! There were a few similarities but also a lot of differences. The interesting thing is that I can't disagree with any of these! I am admittedly obsessed with all of the above.

So did you find out anything new about me? I hope so! Did any of these surprise you? What would your closest family and friends say YOU are obsessed with?

The Fear


The closer I get to Baby Bum's arrival and the actual event of giving birth, the less I want to hear about babies and birth stories.

Due to conflicting schedules at our hospital, Jordan and I will not be able to take a childbirth class, so the lady in charge mailed us a package of the material they go over in the class. I haven't even cracked it open.

I realize I shouldn't go into it blind. I should know something about the medicine they'll offer and birthing positions and the stages of labor. I should be aware of some of the things that could happen. I need to be informed.

I should probably read books about sleep training and breastfeeding and baby schedules. We can't leave the hospital without this kind of knowledge! It's just mean of them to kick us out of our room, hand us a two-day-old baby, and say, "Good luck."

I realize people have been having babies for centuries and lived to tell the tale. Jordan and I are both one of four kids, and our parents seem to be doing just fine. I know very well that everything will be fine, so I'm not asking for reassurance.

It's just that the part of me that knows everything will work out forgot to tell that to the part of me that holds the crippling fear of the unknown. That same part that holds the fear also holds the selfishness, and together they make quite a team.

Yes, we want this baby. I want to be clear about that. I spent years terrified I would never be able to get pregnant and years praying for this very thing I have. But now? She's almost here, and I am afraid.

Everyone says your life is never the same again, but it's okay because it changes for the better. But see, here's the thing. I can't imagine my life changing for the better because I already like my life how it is. I like going where I want when I want. I like having time for my favorite hobbies. I like sleeping in and going to the bathroom in peace.

I'm scared that I'm too selfish to be a good mom.

I'm scared of the life changes and the marriage changes and the changes I don't even know to be scared about yet.

I'm even scared of loving someone so much.

And you know babies are expensive, right? Not just with the things you think of like buying clothes and diapers but with everything. Adding her to our insurance. Doctor visits when she flips down the slide at the park and breaks her arm. And what if something's wrong with her? What if she has cancer or has some type of rare disease or learning disability?

She could die in her sleep, you know. That happens sometimes. I could drop her. She could choke on a piece of grape I didn't cut up small enough.

If my heart is walking around outside my body in the form of this little person, then tell me what I'm supposed to do if something happens to my heart?

It's the fear, you see. It doesn't want to be friends with the calm, rational part of me that says that it all will be fine and I can handle it. It doesn't want me to believe that even if it's not fine, when the sad times come I will rise above and be able to handle that too.

So here's what I want you, mom friend, to tell me. 

First, don't hit me with some well-meaning line about how it will all work out and how much you love your kids and how you wouldn't trade anything for them. It's not that I don't believe you, but it's not what I want to hear.

If you're going to say anything, tell me how scared you were once too. Tell me that my fears are normal, that I'm not too selfish to be a good mother. Tell me it's okay to mourn the loss of this season of life even as I gratefully and nervously anticipate the next. Save your stories of labor pains and crayon all over the walls and exploding diapers and no sleep for after I have this baby. Because right now, I honestly just don't want to hear about it.

I realize the fear will always be there now, in one form or another. So just tell me that's okay. Tell me how to make the fear my friend. Tell me we're in this together, all of us moms. Tell me I'm not alone.

And maybe, I don't know, offer to watch my kid for five minutes for me while I go to the bathroom? That would be great.

Smell My Feet


Today is my birthday!

It's the last year of my 20s, and I think it's shaping up to be a good one. I might be getting old, but at least I'm mature enough to stop smelling my own feet.

Or at least that's what we all should hope.

Happy Friday, friends!

Project 12 // June


*Project 12: A photo on the first day of every month*

The Husband's Secret: 3.5 stars
Fluffy read that I felt would be good for the beach. The story was interesting, and I did not feel like the secret was a letdown. Some cursing and non-graphic sex scenes, just FYI.

Gathering Blue: 3 stars
The book took a while to get going, and then just when it was getting interesting, it was over, so that was kind of a bummer. But interesting story!

^^^This is our old bedroom in our apartment.

WE MOVED! This is a huge and notable event in our lives. I may or may not find time to write a post about the moving process, but here's the bottom line: moving has been a very stressful process for us. I kind of want to hit people when they say, "Have fun moving!" That is not a thing, okay?

Last month we paid rent and mortgage plus double on all our utilities, and our budget did not like that. I'm happy to be paying just one of everything now, and hopefully the more stuff we unpack the more this place will feel like home and not just like we're sleeping over in someone else's house. I feel severely overwhelmed with the amount of things we need to find places for, not to mention a baby is coming soon and will need a mattress for her crib. So yeah.
I hit 30 weeks pregnant! People keep asking me how I'm feeling, and I keep saying great! I seriously feel really good, minus a few aches and pains. You can read my 33-week bump update here.

^^^ We put the crib together! And by we, I mean Jordan, his brother, and his dad put the crib together while I watched. The nursery has nothing on the walls or anything really in place, but at least we have a crib now.
^^^Another notable event was eating Sonic shakes like four times last month. We were cracking up because we had just been saying, "Ice cream sounds good," when a Sonic commercial came on TV for half-prices shakes after 8:00. Marketing for the win.

We waited until halftime of the Blackhawks game (holler! Stanley Cup champions!) and drive to Sonic, where we were DUMB and ordered Sonic blasts instead of shakes and therefore paid full price. Sonic: 1, Bumgarners: 0.
Our big travel event was a trip to the Bahamas the first weekend of June. 

We also went to an Oklahoma City minor league baseball game for a friend's birthday.

In June we were mostly focused on packing and moving, and we spent more than a few nights overwhelmed and stressed out. We are now in our new house, and July is birthday month for both of us, so it hopefully should be a good one! We're hoping Baby Bum keeps cooking and doesn't make an extra early appearance. I really just don't think I could handle all three of us sharing a birthday month. Truth.

Posts you might have missed in June: 
He Saw Us

Scenes from downtown Nassau, Bahamas (plus a video!)


In my last Bahamas post, I showed you some pictures from the Atlantis resort. On Monday afternoon, we had the opportunity to take a bus into downtown Nassau to eat lunch and spend an hour or so walking around the shops. It inspired confidence that our bus had a giant dent across the front.
^^^ They drive on the other side of the road in the Bahamas (and by "other side of the road" I mean for us American folk). These "yield" signs were cracking me up. Driving there reminded us of the crazy drivers in Nicaragua!
I told you last time that one thing that surprised me was that Atlantis is like its own little area of the island. We had to drive over this bridge to get outside Atlantis and into the downtown area. What stood out to me the most was just how colorful everything is. I mentioned the color of the water in my last post, but in Nassau we got to see how colorful the streets and buildings are. It was so fun!
We ate lunch at this absolutely delicious place right off the water where some cruise ships were docked. It had the best view, music, and food and was personally one of my highlights of the trip.
After lunch, we walked around a bit and enjoyed some scenes from the island. We watched some guys diving for puff fish and conch shells. Fresh from the ocean!
In conclusion, I put together a short (less than 2 minutes) video! It's not the greatest quality because when I uploaded it to YouTube something funky happened. Movie editing is not in my skill set. 

Also, apparently the "Under the Sea" song I used for 30 seconds at the beginning is copyrighted, so this video is blocked in Germany...? Random. Also x2, YouTube says "ads might appear" on the video because of the song, so sorry if that happens. But I'm too lazy to change it now so just deal with it.

If you can't see it on the blog, view the video on YouTube here.

*If you can't hear some of the audio in the second half, Jordan and I asked each other: "What is your favorite memory from the trip?" Jordan said the color of the water and meeting the OBGYN in the line for pizza. I said walking around Atlantis and seeing the OBGYN. Because I will never stop talking about that.