Two weekends ago, Jordan and I took R to a wedding. Or, more specifically, a wedding reception. The bride and groom had gotten married in Florida last month and had a reception back in Oklahoma for all the poor saps who couldn't afford to attend the beach nuptials.
I had a brand-new-to-me black dress that I was excited to wear for the first time. My sister-in-law gave it to me because it was, and I quote, "too big in the chest area." Which gave me a good laugh because obviously I'm not really the kind of person anyone ever says that about, but my sister-in-law is the definition of petite so anyway. Her loss is my gain (literally?).
Since I was wearing a cute dress and heels, and R was all fancy in her dress and bow, I told Jordan I wanted to get a picture of the two of us standing together. I tried to channel the fashionable bloggers on Instagram who line up against a wall holding hands with their toddler, and they're looking at each other all cute and stuff. You know the ones I'm talking about.
Well, I'm here to tell you those pictures are dumb. Do these bloggers glue their toddler to the wall or something? HOW DO THEY GET THESE PICTURES? R kept running away, and Jordan just kept saying, "I don't understand what kind of picture you want" while I stood against the wall and sighed.
All I want is for my 14-month-old to wear a dress and a bow and stand still against an aged brick wall in optimal outdoor natural lighting while holding my hand and looking up at me in adoration while I stare back at her wearing a dress and heels with perfectly styled hair and a designer handbag so I can post the non-blurry picture to Instagram and include 30 well-placed hashtags so the internet people can fawn en masse over our cuteness.
I just really don't think that's too much to ask for.