that one time I tried to be a fashionable Instagram blogger

11.07.2016

Two weekends ago, Jordan and I took R to a wedding. Or, more specifically, a wedding reception. The bride and groom had gotten married in Florida last month and had a reception back in Oklahoma for all the poor saps who couldn't afford to attend the beach nuptials.

I had a brand-new-to-me black dress that I was excited to wear for the first time. My sister-in-law gave it to me because it was, and I quote, "too big in the chest area." Which gave me a good laugh because obviously I'm not really the kind of person anyone ever says that about, but my sister-in-law is the definition of petite so anyway. Her loss is my gain (literally?).

Since I was wearing a cute dress and heels, and R was all fancy in her dress and bow, I told Jordan I wanted to get a picture of the two of us standing together. I tried to channel the fashionable bloggers on Instagram who line up against a wall holding hands with their toddler, and they're looking at each other all cute and stuff. You know the ones I'm talking about.
Well, I'm here to tell you those pictures are dumb. Do these bloggers glue their toddler to the wall or something? HOW DO THEY GET THESE PICTURES? R kept running away, and Jordan just kept saying, "I don't understand what kind of picture you want" while I stood against the wall and sighed.

All I want is for my 14-month-old to wear a dress and a bow and stand still against an aged brick wall in optimal outdoor natural lighting while holding my hand and looking up at me in adoration while I stare back at her wearing a dress and heels with perfectly styled hair and a designer handbag so I can post the non-blurry picture to Instagram and include 30 well-placed hashtags so the internet people can fawn en masse over our cuteness.

I just really don't think that's too much to ask for.

20 comments:

  1. Yep. Our Hawaii photog (who is awesome) was trying to get Ava to walk down the beach while holding my hand, with her in front and our arms extended...anyway. It should have been simple, but we failed, even in the most perfect setting with a professional. You and R still look adorable. Congrats on your full bosom!

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  2. I'm dying! Literally laughing out loud! This is fabulous! And you nailed that black dress with the red shoes! :)

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  3. LOL. Well if its worth anything, you look AMAZING. I need your arm workout, asap ;)

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  4. I just had a friend post a picture of her trying to get a picture with her & her daughter on the swing. It was the funniest picture. She posted a fail pic & said she gave up after taking like 75 pics & none of them working out the way she wanted :) #momlife

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  5. I always wonder how mom-bloggers get their kids to stand there. There's a girl on my FB that has the most beautiful, hipster-y shots of her two gorgeous daughters. Typically they have food or a drink in their hand, though... so maybe that's the secret?
    Haha. Regardless, you look great!

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  6. I am laughing so hard right now. You guys look adorable, blurry or not.

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  7. haha! This is great. And you both look gorgeous!

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  8. Hahaha I am convinced mom bloggers use cut outs or photoshop to create these photos!

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  9. girl, yes. switch toddler for cats and i'm like how do these people get their cats to sit still. hahaha. or, in reality, whenever i take a photo of anything but my cats, they want in. which is why all of my photos have cats in them because if you can't beat them, join them.
    i like your version better anyhow.

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  10. Haha! Your version is way more real and I appreciate real. :)

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  11. OMG! This made me LOL so hard!!! #reallife

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  12. hahaha! Kids + Photos make for an interesting combination! But even adults, man. Actually, I was trying to get my parents to take a holding hands, looking at each other, standing in front of a wall photo when we took family photos recently, and then me and Angel, too. My Dad is perfect at posing but my mom is all like, "Why are you making me do this?????" and Angel, who has a lot in common with my mom, was acting exactly the same way. You would think that adults could simply deal with feeling awkward for 30 seconds in the pursuit of a great picture without being drama queens about it...

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  13. Hilarious! I don't know how people take such picture perfect photos for IG. I think you just gotta do your own thing. The pictures are still fun and rest assured, Dave would say the same thing. What? I don't understand what you want?

    Honestly, some of my friends who have those pictures is because their husband is the photographer. Not the girl. So, he knows how to pose them and capture the right shot.

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  14. Kids are tough. :) We paid a good amount of money last year for family photos. Check out the third photo in my post. (It was the first shot my friend got.) My son's face is priceless - and the photo made it onto our Christmas card. :)
    http://lovejaime.com/merry-christmas-and-family-photos/

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  15. LOL! The trick is taking 10,000 of the sameish picture to delete all but one later.

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  16. I have that same thought when I have some really yummy food and think, I should take a picture of this and put it on the blog. It turns out looking terrible, of course, because I'm not a food blogger and I have a crappy camera and I'm trying to take a quick shot of it in a dimly-lit room with one hand while the toddler on my hip tries to rip out my earrings. I guess what I'm saying is, photography might not be enough of a priority for me at this point in my life.

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  17. HA! I love this! I've totally had this happen when I want a cute shot of us with Oreo and we're trying to take it using a timer on the camera, haha! 100 photos later I finally have 1 I can work with. ;)

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