there's so much noise
Multiple people scream-talking
at once.
A chorus of mommy mommy mommy
A meltdown
if I don't answer fast enough.
I can only do one thing at a time! I shout.

They don't understand.
they do
but they don't care.

_ _ _

His tiny hands pull the banana off the counter.
Nana! Nana!
I reach to help
but the tiny hands pull it away.
I wanna do it.
I watch as he twists and squeezes,
the fruit growing soft inside the peel.

I need to help you, buddy.
You can't open a banana without help.


A meltdown
because he can't open it,
and he can't let me help him.

He doesn't understand.
he does
but he doesn't care.
_ _ _

The tiniest whisper
You're going to miss this.

It's what they always say
Enjoy it while it lasts.
The years are short.
You're going to miss it.

But there's so much noise, I reply.
Everything takes so much longer.
It's so much messier.
It's so much harder.

You're going to miss this.

But you just don't remember, I argue.
You forgot.
You blocked it out.

You don't understand.

_ _ _ 

A bucket of Legos upside down
Paper dolls line the kitchen table
Sticky watermelon juice trails along the counter
Dishes piled high in the sink
Three baskets of laundry
I told myself I'd fold two days ago

He runs up to me
buries his head in my chest

He looks up
eyes bright
face shining
blond curls bounce in messy ringlets
Plants a wet kiss on my cheek
Hi, mama.

I pause
stare at him for just an extra heartbeat
We smile at each other
His nose crinkles
His eyes squint

And then the heartbeat is over
he starts to run off
I pull him back for another wet kiss
Pause for another heartbeat

I already miss it.

Amie said...

So true, all of it!! In the moments my 1 year old isn't in a terrible mood from teething I just soak in those happy smiles on his face and with the 6 year old I just cherish the time he curls up next to me. All of these moments amongst the complete chaos. None of it will last forever.

Sarah said...

I so feel this. <3

Jenny Evans said...

Awww. When I was in the middle of it all (I suppose I still kind of am but my baby is 6 so not really) I remember that weird feeling of "I miss this, even though it's happening right now!" I think I drank it all in as much as I possibly could have, it just never felt like enough. I loved it so much.

I thought having them get big would be devastating, but the good news is that you're usually too busy enjoying the ages they're at (most of the time, anyway) to be sad when they actually do get big.

Nadine said...

This!!!! ALL OF THIS!