currently: may 2020


making: I made a batch of lactation cookies last night, which is really just my excuse to eat five cookies a day while tricking myself into thinking they are "healthy" and "good for me" because they have Brewer's Yeast, some ground flaxseed, and coconut oil. But also sugar and chocolate chips soooooo yeah. Just let me live in denial. thankyoubye.

missing: kind of everything, but mostly I miss casually hanging out with friends and family.
*we went strawberry picking at a local farm at the beginning of May! it's one of my favorite spring things to do. This was our third year to go!

learning: all about gardening! I know in my last post I scoffed at people who have time and brain space to pick up new hobbies right now, but after a year of talking about it, we finally put in a raised bed in our backyard a few weeks ago, and we have plants! This is huge for me. I've killed every green thing I've ever had, including two succulents, which I'm pretty sure can survive boiling under the desert sun. Looking back on it now, I'm pretty sure I watered them too much. Anyway. We planted green beans, zucchini, and okra, and even though plants have been growing out of the earth since the beginning of time, Jordan and I can't even handle how cool it is to watch. PHOTOSYNTHESIS. aka magic.

*we stopped at a wildflower field to take a few pictures. I want to take R here and take some 5yo pics of her, so hopefully we can sneak away soon and do that.

loving: besides our garden? I'm 100% loving having a baby around. Granted, would I choose to have a newborn during a global pandemic and quarantine? No. But this guy is bringing me so much joy and so many snuggles, and I don't hate it. I was really nervous about the transition from 2 to 3, since I've heard it can be rough, but honestly I still think going from 0 to 1 has been the hardest for us.
*we went to a local nature park one Saturday morning for a hike! It was so so nice to get out in nature for a bit. The kids had a great time.

watching: I wish I could talk about what I've been reading, buuuuut, I haven't been reading anything. So I'll talk about shows! Jordan and I are watching the ESPN documentary series about the 90's Chicago Bulls team called "The Last Dance." It's so good and like a blast from the past to watch. I remember watching those games! So fun.

I also just re-watched Back to the Future 1, 2, and 3 on Netflix. It's hilarious to see what they thought the year 2015 would be like. Hover boards and flying cars and jackets that automatically adjust to your size. Oh, and apparently in the future, everyone wears their pants inside out. LOL. I'm rewatching "The Office" as I listen to The Office Ladies podcast. Don't judge me. F goes to sleep super late despite my best attempts, and I end up just sitting in the recliner nursing and watching TV every night. Scrambling my already scrambled brains ;) 

what have you been up to currently? I hope you are doing well! Thanks as always for reading!
*we love making pizza! Flat breads from Aldi, Italian chicken sausage, turkey pepperoni, mozzarella cheese, and pasta sauce. The kids get their own bread and bowls to make their own, and they love doing that!

i didn't mean to talk so much about clothes


My last blog post was April 16, and guess what happened on April 17? I'll tell you because you'll never guess. My maternity leave ended and I'm back at work full time! Of course by back at work, I mean working at home by myself with three kids. Yay! IT'S SO FUN AND NOT AT ALL STRESSFUL.

See also: I'm actually feeling really stressed out.
I might be dying.

If one more person posts on social media about their quilt sewing or their bread making or their painting projects or asks what everyone's "quarantine goals" are, I'm going to freak out. I literally have one goal every day and that is to survive with everyone fed and alive and my sink only partially full with dishes.

I'm doing okay and not doing okay. Weirdly both are happening at the same time. I'm deeply grateful for this extra time with my kids and also wish I could lock myself in a closet as soon as I wake up. R started this thing where she pokes you on the nose while hugging you so hard you're choking, and it makes me feel like I might be actually going insane. I want everyone to stop touching me forever.

F is eleven weeks okay, and I'm sorry to say, it feels like eleven weeks. I don't remember him not being here. He's a dream baby and the actual sweetest thing. He cries only when he really needs something, wakes up just a few times at night, eats well, and gives the best tiny baby smiles. He's the only one allowed in the closet with me.

I make a scrapbook of the first 12 weeks for each kid, and poor F will have nothing in it. We've done nothing. Gone nowhere but the park to throw rocks in the pond. Seen next to no one except grandma. But I will say, I've had a ton of fun dressing him even if no one sees him but me. I didn't discover small shops and buy/sell/trade groups until a few years ago, and F is getting the full wardrobe exploration of my second-hand shopping addiction.

Speaking of clothes, recently I moved all of R's clothes where she can reach everything herself. Her shirts are in a dresser drawer, her pants are in a bin under her bed, and her dresses are on a lower rack in the closet. I haven't been saying a single thing about what she wears except "go get dressed," and I love seeing what she comes out wearing. She really has great taste and puts together such cute outfits! The only problem is that now she changes 85 times a day.

J is oddly picky about clothes, and although he's not fully able to get dressed all by himself, he does pick out his shirt, pants, and underwear and gets feisty when I choose for him.

I didn't start this post thinking I'd write so much about my children's clothes, but this is where we're at. I'm judging myself that I haven't blogged in 3 weeks and this is all I have to talk about. But think about THIS: F was born February 18. The few weeks before that we didn't go anywhere because I was super pregnant and uncomfortable and didn't want to do anything but sit on my couch. Then F came and we didn't go anywhere because I was recovering from having a baby + it was cold/flu season and we didn't want to get out too much with a newborn. THEN, just as I was feeling like, hey, I want to see people! everything shut down and no one was allowed to go anywhere. I've basically been quarantined over a month longer than the general population. I love my house but also hate my house right now.

I guess I'll go now... I'm rambling and saying pretty much nothing. But I wanted to check in. I'm alive! We are healthy and thankful to have jobs and a home. My kids have cute clothes, and I never take off my pajamas. I started running again! Unrelated but exciting,

We might not be thriving, but we are doing our best. I'm clinging to God's grace each day.

Just don't ask me if I have any goals. Because I absolutely totally do not.

Easter 2020


Hello! How was your Easter? It was super weird and a super bummer to not be able to dress up and go to church and have a meal with extended family. F just turned 8 weeks old, and I'm still not on top of anything in life, so I didn't plan an Easter meal at home or buy anyone special outfits. I don't do Easter baskets (not because I'm against them but just because I didn't grow up receiving them so it's not on my radar), but I didn't want to be a total lame-o mom, so the last time I was at Walmart (also only the second time I've been to the store in a month) I picked up a paper tablecloth with eggs and flowers on it that the kids colored while we ate sausage biscuits from McDonald's for breakfast. #fancy We ate leftovers from earlier in the week for lunch, and then we tried to get Chinese takeout for dinner but they were closed, so we ate leftovers again. Our Easter food was basically a giant fail. I blame you, virus!

For the first time in my life I bought plastic eggs and filled them with candy and hid them! Usually I leave that to the grandparents, but I figured Quarantine Amanda needed to step up. We of course don't want the focus of Easter to be candy and egg hunts, but it is fun and something I enjoyed as a kid and want my kids to enjoy also! On Friday we talked about how it was Good Friday and what that meant, and then R woke up the next morning and said, "It's Great Saturday!" That gave me a good chuckle.

After our zoom call with our Sunday school class and after watching our church service live stream, we drove to my in-laws' house to hunt eggs. They live less than a mile from us and have a big backyard, so we drove over there and let the kids run around and hunt eggs. My in-laws wore masks and stayed on the porch, and it was nice to be "together" for a bit, as it were.  It's interesting to me that it's getting more normal to not really hang out with anyone. Like, it's still really weird and sad, but every day it's not quite to strange that we just don't see people. Does anyone else feel like that?

I had every intention of getting everyone dressed up and taking (or attempting to take) a nice Easter picture like I saw so many people post on social media, but in the end we stayed in our rain boots and t-shirts, and I don't hate it. Look at us with three kids. Three!

Adding a child to our family has been difficult each time for different reasons, but I still think going from 0 to 1 kid was the hardest. We knew nothing about anything, and everything was so overwhelming, plus you're just not used to getting so little sleep. I also am pretty certain I had undiagnosed postpartum anxiety. 

I feel much more relaxed as far as F goes, and I'm not dealing with huge sleep withdrawals because I'm used to the kids waking up during the night; also I slept horribly for the last few months of my pregnancy. So it's a blessing to have the perspective that comes from multiple children that it really is all a phase and that not everything is a Huge Deal that I need to freak out about. 

That said, having three kids has been insane, and having a newborn during this pandemic has been incredibly difficult. I am not a stay-at-home mom. I've always had a full-time job, and I'm not used to spending all day every day at home with any amount of kids, no less a newborn and two very high-energy toddlers. (One of whom is insisting on potty training! He peed inside a Lego the other day. What is life.) 

I'm grateful to have this time with them, and I've learned a lot about them from being around them so much. (Maybe a post for another time!) But it's also been lonely to not be able to get together with friends or go to the zoo or even the playground. This is just not how I pictured my maternity leave going. But! We are all healthy and together, and that's what matters. And we are thankful that construction hasn't been shut down and that Jordan still has a job he can go to every day. 

Easter was (as always) a wonderful reminder of the hope we have in Christ and how thankful we are for his peace in these anxious times. I hope you had a good one, whatever that looked like for you!