Outside? What's That?

I'm linking up with Jenna for a coffee date.

And by coffee date, obviously I mean you come to my house and bring drinks for both of us. I'm not so much intentionally boycotting the outside right now as I am forgetting it exists. My mother-in-law is concerned by my impending depression and Vitamin D deficiency and felt the need to leave the above note on my kitchen counter.

It seems like in the blog world, when a blogger announces a pregnancy (specifically a first pregnancy), everyone is happy but also kind of like, "Well shoot. Now they're going to stop being interesting and only blog about baby stuff."

So when you came over for coffee, I'd explain to you why that is. 
It's simple, really.

When you have a newborn, nothing else exists. 

Your life is now organized in two-hour chucks of time between feedings. After a feeding, your baby needs a diaper change. They also fuss and need to be calmed down. They fall asleep just in time for the cycle to start all over again. I hear magical stories of a time when I can sleep more than three hours at a time, but so far I've only experienced such wonder a few times, and I think they were accidental.
If you came over for coffee, I would be mostly likely wearing a pair of Jordan's flannel pj bottoms over a pair of Jordan's athletic shorts and an XL t-shirt my dad loaned me. But HOLY COW ONE TIME I PUT ON REAL PANTS.

R and I were headed to the pediatrician for a weight check last week, and I decided to go crazy and try on my green Gap jeans. Those jeans and I, you guys. We understand each other. I wore them up until I gave birth, using the rubber band trick, and so naturally they were the first pants I tried on post-baby. They buttoned and everything! The sky broke open and angels sang.

(Full disclosure: I am muffin-topping the crap out of the them, but they buttoned so, winning.)
If you came over for coffee, we'd spend approximately 97% of the time staring at R. Because that face, you guys. It slays me.

Speaking of R, she rolled over probably a dozen before she was two weeks old. Front to back, which I'm sure is easier, but still! My child is going to be famous! I'm the first mother ever to say that.
Speaking of poop explosions...

Oh we weren't? 
Well let's talk about it.

This child is a poop and pee machine, people. And did you know that girls can spray pee on the wall? Because they can. I've seen it. It scared me, and I screamed. 

This is my life, and I don't hate it.

If you came over for coffee, I'd end my flashing you my boob because girlfriend would need to eat, and I'm not good enough at breastfeeding yet to be cool and nonchalantly whip out a nursing cover. Breastfeeding is actually going okay, by the way. Thanks for asking. I've heard horror stories of bleeding and cracking, and I can't tell you how thankful I am that after the first few days, the pain has been minimal. However, I'm finding the process itself extremely stressful. Is she eating too much? Not enough? Too often? Not often enough? It's not like I can ask her!

It really is hard to remember what life was like just a few weeks ago, before R. She's adorable even when she's screaming her little lungs out. And that, my friends, is why it's hard to blog about or think about anything but baby stuff.

Sorry not sorry and all that jazz.

But if you came over for coffee, after we talked extensively about me, I'd definitely want to know what it's like in the real world of sleep and outside. So tell me, what's new with you?


10 Reasons Running a Marathon is Like Having a Baby [Revisited]

Two years ago, on August 10, 2013, I published this post comparing running a marathon and having a baby. Let's all stop for a moment and appreciate the incredible coincidence of my publishing that post exactly two years to the day of R's birthday on August 10, 2015. What are the odds?

The post was obviously supposed to be funny, not realistic (although some people got kind of uppity about it). Clearly having a baby and running a marathon are not really the same thing, but I had found some similarities that seemed humorous enough to make a post out of.

Now that I've actually been through labor and had a baby, I wanted to revisit that post and see how accurate (or not) it really was.

The short version is this: that post I wrote two years ago is pretty good, and I still agree with all ten points. However, based on my personal experience, there are two stark differences, which I will outline below.

1) Training

When you're training for a marathon, you (usually) have a schedule to follow. Long run on this day, tempo run on this day, rest on this day, etc. You know, for the most part, what to expect from your training. Every week you add another mile or two, and if you do it correctly, your training will prepare you to run the full 26.2 miles. The training and the marathon are essentially the same because when it all boils down to it, you're just running, which you've been doing for months now, only during the marathon it's being timed and you're running faster and farther.

I didn't so much feel like there was any training for labor. The nine months of pregnancy are growing the baby, but it's sure as heck not training for labor. Sure, there are books about labor and videos of labor and birthing classes you can take and breathing coaches you can hire. But at the end of the day, when it comes time for the Big Event, there's no possible way you could have trained for the pain and the emotional and physical toil.

On the day of a marathon, maybe the weather is bad or your shin is hurting and that throws you a curveball, but in general you're running, and you know how to do that.

There's no way to prepare for labor. It just happens, and you do it.

2) The Finish

When you're running a marathon, there's a set finish line. There is one for labor too, but in a marathon, you know where the finish line is. You count down the miles one by one, and each mile is exactly the same distance apart. When you hit The Wall and don't think you can make it one more step, you just think to yourself that you have x more miles and then you'll be done.

During labor, the miles are, in essence, the numbers of dilation, the difference being that the amount of time between centimeters is by no means easy to time. For example, I dilated from a 6 to a 9 in a half hour and then got stuck on 9 for over an hour. That's like running miles 1-26 in a half hour and then taking twice that time to run the last .2 miles. It's like making the final turn toward the finish, only to have the finish line move backwards away from you. Or, maybe just making the final turn and then getting stuck running in place. Either way, it's terrible.

I kept asking the doctor if I was close, if they could see her head, how much longer I had to go. I wanted so badly for her to say something like, "It will take exactly x more minutes and then the baby will be here."

Because when I'm running, I can look at my watch or the most recent mile marker and say to myself, "I'm getting closer. It will take exactly x more miles and then I will be done." When I was in labor, I had no idea when I would be done, and that made it harder to stay mentally invested.

So those are the two main differences. But honestly? I found the process of running a marathon and having a baby quite similar, and for the most part I think I did a pretty good job writing that post considering I had never had a baby!

I'd love to hear what you think! If you haven't read the original post, go check it out and then come back and let me know what similarities or differences you see. Or, is there something else you might be able to compare the process of labor to? A slow death, perhaps?


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