I Kind of Suck Sometimes

Before I get to today's topic, I just have to say that the post I wrote on Wednesday about the Oklahoma tornadoes and prayer jumped up to my 4th most viewed post in ONE DAY. So that was crazy. I got a some great comments, especially one from Scott (don't know who you are, but thanks for commenting!), which started a 45-minute discussion between Jordan and I at 11:00 at night. Much too late to be debating theology but interesting nonetheless. Check it out if you want to add your two cents. Even if you don't pray, I'd love to know what you think.

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Day 24 | Your Top 3 Worst Traits

Sadly, the hardest part of this wasn't thinking of my character defects but narrowing them down to only three. 
You guys, I kind of suck sometimes. Slash* most of the time. 
*I went through a phase in college where I said "slash" a lot. Sometimes I bring it back for old time's sake.

1. I am Quick to Speak

You know that Bible verse about how we're supposed to be slow to speak? Yeah, that's about me. For starters, I interrupt people a lot. Jordan can tell you it's difficult to argue with me because I always have a comeback. 

My parents washed my mouth out with soap a LOT when I was little. (Side note: Thank goodness for editing: I'd written soup originally instead of soap, which changes the punishment entirely.) They'd add a few squirts when I got sassy and make me hold it in my mouth for a minute or two before I could spit it out. Oh the torture.

Also, I'm always right (see #2) and will argue with you about stupid things just to prove a point. However, I should not be a lawyer because:

I don't think things through before I say them. I end up saying the MOST awkward and embarrassing things because I just blurt out the first thing that pops into my head. My friends think this is hilarious most of the time, unless I say something offensive, which has definitely happened more than once.

2. I am Competitive

Being competitive isn't a huge problem for a lot of people, and certainly for some it wouldn't count under top worst traits, but I have a big problem with this. I've toned it down a lot since I was younger. It used to be really bad; now I'm just regular bad. I once gave my brother a charlie horse in the leg because I got mad that he was beating me and kicked him. They banned me from family game night for a while after that.

Now I'm old enough to know that you shouldn't kick people if they beat you, but I still act like a huge baby when I lose. I HATE this about myself. People who aren't competitive don't get it. They're happy to trot along and have fun, and I'm like, "I WILL BEAT EVERYONE!!!!!"

I can't turn it off; the best I can do is tone it down, and I don't do that very well no matter how hard I try.

Let's just say I've ruined many a fun game night with my childish competitiveness. I'm working on it. Maybe when I'm 90 I'll be able to play a board game without inwardly seething when someone beats me. We can hope, anyway.

3. I am Selfish & Impatient

I wrote more about this in an earlier post where I talked about an ipad I won and how I basically ripped it out of Jordan's hands because I wanted to use MY ipad RIGHT THEN. Good grief. Hello, my name is Amanda, and I'm five years old.

Seriously, the fact that anyone puts up with me is a miracle.

What are some of your negative character traits? 
Any other competitive crazies out there? 

Don't Pray for God to Be With You

Photo courtesy of my friend Laura. 

Taken from her house right before she fled the tornado.
She is fine, but her house was destroyed.

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Day 22 | Rant About Something

This is an excellent prompt for today, because I just so happen to have a timely and controversial rant that's been swirling around in my head for the past few days. I don't normally rant about controversial topics unless it's to someone whom I know will agree with me, but it's happening, people.

On Sunday and Monday, Oklahoma was devastated by tornadoes. Dozens of people were injured or killed, and homes were destroyed. The worst of it hit on Monday, just 15 miles from my house, and I know friends who lost their home and everything they own. 

This is, of course, horrible for me and everyone who lives here. I want to help, but they're asking people to stay away and let emergency crews get through to search for bodies and hopefully survivors. I know in the days and months, even years, to come, they will need physical help, but for now the only thing I can do is send money and pray. 

#prayforoklahoma has been trending on Twitter for the past two days, and I've seen this tweeted by celebrities and people all over the world: "Pray for God to be with the people of Oklahoma." 

And this isn't just Oklahoma. 
Pray for Boston. 
Pray for Newtown. 
Pray. Pray. Pray.
This is where my rant comes in.

We don't need to be praying for God to be with us. We never have to pray for God to be with us, in fact. Because here's the thing: God is always with us. We can thank him for being with us, but when it comes to prayer, what we need to be praying for is peace for those whose homes were destroyed and for those who lost loved ones. We need to pray for healing and understanding for those who are angry and confused. We need to pray for comfort for those who survived. 

What we don't need to pray for is that God will be with us. 

I find it comforting that God's presence is not something we need to question or pray for as if it's an unknown. Sometimes knowing he's there is the only thing that's comforting in times of heartbreak.

I think the word prayer itself is misused quite a bit. We throw it around in place of "thinking of" because it sounds better or more official or something, but are we really praying? A prayer isn't a good thought and it's not a hug. A prayer is a cry to God, a conversation with the one who created us. 

I personally try not to use the word prayer if I'm not actually going to lift up a prayer. I'm not saying we shouldn't pray or we shouldn't tell people we're praying for them, and I'm not trying to say I'm judging people or that I'm better than anyone else. I'm saying we shouldn't take the concept of prayer so lightly.

I also think that to pray for God to be with us is failing to understand the most basic concept of our faith, which is that God IS with us all the time. In fact, he's there when we DON'T want him to be there. Like when we're gossiping or lying or cheating or stealing.

Whether or not you believe that he's there isn't for me to discuss or judge (although I would be happy to if you want to shoot me an email), but I do want to say that I believe it, and better yet: I've felt it. I know it's true. 

So the next time tragedy strikes and you go to tell someone you're going to pray for them, make sure you actually DO pray for them. If not, just be honest and say you're thinking about them.

And don't pray for God to be with you. 
It might not feel like it all the time; I get that. But it doesn't change the fact that he already is.

Let Me Tell You a Story

Day 21 || A List of Links to Your Favorite Posts

*An Oklahoma sunset from a few days ago. Our skies can be so beautiful and yet sometimes so deadly. Pray for those affected by the tornadoes in Moore, Oklahoma, yesterday. Many homes were destroyed and lives lost, including multiple children at an elementary school that was demolished. Please consider donating to the Red Cross if you are able. (You can give online here. You can also text REDCROSS to 90999, and a $10 donation will appear on your phone bill.) I personally have friends who lost their home. I can't watch the news without crying. This is 15 miles from my apartment.

I already had this list of links written and scheduled to publish, but I can't stop thinking about how we spend so much time and money filling our lives with such silly things. Even in light of what I wrote yesterday, all that really matters is family and friends. I'm thankful that as far as I know, everyone I know who lives in Moore is safe. So many are not, though. I actually feel like a goober posting this list of links as if everything is normal here. It's not. But I had it scheduled, and I forgot to turn it off.

So.... for the prompt. 
I blog so I can tell stories.

I want to use words and pictures and craft something that will make you laugh or think or nod your head while you say, "That's something Amanda wrote," because it just sounds like something I would say.

I like it when someone tells me they read my blog, and I like it even more when they tell me I'm funny. But what I like the best is when my real-life friends say, "When I read your blog, I can hear you telling me this story. I can picture it happening, because it sounds like you."

That's what I want for everyone who reads--that even if you don't know me in real life, you can hear me telling you my stories. When it comes to this blog, what you see is what you get.

So here are a few of my favorite stories:

> The 4 Stages of Blogging | This is me every. single. day. Anyone else?

> Egg Roulette | The most ridiculous thing my family has ever done.

> My Grandpa's Inappropriate Tie | My grandpa accidentally wore an inappropriate tie to a wedding. Laughter ensued.

> My 1st Half Marathon | This is when I ran longer and farther than I ever thought I could and when my love of running really took off.

> Our Engagement Story | It was a complete surprise.

> Ways I Annoy Jordan [Part 1 / Part 2] | Stories of crazy things I don't remember doing while I'm sleeping.

> Currently Feeling Dramatic | Or, what happens when I write blog posts too late at night. This post might only be funny to me, but whatevs.

Going After My Dream Job

Day 20 | Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now.
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I almost didn't write this one because I couldn't decide what to focus on. I feel like I'm full of struggles right now, and although I try my best to be positive, some days I do better than others at not completely freaking out.

I think the thing I am struggling most with right now is with my career path. If you've been around for a while, you know that going on 3 months ago, I lost my job. It's a long story and slightly too personal to share on this blog, but I will say that I'm still not entirely sure why I lost my job. I've lost sleep thinking about it, though. 

As a driven, dedicated, type-A individual, getting let go from my job was a huge shot to my self-esteem and caused me to question my work ethic (which is excellent, by the way) and wonder just what the heck I'm even doing with my life. 

I decided to use my forced retirement to see if I could actually pursue my dream job: freelance editing.

Come to find out, networking for this kind of thing is even harder than I thought it would be. And seeing as how I thought it would be really hard, the fact that it's even harder than really hard has thrown me for a loop.

I did spend time trying to find a full-time job, but recently I've cut back on that slightly to see if I can network and find editing clients. Because I love editing. LOVE IT. And I'm really good. I have real-life authors who can back that up, so it's not just me saying that. (And before you're like "well I found a typo on your blog, so you can't be that good" let me just say that self-editing is a whole different monster than editing someone else's work. I try to get them all, but I'm not perfect.)

The problem is, I can't just tell my electric bill that I'm a great editor and call it even. My apartment office won't take an IOU for rent.

Jordan and I have a great budget in place, and we're currently debt free (HOLLER!), but we're not those people who can make it on just one income, so I need to be bringing in money. I'm struggling with knowing what I should do and whether or not I should be pursing this editing thing at all, and I struggle with NOT STRESSING OUT about it. 

I am a worrier. I didn't think I was, maybe because I hoped I wasn't. But it turns out I'm the worry wart, and Jordan's the optimistic one in our marriage. I think we're both surprised about that.

Anyway, I don't have an answer to any of this yet, obviously. I'm in the middle of it, and just like my letter to my newlywed self I wrote last week, I wonder what future me would write in a letter to myself right now. I would definitely tell myself to stop worrying, but we all know that's easier said than done.

Yesterday at church we sang the classic hymn "It Is Well With My Soul," and I had to ask myself if it really IS well with my soul. I want it to be. So much. I want to have peace no matter what, and I want to be joyful and thankful for what I have instead of thinking about all that I don't have.

So.... yeah. I don't know how to end this except to add a shameless plug for myself. If you need editing for a book you're writing or you know someone who's looking for an editor, you can send them to my website, where I have my fees listed as well as a blog where I post writing and editing tips (like how to correctly use apostrophes--HUGE pet peeve of mine). You can also follow @amanda_editor on twitter.