The Most Fun I've Ever Had


Every time I sit down to write, I'm overcome with the privilege, the gratitude, the wonder, and I close the computer because I don't know how to start.

I'm not going to tell you that I love being pregnant. I'm not going to say that it was the most fun I've ever had, that I wasn't tired, wasn't slow, wasn't tossing and turning at night getting up to pee five times and yelling at Jordan to help me flex the massive cramp in my calf.

I gain the recommended amount of weight every time (25-30 pounds, give or take), and since I grow basketballs, that weight sits mostly in my middle, pushing on my hips and my bladder and making it really difficult to get up off the floor once I somehow get down.

This time I felt pretty great, up until about a month to go, when my body said, okay thank you very much for your time, but we are done here, and stopped being so nice to me. I've been having ridiculously crazy dreams, when I'm able to sleep at all; I'm tired, my hips and back hurt, and I pretty much waddle everywhere now. That's not even mentioning the emotional treat I am to be around. I've embarrassed myself more than once this pregnancy ugly crying in a situation where I definitely did not want to be crying at all.

But all that to say, I don't know.... honestly, it's kind of the most fun I've ever had. 

My body seems to do "pregnant" pretty well, all things considered. I'm almost done growing my fourth baby, and I've never ever taken it for granted even a little bit that I've had healthy, mostly boring pregnancies. I continued running with this baby up to 30 weeks pregnant, which is the latest I've ever kept running, and something I'm really proud of. I've never gotten heartburn, major swelling, or months and months of nausea.

It's an honor to be here, one last time. We are definitely done after this (pending an unplanned event, of course), and I really am going to miss it. There's an excitement in the anticipation. People ask you how you're feeling, they give you extra donut holes, offer to help carry things. I've always felt like there was just a slightly higher level of consideration and grace that really we should all show to everyone all the time, honestly.

I plug not finding out the gender of your baby at every chance I get. This is the second time we've done it, and it really is so much fun. It's fun to know in advance as well, but not knowing just adds an extra layer of excitement as we get closer to my due date.

Truly, I feel so grateful for my pregnancies and know it's not something everyone is able to experience. I'm 37 weeks today as I write this, and you name a feeling, I'm feeling it. As we get closer to the end of August, I'm feeling more and more anxious about delivery, about bringing a new baby home, managing working full time, transitions with the older siblings, and everything in between. I've reached the end. Mentally, I'm out. Physically, I'm over it.

My hips are hurting, I'm tired but I can't sleep, I still have a number of things to cross off my seemingly endless to-do list.

But I'm so incredibly thankful to be here, this one last time.
It's kinda sorta, pretty much definitely the most fun I've ever had.