Livin' on Saltines and Sprite (and a Prayer)

2.09.2012

I have, in the past two days, eaten the following: 

(1) sleeve of saltines
(1) blueberry muffin
(2) bananas

And my stomach has shrunk to the size of a small potato. 

Why? Because I was unceremoniously attacked on Monday night by one of those 24-hour stomach viruses. I spent the whole of Tuesday lying on the couch, waiting for the next bathroom run and praying for the strength to survive. I was certain Wednesday would never come. It was the worst day of my life to my recollection, and I'm now convinced that there's nothing worse than hourly vomiting. How could there be? Seriously. I've never been pregnant, and after Tuesday I never plan to be. Who wants to sign up for morning sickness for weeks? I ain't no sucker.

I called my mom to ask if she could ever remember me being so sick. She said no. When it comes to throwing up, I'm more of a one-and-done kind of girl. This was something else entirely.

Let's just say you know you've struck a new low when your husband of eight months is carrying plastic bags full of last night's Chick-fil-A to the Dumpster. Was that too much information?

I'm happy to say that I'm in a better place now. A place that involves being outside of my apartment, which has been thoroughly wiped down with Lysol and Fantastic. My main reason for sharing so much personal information with the internet stalkers is so you can commiserate with me and also so I can remember this terrible time later when I'm complaining about a headache. I need to learn my lesson from this. A headache is candy compared to what I just went through. So I arrive at life's golden lesson: gratefulness.

And even though I'm feeling closer to normal with each moment I travel further away from Tuesday, I am still afraid to eat anything besides saltines and bananas. This is the worst way to diet ever. Not that I'm dieting. Or want to diet. But it seems to have been forced upon me, because I can't look at food the same way again. 

Just thought you should know.

2 comments:

  1. OH NO! I hope you feel better soon... and can eat something more than saltines and bananas.

    ReplyDelete
  2. OMG, I have had this bug before and it SUCKS big time. You weren't exaggerating either; it literally is hourly vomiting. I remember looking at the clock after each barf and thinking "OK, I can sleep for 60 minutes before the hell starts again." You poor thing. Drink as much H2O and Gatorade as possible to stay hydrated! You'll be scarfing down a cheeseburger in no time.

    Too soon?

    ReplyDelete

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