Out of Shape


The reason I don't just totally give up on this blog, stop paying my yearly fee for domain hosting, is because I like knowing that there is a place waiting for me to come write even if it's been months (since January???).

I write a lot for my day job. Emails, mostly. I laugh when I see the memes about removing exclamation points when sending professional communication, because sometimes I do need to take a few out. It's not always easy to strike the right balance of friendly yet straightforward. And copying/pasting from the email I sent last week with yet another reminder of a missed deadline with a "as per my previous email" line tacked on for good measure is (unfortunately) too passive aggressive and generally frowned upon.

I was reading something recently where the person was talking about writing being a muscle, and how you have to practice and work to get in "writing shape." Maybe that's why it feels like writing for fun is so hard right now. I'm definitely in no kind of shape, writing or otherwise.

Sometimes I wonder about the things I spend my time on. I'm the first to admit that I have a hard time relaxing, and when I do have a spare moment, it's important to me that I don't feel like I've wasted it. There are some things that never feel like a waste of time. Running never feels like a waste of time. Praying doesn't, although I don't do it as often as I should. I suppose cleaning the kitchen doesn't, though who ever wants to do that?

It feels like a constant juggling act. Choosing which balls to hold, which ones to toss, and how many to try and keep in the air. As I sit here typing, I can feel Baby Bum number 4 rolling and punching inside me. I don't take for granted this new life that we are preparing for to join our family in August. Our last baby (pending some kind of crazy event). Growing a baby definitely is not a waste of time, although it does feel a little like we are resetting a clock on our lives. Another newborn stage of being so tired, another attempt at breastfeeding, another terribly sad first day of daycare. Not that I'm ungrateful, but I'm also starting to look forward to what's on the other side of the pregnancy/baby stage. Remind me I said that when I'm snuggling a cozy newborn.

Is writing this post a waste of time? Were all the hours I put into writing posts the last ten years a waste of time? I guess it depends on what you consider a waste of time to be. Certainly something that brought me joy isn't a waste of time. Something fun. Something creative. I feel this way about working on my scrapbooks, which I find so fun, and yet when it's over I wonder if it's ridiculous to have spent so much time on a single spread of pages. But, I mean, is it a waste of time to spend a week working on icing sugar cookies for a birthday party only to eat them?

Do people feel like this about their hobbies? Maybe you can relate a little bit, or maybe you have no idea what I'm talking about. But I'll tell you one thing: it feels good to exercise my creative writing muscle even just a little.

AnneMarie said...

Oh wow, congratulations on the baby!!!! I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers. I'm also due in August with Baby #4 (this will be our third August baby!). I hope that you have a peaceful and smooth rest of pregnancy and transition into the newborn stage!

I also find your post's timing really interesting, because I was JUST listening to a podcast all about leisure (the growing-in-communion-with-God-and-others kind of leisure, not just binging youtube). It can be so easy to slip into the mentality that we have to constantly be producing and working, but just as God's work of creation led to his rest on the seventh day, I think it's so important that we all make time to recharge and rest.

Kaity B. said...

Aaaaand I'm reminded why we're friends 😉 Genuinely, this resonates so deeply. I hate feeling like I'm wasting time (it's why I don't like watching movies or follow sports). I miss writing, but I'm also very out of writing shape and struggling with where to (re)start!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on baby #4! I have been reading your blog for several years but have never commented before. I just wanted to say thanks for your budgeting blog posts. About 3 years ago I found them and they taught me so much and helped me on my budgeting journey😁

Amanda said...

I love that! So glad my posts were helpful to you in some way. Thanks for reading and for sharing that :)