I was hanging out with some friends a few months ago, and one of my friends mentioned another friend of hers who had recently gotten a new car. "I'm really not ever jealous of people," she said. "But I'm a little jealous of her awesome car."
My first reaction was to think, Wow I'm jealous of people all the time. I wish I was never jealous. My second reaction was to realize that by wishing I were able to not be jealous like my friend, I just proved my own point.
This is one of the things I really don't like about myself: my constant comparing. It's nearly instantaneous when I see or hear something, and it's an embarrassing thing to share because it sounds so... so ungrateful. So entitled.
The truth is, I'm not at all unhappy with my life. I've been blessed in so many ways, and I'm so thankful. But I really struggle with comparing and jealousy. Social media in particular can be a big trigger for me. I go in waves where I consider deleting all of it, but I do like parts of it too, and I just haven't figured out the balance. It seems to be all or nothing with me, and I wish I could find a good solution!
I shared this struggle with my mom some time ago, and she said that it's easy to pick and choose pieces of someone's life that we'd like to have, but you can't just switch out parts you want and leave the rest. If you want to trade one aspect of someone's life, you have to be okay with trading all of it: their family, their spouse, their kids, their job. And of course I don't want to do that. I'd just maybe like to replace a few of my things with a few of their things, but I don't want it all.
I honestly get so frustrated with myself. Philippians 1:6 says: "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it at the day of Jesus Christ." I love that verse for the promise it holds that Christ is working on me, perfecting my weakness and giving me grace to wake up and try again the next day, next hour, next minute.
I don't know if this whole thing sounds lame or sad or just pathetic, but I share with the hope that if you struggle with this too, you aren't alone. And the awareness of the struggle is a gift from God, allowing our eyes to be opened to our sin so that we can ask for help from the one who is, even now, doing a very good work. It's an encouragement to me, and I hope it is for you too :)
*Comments turned off. Sometimes I just like to share without the pressure of comments, but as always I'd love to hear from you if you do have a response!
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