Thoughts on 15 Weeks

8.30.2019


Today marks 15 weeks with Baby Bum #3! This photo is actually my 14-week picture, taken in my office bathroom of course. I don't know if it's the angle or the stripes or what, but I feel like I look huge (relatively speaking to 39 weeks lol) here. My stomach still feels mostly like a giant blob and less like a cute rounded bump, but hopefully those days are coming soon.

My official due date is February 21. I'm not sure if I ever actually said. R will be exactly 4.5, and J will be just over 2.5.

I find myself, as I tend to do, jumping between feeling calm and feeling super anxious. I've realized that I'm just generally a very anxious pregnant person, thinking about all the things that could go wrong, and it's hard to know if everything is okay in there when you can't feel any movement.

According to my previous pregnancy journals, I started feeling R move around 24 weeks (suuuuper late, and I remember multiple panic moments about it) and J around 18 weeks, so I have a few weeks still, I think. My next appointment is Sept 11, and then I'll schedule the anatomy scan after that.

We are not planning to find out the gender! That will be something different and fun, though I'm halfway wondering how that's going to work since Jordan claims he could tell the previous two times by looking at the ultrasound before the tech even told us. Hopefully they can turn the screen off before he spots anything. Or doesn't spot anything, I suppose.

I know someone at church who is in the worship band with me whose daughter just had a baby. They thought the whole time it was a girl based on multiple ultrasounds, and it came out a boy! That isn't the first time I've known someone that happened to. So crazy that kind of mistake still happens. That story is obviously totally unrelated to me, except that I was thinking, well at least with not finding out the gender beforehand we can avoid any chance of being surprised in that way!
This past weekend R and I flew to Illinois to spend a few days with one of my college roommates.  I went to a small Christian school in small-town Illinois, and there's something about the cornfields of Illinois that is so calming to me and brings me right back to college days. It was nice to be in some cooler weather also! Before we left, I texted my friend and was like, so what kind of clothes do I bring? I don't remember what 70 degrees feels like.

Clothing is in that awkward stage of not feeling totally comfortable/cute in many of my shirts. I've been rotating the same few for weeks now. Maternity stuff is still a little too large, but many of my normal shirts are not flattering. I finally bought my very first pair of maternity jeans! I ordered my quarterly Stitch Fix box to have maternity items, and I kept 3 things, which is the most I've kept from any box yet! A pair of jeans, a blouse, and I'm completely blanking on what the third item. Clearly I loved it ;) 

I'm settling in to the second trimester, so thankfully the really bad part of "morning" sickness seems to be past. If you've been pregnant you know why I used quotes. Morning sickness is not just for mornings. I seem to handle pregnancy in a similar way each time. It's why I thought J was going to be a girl--it felt like all the same symptoms as my pregnancy with R.

I never threw up (praise!), but I did have all-day nausea from about week 7 through week 10/11. My symptoms don't start as early as some people's, and I'm always panicking in weeks 5/6 that I feel relatively normal so clearly that means I'm going to have a miscarriage. Jordan is constantly talking me off the ledge.

Getting both the kids up and dressed every morning and trying to get out of the house and do daycare dropoff while feeling like I could potentially throw up at any moment was not my favorite. A few times I'd be driving down the highway and have to pull an extra shirt out of someone's backpack and lay it in my lap just in case I had to vomit. Thankfully it never went that far, but it was rough for a bit!

I feel like now I have more of a true morning sickness, and I have to eat something almost as soon as I wake up. I'm super tired and falling asleep with R in our bed at 8:30. But I've gotten some energy back and don't feel quite as lethargic.

I'm sad to say I have not been running/working out very much. I kept up with it pretty well when I was pregnant with R and J, but this time it's just been a lot with two toddlers and working full time. I've been so tired and not wanting to get up early, and then I'm falling asleep so early that it doesn't leave me much time outside of work to get a run in! Trying to remember that this is a season of life and doesn't mean I'll never work out consistently again.

As far as cravings/aversions, I guess I'm just not one to get those when pregnant? I can't think of anything that just doesn't sound good at all. I ate pretty well through the first trimester. Pizza and macaroni and cheese sounded particularly good pretty much all the time, but I wouldn't say I ever straight-up craved it.

I think the hardest thing for me so far, other than the nausea and tiredness and anxiety, has been feeling connected to this baby. When I went for my first appointment I was 8.5 weeks, and I only saw the heartbeat flickering on the monitor, but I didn't hear it. I did hear the heartbeat at my second appointment, but she had a hard time finding it at first because the baby was moving around so much. I felt a little nervous when she was poking around trying to find it, and then once she got it, it felt like it was so quick and then it was over. And I can't feel anything moving in there yet. 

We've been so busy with work and the kids and our summer schedule of swim lessons and birthdays and trips that it's just felt hard to really feel pregnant. This might be our last pregnancy (not sure yet, but it could be), and I really want to enjoy it and not try to rush things, but it's hard when I feel so anxious about everything being okay and want to get to the part where I have more of a real bump and feel the baby moving consistently. 

I don't have a point, really. Just sharing my thoughts at this stage. I'm incredibly thankful to have had a healthy pregnancy so far. I don't take it for granted at all. It's such a miracle, and although I am nervous about adding another child to our family when so often I still feel overwhelmed with our two, we are also so excited to meet our newest Baby Bum in February!

9 comments:

  1. You look fabulous! I totally get the squishy tummy/not a cute round bump feeling, though. I feel like things have *finally* gotten a little more solid there and the bump resembles a real baby bump (vs. possibly a food bump or just fat, lol). I know you've already been through it twice so you have expectations, but I struggled to bond at first with this little lump. First of all, I was (am? I'm mostly past it now at 26 weeks) terrified of a miscarriage so I tried to stay neutral when it came to getting attached. I nearly cried when I first heard the heartbeat, but I think it was relief- not love. I don't think I felt any kind of connection to her until I SAW her on the ultrasound monitor at 16 weeks. And the bond got even better when we found out her gender. (Not trying to sway you to find out, just saying that's when things flipped for me.) The movements I feel also make me feel like I "know" her better, which is kind of silly but I'll take it.
    You're doing great! Don't fret!

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  2. So cute! Those first few weeks in pregnancy are always so anxiety inducing for me, I think just because we've dealt with a loss. With A I think I started puking at 6 weeks, and B was right at 7 weeks, and that other time I never had a single symptom - which was like the biggest red flag! So I can see how that makes you panic! And like you said, it makes you go crazy in your head when you can't feel the baby physically move yet! Man those weeks are TOUGH! I'm glad you're maybe over the hump though, and starting to cruise into the second tri! Sounds like the kids will be at great ages once baby #3 is born! And I'm so excited that you're doing a surprise! That will be so special to find out on their birth day!

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  3. I agree, early second trimester is a hard stage in pregnancy for dressing! Nothing fits yet. Your bump is so cute though, it definitely looks like a baby bump!

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  4. I didn't find out the sex of the baby with my last two pregnancies, and it was the best! I only wish I'd thought to do it earlier. Once you have girl stuff and boy stuff already, functionally the only difference is that you pull a different box out of the basement (and really, by #3 you don't care whether the boy uses pink towels or that the girl wears sleeper's that say "daddy's little guy," anyway.)

    Whenever we told an ultrasound tech we didn't want to know, she would tell us at which points during the U/S to look away because we "might" see something telling.

    Jordan is lying. Half the time I wonder if the techs even know what they're looking at. Every baby on an ultrasound looks like a blobfish at best.

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  5. Wow, that cornfield looks beautiful! That sounds like a nice trip.
    I hope you are able to get some good rest and that you experience the peace of Christ as you go forth in this pregnancy! Being pregnant when I had one toddler was exhausting, I can't imagine how hard it would be with two little kids running around! Hang in there!

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  6. Glad to hear things are going well! It's amazing how fast pregnancy flies while you have other kids, you barely have time to think about it!

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  7. Katie, I actually don't feel like it's been going that fast! I think about it a LOT because I'm always so anxious about it. None of my pregnancies have felt like they moved quickly. But I know that's not the case for many people :) The last few weeks have gone a tad quicker than the first trimester did, though.

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  8. I'm amazed at people's ability to wait until the baby arrives to know the gender! I've had a couple of close friends do that (including one who is pregnant right now) and every time I'm so impressed with them for making it all the way to the end before they find out! I was definitely in the find out ASAP camp (blood work at 10 weeks). But I think there is definitely something fun about the surprise of waiting!

    I'm so glad you are feeling better now! That all day nausea is so rough. Hopefully you will start feeling Baby Bum moving next month! Feeling those sweet flutters will hopefully help with the attachment! <3

    Also, Illinois cornfields. So beautiful. Every time we go visit Christopher's old town that he grew up in, I am amazed all over again at how beautiful Illinois is.

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  9. Angel is pretty good with ultrasounds as well and I feel like you'd definitely have had to not look at the screen in order to NOT know with either of our little guys. haha! I didn't feel Cyrus until pretty far along and this one only in the past couple weeks have I felt distinctly or regularly. I've decided that third trimester is my favorite--feeling the baby move does help with anxieties.

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