Things Strangers Say

6.10.2015

^^^This was taken exactly one week ago at 29 weeks. I didn't wear that shirt to work.

I must look pregnant.

I mean, okay. Duh. Obviously I know that I AM pregnant. But I must really be looking pregnant these days.

(Side note: who are these people who give birth without even knowing they were pregnant. I’ll just throw it out there: these people are dumb. Sorry not sorry if that offends anyone. Seriously, carrying a baby for 9 months and don’t know it? Dumb.)

Anyway, back to the point.

I, or more specifically, my baby bump, have in the last week been commented on by strangers. I had received zero stranger comments until last week, which leads me to my conclusion that I must be actually looking pregnant instead of just like possibly I've been frequenting Chipotle too many times.

Why do people feel it’s more necessary to talk to me now that I’m gestating? I have never once felt the need to comment to a random stranger about their baby and/or baby bump. Do I think things in my head? Of course I do. I'm not a robot. Do I say it to their face? Nope.

Examples:

ONE
I was at the outlet mall buying Jordan socks. I’m checking out, and the cashier says, “When are you due?”
August, I say. 
“Oh man. It’s going to be a hot summer for you!” Then she shakes her head and gives me a look of pure pity.

Right.

Because I didn’t already think about that while I’m having hot flashes in the middle of the night. Also, my thighs are sweating.

It’s the first week of June.
Can you buy stock in ice?

I'm contemplating buying one of those garage freezers at Lowe's for $100 and sleeping in there at night. Don't worry, I'll cut a hole at the top for air.

TWO     
I used to have a bladder worth bragging about. No, I don’t need to go to the bathroom before we begin this 15-hour road tip! My bladder is a steel trap!

Now I go to the bathroom, and by the time I walk back to my desk I have to go again. This makes driving 3 hours down to Texas loads of fun.

The last weekend in May, we drove to Texas because my mom was throwing me a baby shower. On the way there, we stopped at a fried pie place to use the facilities. And we also bought a fried pie because, well basically because I have no self-control, if you want to know the truth.

The cashier eyes me then says, “You look like you’re about to pop!”

Well shucks. Thanks so much.

I just started my third trimester, so I have about 11 weeks to go. My skin already feels like it can’t stretch any more. WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN? I’m scared.

Although clearly not scared enough to not eat fried pies.

THREE     
Last week I was walking around downtown on my lunch break. I was just passing the courthouse when I hear a lady call out, “Oh my goodness! When are you due?” 

I stopped to locate the voice and then said to her, “August.” 

She went on to ask me if it was my first, if it was a boy or girl, and if we had a name picked out. All the while, I was clutching my purse and looking around, wondering if she was distracting me while I got pick-pocketed from behind. I ain't no sucker.

When I told her it was a girl, she shouted, “Oh my gosh! You need to name her Piper!”

Then she pointed to herself and said, “My name is Piper! It’s such a great name. So unique, and it’s served me well all these years.”

Um, yeah okay.

I told her that I’d think about it and that Piper was a very nice name. I mean what else are you supposed to say? Good grief, people. Even if I was thinking Piper was a valid option, I'm not any more because how do I explain to her that she was kind of named after a random person I met at the downtown courthouse? You just can't explain something like that. It's worse than my mom telling me they picked my name out of a hat. (That actually happened.)

Honorable Mention
Everyone at church who tells me, "You're tiny!" as though this is supposed to be some kind of compliment. Really? Because none of my shirts fit over my stomach (re: see photo above), and I can't pull my office desk chair close enough to the desk to reach the keyboard from a comfortable angle. But tiny. Sure. Thanks.

I felt vindicated at my last doctor's appointment when my doctor said Baby Bum is measuring big. TAKE THAT, EVERYONE. I probably shouldn't be too surprised seeing as how I was over 10 pounds when I was born. 

My mom is a beast. We'll just leave it at that.
Also, I'm scared. Have I said that already?

Are we sure storks have completely stopped bringing babies?

In other more exciting news, it is OFFICIALLY ONE MONTH UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY! I will be wearing this shirt whether or not it fits. No shame. Amen.

42 comments:

  1. Awww, I used to get so mad when strangers were making comments about my baby bump! I feel your pain!

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  2. So true that never once in my life have I seen a pregnant person and thought hey I do not know them but better talk to them about a really personal thing going on with them!!

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  3. You do get used to the comments. I worked past my due date with Ryan because I would have been bored sitting at home. I remember a few customers asking me when I was due and cheerfully telling them, "Last week!" I loved seeing the look of shock on their faces!
    I did get smarter and didn't work past my due date with the other two. :)

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  4. Yeah, people have no shame...also, what the heck is a fried pie?! Haha

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  5. Man, if someone did what Piper did I'd make up a story about how the worst person I ever knew had that name and see how they react. I got asked ALL the time if I was having twins, excuse you (them, not YOU). The best was when I was about 7 months along, very large and a customer at work asked when I was due. I didn't hear him and asked him to repeat the question and he said "aren't you pregnant?" which I misheard and said "no" so he freaked out apologizing, then I realized what happened and corrected him. But that was hilarious. I recommend doing it if you get super fed up.

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  6. Okay. Lol. I have a pet peeve about people saying "So and is about to pop!" It's just a weird as disturbing thought. If I ever have children, I fear for the person who says that to me. I mean, it grates on my non-hormonal nerves enough as it is. Lol.

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    1. I also hate commenting on blog posts with my phone. *So-and-So is about to pop!

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  7. I'm terrified too...but after our Prepared Childbirth class this past weekend, I'm feeling a BIT less anxiety. And I am 110% sure the anesthesiologist/epidural will be my BFF! :)

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  8. Hahaha...yikes. I can't really get over the Piper lady. Also, with the popularity of Orange is the New Black, I think Piper is definitely out of the question these days. I will admit that I'm completely guilty of talking to moms and dads about their babies. I've never once said anything to a pregnant woman, but a lady carrying a precious baby? Almost every time. Since I've never had a child, I'm not one of those people who offer advice or try to relate to their struggles. Instead, this is usually what I say, "OH MY GOSH. SO CUTE!"

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  9. Wow...some people just don't know when to stop, right? I am like you...I've thought things before, but I never say them out loud. Especially not to a pregnant lady. I have said something like "cute baby" or "so adorable" to someone in line in front of me with a young one that is attempting to interact with me. I do that more or less to let the mom know that it's ok with me for them to interact so she doesn't try to make them stop or feel stressed they are bothering me or something. Will be interesting to see how/if the comments continue and/or get more intense as your due date approaches. And heck yes on the birthday shirt! LOVE it!

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  10. Ahhh, so awkward! That lady downtown reallllllly probably wanted you to come and join her and hang out for the day while she asked you lots more questions. I've never said anything to pregnant women (besides my friends) in fear of saying the wrong thing. I think that means that when I'm pregnant, I'll get comments and questions left and right. ;)
    I love the birthday shirt! Happy early bday!!

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  11. For some bizarre reason, there is nothing more public or socially acceptable to talk about other than pregnancy. Everyone has an opinion about it and will share it with you. One of our neighbors (male, and not someone I'd consider a close friend) asked if he could touch my stomach. What!?!? No, you creepy psycho. I don't get it.

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  12. omg. I have a whole list of these for going through infertility. The things people say really are SO ridiculous and they have NO idea how hurtful they can be with their comments!

    Hooray for a birthday coming up!!! I tend to avoid mine, but love when people celebrate theirs!

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  13. Hahah!! The lady downtown. So random.

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  14. this is hilarious. i am pretty rude to strangers - not my fault, its just from living in sydney - so i can't wait to see how i react to people like this.
    i used to love the name Piper because of Charmed. hahaha. but yeah that is super weird.
    I love that your parents pulled your name out of a hat. my mum said 'your dad got to choose boy names and i got to choose girls, so i chose the name he hated because i hated your brother's name' gee thanks mum. she hates my younger brother's name as well.

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  15. Oh my goodness. I can't even. I've never said anything to a pregnant woman. Mostly because I'm worried the woman won't actually be pregnant, but just a a little chubs and then I'd die from embarrassment, but also because I try not to do to others what I hope others wouldn't do to me. In other news Happy It's Almost Your Birthday!

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  16. So, I can't relate, because I'm a dude, and really have no business being here. But I love your blog ;). In any case I watched my wife go through this and her comments have always been pretty much the same as yours, especially the "can I touch your belly?" remarks. I guess its a southern thing or maybe like Ali said it opens the doors to comments because its a rather disarming topic for the person approaching the poor young lady having to deal with them. In further news, it gets worse ;) Just wait till the baby is born. The comments increase ten fold. It gets ridiculous, even if you are just walking around with the carrier (which I have done a few times to bring it in from the car during church). People want to see, touch, smell (seriously), kiss, hug, hold, pinch, coo, and whatever else you can think of every time there is a baby in the room. I'll admit, I make my own comments to my wife's chagrin to other ladies and their babies. As a relatively new dad, they (babies and their baby bumps) have taken a surprisingly cute appeal to me since my first son was born. If you had asked me a month before my son was born I would have said babies are gross, and annoying, and I'm scared to hold them. Two kids later and I can't get enough.

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  17. I need that shirt for next month too. I'm a July baby. Estherdavison@gmail.com

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  18. So funny- people are crazy, especially Piper!! LOL! I would never ask a stranger about the baby they are growing... One- why would they want to talk about it with me? And Two- why would I care? I mean that in the nicest way possible, lol! Why would want to know details about due date/gender/etc of a person I will never see again?!

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  19. Do you know is weird and I have seen this done, thankfully not to me as I've never had a baby but even I thought it was awful. I was out with my cousin when she was pregnant with my god son and someone she had never met in her life came over and went oohh when is it due as she stroked her stomach!! I assumed she knew her so said nothing but apparently not! Who just goes up to someone in the street and strokes their tummy that is extremely weird. She was so shocked she didn't go excuse me why are you touching me.
    x

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  20. It's like people become absolute idiots when they see a pregnant woman. Why oh why?! Just smile. Say congrats. And leave well enough alone. I never minded people asking when I was due, but any question other than that was just crossing the 'too personal' line. Leave it alone, people. I got the 'you're so tiny' comments all the time too. It annoyed me. I was proud of myself that I didn't look like a whale in the eyes of others, but I also wasn't blind. I have a mirror at home. I knew nothing fit right anymore and that clothes were being outgrown at an alarming rate. Sigh. Don't be afraid to just smack people. That'll teach 'em. Ha. Joking, only sorta joking.

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  21. "You need to name her Piper!" O-kay, crazy lady... I hope you hadn't really picked out the name Piper? Because that's ruined now.

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  22. k what you're literally hilarious. like when I'm pregnant can I just tell you what I want to blog about and then pay you to do it so that people can think I'm funny, too? and also now I'm excited even more to be prego because although it's annoying when people say dumb things it also makes a great story / blog post / keeps me entertained through the day. moral is- you should name your baby Candace because that name has served me so well!!

    hahahaahha obviously kidding.


    but when you put a bunch of names in a hat plz include mine.

    thx

    xo, Candace | Lovely Little Rants

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  23. I am seriously regretting my life choices, in that I never managed to stop at the fried pie place on my trips between Texas and Oklahoma. What kind of pie did you get?
    (I have no commentary to add to the baby awkwardness, but I hope you continue to share people's weirdness, because it's funny!)

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  24. Oh my stinking goodness! This is SO true!!!! People be crazy!!! Also, it only gets worse after the baby's born. For realzzz.

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  25. That Piper story is just too much. I've heard all kinds of "strangers walked up to me and said" stories from my pregnant friends, but that is a definite first. I've heard stories about women being asked all kinds of personal things while pregnant. Including what they want to name the baby. But I've never heard of a complete stranger saying "oh well hey, I have a great name... you should use it for your kid!" So weird. So so weird.

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  26. It seems like a right of passage when you're pregnant to have strangers say stupid things to you…I mean really why would you say you look ready to pop without actually knowing how far long they are?! well I don't even know why you would say that in the first place but like come on use a little bit of logic?

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  27. People will say the most random things to strangers!! I think you need to rock that shirt no matter what, it's perfect!

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  28. Oh my gosh I can hardly get over this! I feel so awful for you! I won't say anything to someone unless I know for sure they are pregnant because someone else told me... because you just never know. And even then I'm careful what I say and NEVER touch their belly. What kind of a lady tells you to name the baby after herself? Maybe if she was like Taylor Swift sure I would take that suggestion as reasonable but... REALLY? how rude! Also, I NEED that shirt. Too bad it's a little to late for this year.

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  29. Yes, I'm afraid it is only the beginning. People will be talking to your baby next (in which you'll have to answer, awkwardly, cause of course they can't talk yet, and once they can talk you'll wonder what is going to come out of their mouths). It isn't the size of the baby as much the size of the head, so if you've got a big head, then yeah...be prepared for that. You've run marathons, woman. You've got this in the bag.

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  30. lol this is hilarious. "You should name her Piper!" umm what? I just keep quiet... usually works out just fine.

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  31. Yes, yes, yes. I was surprised the first several times that strangers made a comment to me. I think I was in some kind of denial that it was that obvious that I was pregnant! The most common offenders seem to be checkout clerks. The worst was when I was 35 weeks and the lady at the register asked when I was due. When I told her I still had about 5 weeks to go she said, "Wow, you're huge! I thought for sure you were already overdue!" And then she proceeded to repeat it about three more times before we could get out of there. I just stared at her, dumbfounded. Then I cried, of course, when we got back in the car!

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  32. Hahaha! This was so funny! I love when you do these posts because they are so fun to read! I appreciate your constant, "I'm scared" comments. Every time I think about pregnancy I think about the fact that a whole baby has to come out... But don't worry, you'll be fine. ;)

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  33. Haha! I haven't gotten any stranger comments yet- can't wait!

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  34. The mere thought of ever taking the initiative to talk to a completely stranger for no reason at all boggles the mind of this not-entirely-extroverted person. I couldn't. I wouldn't. I don't even initiate convos about the weather, let alone other people's pregnancies.
    And yet people like my dad and husband talk to random people all the time. I think the East has a much higher tolerance for very, very personal questions and comments than the West does. Just last night, I had a long conversation in Chinese with a restaurant owner who asked how much our salary was and what our religion was in addition to at least a dozen more questions--some more normal than others. Mom was on bedrest for a long time with her only pregnancy in Malaysia, so that meant fewer inquiries, but, famously, when baby sister was a newborn, one of the aunties who works at market saw her carrying the baby accosted her and asked if she was even married yet and if she was even old enough to have a baby. My mom's reply, "Well, I'm 37 and I've been married 16 years and have 6 other kids..." At this point, I think all strangers' comments are just fodder for good stories! :)

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  35. Some people really are shameless.
    I hope I'm not one of them.

    Could you name your baby Charlotte though? Because that's my name, and I think it's the best name ever.

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  36. Bahahah! I love your commentary to these people's comments. It certainly is amazing what people say to a pregnant woman. The lady at the courthouse must of been on drugs. Whacko! :)

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  37. I love this! I was constantly stunned at the audacity some people have. I would never in a million years think to comment on a woman's size, pregnant or not. I have no idea what it is about being pregnant that suddenly makes people think comments on your size are appropriate.

    One girl walked up to me at work when I was about 9 months pregnant and said "looking at you makes me want to go take my birth control."

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  38. Actually laughed out loud several times while reading this. But the random stranger requesting you name your first born after her just really takes the cake.

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  39. Woah...that last lady is crazy! I think you handled it better than I would have because I probably would have just kept walking!

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  40. Okay! I have been thinking about why people are telling you are little and here is what I think. Everything on you still looks small ... except for your baby bump. So really I think it is a compliment.

    Now for everyone else telling you things. That is kind of odd!

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  41. Um, I think I know Piper. ;-) Only kidding. I do know A Piper, but what are the chances?

    My mom let my 7- and 10-year old sisters name me. One chose Laura because of Luke & Laura on General Hospital, of course. Why not be named after a soap opera character? The other chose Beth (my middle name) because she was the prettiest girl at Allen Bowden, and she was in the 8th grade. I’m not sure which is worse. I do like my name, though, except that most people don’t say it correctly. Therefore, don’t name your child Laura. I give you permission to pass on that one.

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