The Point of Everything

5.03.2017

So, hi.

I have so many things to talk about and yet nothing I want to talk about. I reserved four books from the library and of course they all came in at the same time, so I have been plowing through books lately. It’s been nice.

I’m almost 33 weeks pregnant and just now starting to get regular comments about my bump from strangers. I was at the arts festival last week squatting down to look at a piece of pottery, and the artist leaned over and asked, “Do you do prenatal yoga?” Sometimes I forget that I’m even pregnant, so it took me a minute to connect to the point of such a random question. “What?” I said. She smiled. “You just move really well for having that big baby."

So that made me feel pretty good, even though, no, I haven't been doing much prenatal yoga or much of anything at all. I swore I would be more fit this pregnancy, but I'm really just too busy and tired to care about it. I took R on a walk two days ago and tried jogging for 3.8 seconds and got a side cramp almost immediately, so there's that.

Then there was the guy in line at the sno cone stand who looked down at my stomach, chuckled, and said, “Looks like you’ve already had four or five sno cones already.” To be honest, stuff like that doesn’t bother me. I’m not one of those pregnant women who get offended by someone implying that my stomach is big. I mean come on. Let’s not kid ourselves. It is big, and I just laugh right along with them. I'm too thankful for my healthy, growing baby to get insulted by anyone's comments, because they are just making conversation and not really trying to be rude anyway. This, of course, doesn't apply to Jordan, who isn't allowed to comment on my size unless he wants to see The Rage.

Beka sent me our maternity photos, and this is one of my favorites. My two Baby Bums. 

R was a squirmy little bean and basically refused to be held, but we finally got her to cooperate for this one by offering her a food pouch, which she is eating in the photo. Ha! Strategic cropping for the win.

I’m so excited for R to be a big sister. I think she’s going to do so great. And although I realize maternity leave is not a day at Disneyland, I can’t tell you how excited I am to be able to be off work this summer and spend some time just doing my mom role and not with the addition of work and deadlines and rush-hour commutes into the city. 

I finally talked to my boss a month or so ago and figured out exactly what my leave will look like. I got six weeks last time with R, and this time I am thrilled that they agreed to give me eight. Most of that will be unpaid but still totally worth it. I will also be able to work full time from home for a couple of additional months, which I am so thankful for. R was born on a Monday morning, and Jordan went back to work that Thursday. This time he is going to take a full week off, and I’m really excited for that too. All around I feel very blessed and thankful and excited going into this final month and a half of pregnancy.

I feel like I’ve been taking more photos of R lately but sharing less and less of them. As she gets older, I have been feeling that I don’t want to share too much publicly about her. I’m really happy with my decision not to type out her full name on the blog, although I’m sure many of you know what it is, which is fine. I’ve gotten in the habit of typing her initial in texts and emails too, even to my friends and family, which is kind of funny. I plan on doing the same for Baby Boy (yes, he does have a name)!

I guess what I’m saying in a roundabout way is that I’m just not sure what I want to write about right now, so that’s why it might be a little quiet on the blog. I was playing with R a couple of weeks ago, and she does this thing where sometimes she comes over and pats your face or your back, like she’s mimicking what we do to her sometimes. She put her hand on my cheek and looked right into my eyes and smiled, and I swear to you I’m not being dramatic. I actually had tears well up in my eyes as I thought about how much I love her.

And okay, spoiler alert: I’m about to say something that will make me look like a crazy religious nutso. But do you know what that makes me think of? It makes me think about how much God loves me. How much he loves YOU. Maybe you don’t believe that, but I do. I've been taking a lot of comfort in that lately, because life can be really wonderful but also really hard. There's so much uncertainty, and I have been stressing about some of that lately, but at least I have one constant.

I suppose that last paragraph is kind of unrelated to anything else I wrote in this post. But actually if you think about it, maybe it’s also kind of the point of everything.


We may ignore, but we can nowhere evade the presence of God. 
The world is crowded with Him. He walks everywhere incognito.
― C.S. Lewis

30 comments:

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    1. :) Thanks. I really liked it. Although the fact that we had to bribe her with a food pouch to get it to happen cracks me up.

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  2. I love that photo! Beautiful!

    After Caleb turned one, I stopped sharing so many photos and details of his life on my blog too. I still share, but not nearly as much as I used to. I'm good with sharing on FB and IG because my settings are private but the blog isn't.

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    1. Yes, that's how I've been feeling too. It's weird because I can't put my finger on WHY exactly, but I just have felt like, do I need to share this super adorable picture of her with everyone? I want to share it, but I don't want to share it. I don't know. I just feel like I am glad there aren't thousands of photos and stories about me floating around, and so many parents post so much stuff about their kids all the time (hello, pictures naked on the potty!!!!) and I don't really want that for her.

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  3. Wow, those pictures!! I think you should share more (: I'm sure you are so excited for Baby Bum #2! That's so wonderful that you get to be home with them this summer.

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    1. I know I'm super excited about summer! I feel like a teacher. ha!

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  4. Oooo, I hope we get to see more gorgeous maternity pictures! That first one is so beautiful!

    And yes, becoming a parent definitely increased my understanding a hundredfold so as to have a better idea of the kind of love that God has for us. Pretty amazing, really.

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  5. That photo with R is gorgeous! I love the colors of it. Glad I'm not the only one who doesn't get offended when people comment on my belly (most people keep telling me I'm "so small" which seems like it would be a nice thing to hear, but makes me worry I'm not feeding the baby enough or something!).

    Is your company so small you don't qualify for FMLA? Otherwise they'd legally have to give you 12 weeks whether you want it or not...

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    1. Yes, I work for a small nonprofit, so figuring out my leave is more a "negotiation." Legally they are required to hold my job for 6 weeks, but beyond that they don't *have* to do anything for me, so I submitted a proposal to my boss and we talked it out.

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  6. It just amazing to look in your little ones eyes sometimes and just feel that unending love :) Your pictures are beautiful!!

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  7. I love that photo! You have the cutest bump! I also just love how random this post was. I'm excited that you'll be able to stay at home a little extra and work from home some, too! What a special time that will be :) praying for you as you near the due date with your sweet baby boy!

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  8. Oh my goodness that photo is amazing! What a precious moment.

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  9. Those photos! So gorgeous and what a cute moment with R. I love that she's eating in it; it'll make for a cute story to tell her one day. I didn't want maternity photos, but now you have me rethinking it.

    People's comments amuse me. Sometimes I get a bit upset (depends on my mood), but really I just find them funny. One person will tell me "Oh my goodness, you're huge! You due soon?" and the next while say "You are so tiny, there's no way you are 29 weeks along!". Oh people.

    We probably won't share many photos at all of our baby on social media. My Instagram is private, so that helps, but we'll just set up some private Google Photos folders to share instead and maybe her own private Instagram. My husband works in Internet search/spam so he has seen the unfortunate/sad/disgusting things that happen when kids are over-exposed.

    33 weeks! Ah, so close! I love how our maternity leaves coincide with summer. Let's pretend we are on summer break from school, okay? You know, without the sleeping in, long days at the pool, and late nights watching movies.

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  10. Love that picture! So sweet! And I smiled reading about R touching your cheek. Zoe does that sometimes when I feed her and she looks right at me and it's the sweetest thing! I will be sharing less and less as she gets older too. It makes sense.

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  11. I think that paragraph fits perfectly! It really is the point of everything. Love your thoughts on that!

    Also, I am really torn about how much to share about Baby Girl on the blog and social media after she's born. I'm leaning toward making a private Insta account for family and close friends where I'll share ridiculous numbers of photos of her that only family and close friends care about anyway, haha! And then share minimal ones on mine. I actually started a private blog when we found out that we were pregnant where I've recorded all the many, many details of things that I wasn't sure if I wanted on my public blog or not. I think some of it would have been just fine to share, but I haven't regretted not sharing that stuff either if that makes sense. Which kind of makes me think that the private blog may be the direction I go as far as keeping up with all the sweet stories and things I know I want to remember. But then once I have a baby to keep up with - am I really going to keep up with two blogs? I just don't know. I thought I'd have it decided by this point, but I still feel really unsure.

    Also, that photo is just perfect! I love that there's a real life element to it (hello food pouch), but that it's still just so sweet! Your little babies! BABIES! That's PLURAL! Because you have two! I love it!

    And hey, 8 weeks off is awesome!! I know how precious that time will be to you.

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  12. Like everyone else, I love that double baby picture. So beautiful! And yay for some time off work with your little ones! That's going to be so great!
    My bff's little one is obsessed with pouches and it makes me wonder what our parents ever did without them, haha!

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  13. I'm so glad that you'll be able to get 8 weeks off! That's so awesome. And I love that maternity photo-what a beautiful depiction of your motherhood! I'm so excited for you-it's crazy that the little baby will be coming out soon!

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  14. Call it pregnancy hormones, but I totally teared up reading this. Definitely the point of everything.

    The photos are all great but of course, I agree with everyone else - that first one is absolute perfection. Blessings abound! Also - filing away the food pouch during photos idea.... :)

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  15. I love this! Haha, "religious nutso"...I just think your nutso for thinking that your paragraph makes you a religious nutso. ;-) I LOVE your maternity picture preview! Also, I agree about getting offended when strangers make comments about my belly. It never bothers me. I actually kind of like that they notice and care enough to mention it.

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  16. Such a good photo!! And so funny that she is snacking on a pouch during it- whatever works, right?! :) I never got offended over belly comments either. I was growing a person and quite proud of that so comment away weirdos!! I use T's initial all the time now in text to family and friends too, it's easy and sometimes I really do call him T in person. I don't feel like I share a TON about him now, but I do think I feel similarly in that I probably want to do even less as he gets older.

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  17. I say keep writing posts just like this because I loved this one! :) That picture is fantastic and I am sure it's so exciting to imagine R in her role as big sis! That's great about the maternity leave and the longer time off for Jordan. What a special time that will be for your family!

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  18. Love your thoughts and the last picture. Beautiful, beautiful.

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  19. Yay for 8 weeks of leave plus working from home the rest of the YEAR!! Good is so good!! That pic of R and the bump is too perfect for words!

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  20. OKAY way to make me think I'm reading just a random update post and then throw that last paragraph at me. It made me tear up! I feel that way around Jack so often. Like, the tangible love of God in a tiny little hand.

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  21. 8 weeks! That's amazing! I am so happy for you that you get that time to share with your babes. And that picture is absolutely gorgeous. You look so great, and I love that you had to bribe her with a food pouch. Those food pouches are genius and thank goodness to whoever thought them up.

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  22. These pics are gorgeous!! Also, story of my life that all of my books on the library hold list come in at the exact same time. Total bookworm problems.

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  23. I loved this post. So sweet. I'm so happy you're going to have some good time off with your little family after the baby's born. Also, since I am basically a religious nut, I totally loved your last message. And C.S. Lewis is the bomb.

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  24. yayyyy for extra weeks for maternity leave! of course unpaid sucks, but yay anyway. and working from home! that's so great. love that picture of your two baby bums. i hope you share baby boy's name at least once so i remember it, i remember R's from when you shared it (maybe when she was born) and i feel like i know a secret. ha! that all sounds super creepy. i will definitely do the initial thing if/when i have kids. i already know their names. i realise i sound nuttier the more i talk/type so i'll stop now.

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