2 Ways Zumba Has Changed My Life


**Note: This post could have been alternatively titled: 
2 reasons you should immediately join a zumba class
or, where I show you embarrassing dance photos

#1: Zumba gave me the opportunity to upgrade my lame signature dance move to something legit. (Read: legit = still lame but not as lame)

I am maybe the worst dancer ever. Everyone who's ever seen me dance makes fun of me, and it doesn't even make me feel bad because they are right. I am awful, and I make fun of myself, so that's saying something either about my humility or my true lack of dance skills. Probably both. 

My signature dance move is some kind of horrible Macarena flashback. I'm wish I were kidding. Actually when I told Jordan what I was writing a blog post about, he responded with: “Are you going to talk about your dance move?” Then he started doing it in the middle of the kitchen.

Exhibit A--Macarena:

Notice how I'm basically all by myself, and my friend Alison (the bride) is just staring at me. Awkward. 

But I'm in a tough spot, really. It's seriously either the dance move or I'm standing on the outside of the circle looking confused because my mind has gone blank and I can't think of anything else to do. 

Exhibit B--Confused Face:
I suppose I should label my confused face a possible scared face as well. Or, frozen in time, perhaps? (And we're not going to talk about what else is going on in this picture. Just don't worry about it.)

The last half a year of attending a Zumba class once a week has revolutionized the meaning of the phrase dance party for me. Instead of people looking at me and thinking, "Hey, who's that weirdo making a gangsta face?" it's, "I want to steal those sexy dance moves."

Okay it's not really like that.
I'm still the worst dancer ever. BUT, at least I'm more confident. Because I'm in a zumba class that's a hip-hop hybrid, so I've got moves for all the popular songs. Now I can mix in my signature move with other moves so it's not so obvious. The dance floor is now a blank canvas. 

Granted, my new moves are all for arm and leg toning. But who doesn't need to do a few squats on the dance floor every now and then? 

#2: The Shimmy

Before I started Zumba, I could shimmy just as well as any other white girl. Which means I couldn't shimmy at all. But with all these Zumba songs that are all about the shimmy, I've slowly improved so I'm only like 90% white now.

Word, sista. 

So, to conclude, Zumba isn't scary. It's fun! And if you're worried about being bad and looking stupid, don't. Take heart knowing that there will always be someone with worse coordination than you. Case in point: the lady in my class who can't seem to figure out that everyone else is going to the left while she's going to the right. Just don't be that person, and you're golden. 

Well, don't be left-right lady or the girl who never wears an appropriate bra or uses a hair tie. I mean, seriously, who doesn't use a hair tie to work out? And who wants their ladies bouncing all over the place? 

[Here's the part where I write an anonymous letter to the annoying, too-tan Zumba girl]

Dear long-haired Zumba girl, 
When you don't put your hair up into a ponytail, it bothers me. I can see the band on your wrist, so I know you have a hair tie. Do you just like it getting in your face? And also, why do you think a hot-pink bra is a good choice for Zumba class? 

It isn't.
Love, Me

So to conclude, just know your left and right and use a hair tie, and you will soon have more dance moves and be on your way to an upgraded shimmy. Hallelujah. 
Practical Traci said...

I love Zumba. One chick in my class wears a Fedora with her sports bra

Anonymous said...

I am honestly dumbfounded that the girl who doesn't use a hair tie and the girl wearing the inappropriate bra are the same person. How dumb IS this girl?!

In other news... I did zumba for 3 or 4 weeks. I hated it. I'll probably never do it again. The end.


Amanda said...

Traci, that's hilarious! I sort of love her moxie (moxy?) :)

Yes, it dumbfounds me as well.
And I can sort of see you not liking zumba. At least you tried it!

Karen said...

I just read this after checking out your Scavenger Hunt photos. This is hysterical! I love Zumba because in my head I can pretend I can dance. Except for that time I convinced my daughter to come to class with me. After class her comment to me was "I never realized your arms were so long"! Seriously?? At least I wore the right bra :)