Look! I Made a Vlog! Or Not.


This picture has nothing to do with this post, but I just really wanted to show it to you. Because HELLO I NEED THIS IN MY ROOM. 

All caps necessary. I'm just shouted in my head.
My brother found this and sent me a picture, and now I want it! This baby costs over $100, though, so I'll be starting up a collection fund. There will be a minimum required donation of $100.


What I really came here to do is tell you that I wanted to make a vlog for you guys.

I thought it would be fun. You know, so you could hear my voice and watch my awkwardness. I was hoping it would make you all love me more than you already do. And I was going to be nice and pretend like there is room to love me more while knowing that really you already love me the full amount. (I'm right, right? No, don't answer that.)

So I sat down and gave it a solid attempt. Or, should I say: six solid attempts. And each was more horrible than the last.

If you thought taking style pictures was awkward, try making a video of yourself. You'll want to die. I know I'm dramatic about a lot of things, but vlogging really is quite terrifying.

During my one hundred minus ninety-four vlog attempts, I discovered that: 

1) The lighting in my apartment is terrible, and I look like a greasy, yellow hobbit person. I think maybe to fix that you're supposed to shine a light on yourself? I tried sitting by our one window, but then I just looked like a dark shape surrounded by bright light. Yes, like an angel. I think I might be missing something.

2) I know you're supposed to look into the camera, but it's really hard not to look directly at the screen. And by really hard, I mean impossible.

3) When creating a vlog, it's stupidly easy to appear as though you have a double chin when you, in fact, do not.

4) I ramble a lot.
4a) I also mumble. Maybe this is what Jordan's always complaining about?

5) My sister watched the video I was going to post because it was the best out of the worst, and she told me I have no on-screen personality. Now I'm really depressed because not only do I not have a vlog, but there goes Life Plan M. A movie career was right before Life Plan N: "Live in a Box on the Street Corner" and right after Life Plan L:"Get a Job as a Waitress/Call Girl at the New Restaurant: Twin Peaks."

So now I'm just confused. Should I try again? Would anyone even care to watch a vlog? What does one even vlog about?

Also, what kind of stupid non word is vlog anyway? Darn you, 2013, and your made-up words!

Anyway, the point of all of this is to say that I may or may not eventually at some point produce a vlog. But don't hold your breath, and in fact, you should forget we ever had this conversation.

Good day.
Anonymous said...


Charity said...

I would love to see your vlog. I vlog when I feel like I have a short enough post topic. I think they are great and wish I could do it more but sometimes youtube gives me trouble.


LeAnna said...

You chickened out! Chicken! Bwockbwockbwaaawwwkkkk (don't judge my chicken sounds, I KNOW WHAT SOUND THEY MAKE every stinkin' morning at 6 a.m. outside my window). You know the people will speak and you'll have to post it, right?

Claire@MyDevising said...

One time I watched vlog with Ashley (cream to my coffee) and we couldn't stop making fun of it. HOWEVER, these people were way weird and acting 2 kewl 4 skewl. Yours would be way better! I'll totally watch it and I'll totally say lots of nice things if you post it ... pretty please??

Breenah said...

I vlogged once when I had stuff to say, but didn't feel like typing. And if you sit by a window, face out into the light. That should help your angel problem.

Saba said...

Make a vlog! you are hilarious!!


Ashley said...

Haha. I just saw a vlog on another blog I follow. It was pretty cool, but as a non-photogenic (or whatever... not good in front of a camera) Florida girl with an awful accent, I completely understand the aversion to it. Lol.

Curious Runner said...

You are too funny! I would love to watch your vlog, if not just for some humorous entertainment... hehe :)

Kerry @ Till Then Smile Often said...

I feel your pain, I tried to make one and it was horrible!! Here's to getting better with practice!

Katie said...

Oh my goodness, this was fantastic. Here were some of my favorite lines:

"I look like a greasy, yellow hobbit person."

"When creating a vlog, it's stupidly easy to appear as though you have a double chin when you, in fact, do not."

"Also, what kind of stupid non word is vlog anyway? Darn you, 2013, and your made-up words!"

Love love love it. I typically make birthday videos for my friends and even when i'm only sending it to my dearest friends, I am super self-conscious. I always sound and look WAY cooler in my head than I do in real life. This is why I will never vlog. However, I would whole-heartedly enjoy watching your vlog. Seriously. If you never post it, can you just send it to me??? Pretty please!

Anonymous said...

hahaha I totally understand. Allow me to add some sage wisdom. (Ha! Right.)

Always always always have the camera just above eye level. Good bye double chin!

Have 2 lights to get rid of shadows. Maybe a window & a lamp. I mean you want a little shadow so you don't look flat, but it'll soften that. And THAT little pearl is what I'll think about the next time I make a student loan payment & try to convince myself it was all worth it for the Communications degree.

Personally, I love when bloggie buddies vlog! I remember the first time & I was like "Oh hi friend, you're real!!!!" So my preference is to give it another try.

Kelsea said...

I think you should post it, too!!! I've been thinking about doing one, too, but have the same worries. So maybe I'll follow my own advice. I'd love to put a face and voice to a blog!

Allison said...

I want to see your vlog! I can't even take a selfie, so I can only imagine how difficult it would be to actually video yourself. It would take me way more than 6 attempts, I'm sure of it! I think you should post one anyway! One day I just might work up the nerve, too.

Tamara said...

I've vlogged a few times and I have to agree with the fact that you can't NOT have a double chin. So frustrating.

But now that you've all talked it up (or down?) I HAVE TO SEE IT.

Callie said...

I don't know that you should necessarily post your vlog; if you're that unhappy with it, then maybe just keep practicing until you do like it. Also, you should watch other vlogs to try to identify your style. Like John Green's vlog with his brother Hank!


Britt and Hive said...

This is the very best list ever.
The whole 'greasy, yellow hobbit person' has me a little grossed out. seriously. You cannot look that bad.