5 Funny Things I've Heard Jordan Say

9.27.2013

(This will be Jordan's face when he discovers that I've written a post about him. I SHOW NO MERCY.)
I talk about myself a lot on this blog, and I've written about me doing some embarrassing stuff. You know, stuff like BE ALIVE. Seriously, I've pretty much done something awkward and/or ridiculous within seconds of waking up.

But don't be fooled. 

Mr. Lady Okie adds his own ridiculousness to the crazy pot, and today I am going to share some of them with you. You're welcome.

Upon waking up 

Him: "I just had the best dream."
Me: "Oh yeah? What was it about?" (Me thinking: It was probably about me! How sweet.)
Him: "My mom brought me dinner. TWO plates of fried chicken and rice a roni. Mmmmm. It was so good."

Lesson learned: Men really do think about food all the time. Specifically their mama's food. 

One day, I found him flexing in front of the mirror.

Him: "Look at this!"
Me: "What?"
He flexes again. "No matter how much I eat, the top two abs never go away!"
Me: Blank stare.

Lesson learned: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE LESSON IS. Maybe that men can't count? Um, honey, I love you, but you're 4 short of a six pack. Now stop flexing and come eat mac 'n' cheese from a box with me!

While browsing the Internet: 

Him: Check this out! Kim Kardashian has blonde hair now. 
Me: Cool?
Him (after a pause): Yeah, I'm ashamed I clicked on that link.
Me: You definitely should be.

Lesson learned: Even men can be hoodwinked by the lure of the Kardashian women.

While playing a video game: 

Me: Dinner's ready!
Him: I'll be there just as soon as I can warp back to base.

Lesson learned: I will never understand video game lingo, and I'm not going to try.

While cooking: 

Me: I'm going to make breakfast for lunch. Pancakes, bacon, and eggs. 
Him: That's weird. Pancakes and bacon don't go together.
Me: Blank stare.
Him: Oh yeah. Nevermind.

Lesson learned: Men don't actually pay any attention to what they're eating. I'm pretty sure pancakes and bacon have been eaten together since the beginning of time.


Amen.

25 comments:

  1. Warp back to base? HAHA. I never will understand the lingo either.

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  2. Hahaha this was great! Food and video games... Sounds familiar!

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  4. Oh my gosh. Hi. I just met you, but I already know that we're best friends. Some things you should know about me: I'm hilarious, and sometimes come on a bit too strong.

    :)

    My husband gets the blank stare all the time. He's actually started asking me why I don't even acknowledge what he's said. Sometimes I think if I don't say anything, it never really happened. You know? Anyway, I really only stopped by to say hi, and that I'm going to subscribe as soon as I finish typing the LONGEST hello in recent history. HI!

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  5. Lol men say the funniest things. My favorite was when my boyfriend was playing in a big box with the kids. When they got bored, he kept laying in the box, just talking with me. Out of no where he tells me "When I die, don't bother spending a bunch of money on a casket. This'll do."

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  6. Haha this gave me a good laugh!!

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  7. This is too funny. :) Sounds like me and my best guy friend. Except I'm more like Jordan most of the time. Lol.

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  8. What a perfectly delightful post idea! I could probably write my entire blog about stuff my husband says, and then I'd never have to stare blankly at my computer screen again, trying to come up with something to write. Loved it! Happy Friday!

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  9. haha too funny! Boy, men and women are SO different, aren't they? Happy Friday!

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  10. Oh man, the Kim Kardashian one! Love it!

    (And now I have to go google "blonde Kim Kardashian." Thanks a lot!)

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  11. I recently admitted to liking the song "Wrecking Ball" and my lovely boyfriend responded with, "it's catchy right? It's a good comeback too after that performance."

    I didn't really know what to say after that.

    Men say the darndest things.

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  12. Ummm, this whole thing made me LOL. Literally, not like just saying it. My husband plays video games too and I can quote random crap he yells out at the screen!

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  13. Haha I love it! Men can be so different from each other, yet all too similar at times. I like the idea of seeing more of our guys on the blog occasionally :)

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  14. Hahaha this is great, I wrote about it but one day we were watching TV and Fredrik was acting really confused and then all of a sudden turned to me and said in a very excited voice " o yeah whales are f****ing huge"!

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  15. I totally agree with the video game thing! What is the appeal there...haha

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  16. I will never understand the video lingo either!! Since when have pancakes and bacon not gone together?! Haha!

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  17. HA! This had me laughing out loud on my train ride home from work. Oh men.

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  18. Haha I loved reading these. The flexing in the mirror thing...my husband totally does that. And the top picture is just plain hilarious.

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  19. Oooh the video game one! My boyfriend is a big video game nerd and I definitely just smile and nod when he talks about it :) You are too funny!

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  20. video game lingo always results in me giving blank stares. it's such a weird dialect that I refuse to understand!
    also the kardashian hair...bleh blonde hair is not her look...but I love that he said "i'm ashamed I clicked on that link" haha

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  21. Oh boy. Husbands say the darndest things. Haha, poor Jordan. :)

    This reminds me... Riley talks in his sleep and I've started writing down the ridiculous things he says so that I can read them back to him. I just have to wait for the right time to ask for his posting approval. Timing is everything when it comes to these things.

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  22. HA! Great catches! A and I keep a quotes book where we write down ridiculous things the other says. Makes for some good times looking back.

    eileen ragan | leaner by the lake

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  23. So so so funny! I actually have a "what the husband says" list of quotes in my "to blog" notes on my phone. At least they are good for one thing, hehe.

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  24. Haha men are seriously in love with their mother's food. My husband I think is more excited to eat his mother's food than to see his parents when we go visit them!

    Totally agree with the video game lingo! We routinely have conversations until he stops mid-sentence when he "fights a boss" and never finishes our convo. Boys will be boys!

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  25. Hi! Melinda here from Jenny's blog. Wow! You really ARE funny!! And now that I'm at YOUR place, I can even say you're the funniest! Just don't tell Jenny!!

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