Makin' Me Crazy (The Wedding Version)


It started with a pair of black hoop earrings.

Jordan and I were over at our pastor's house for our last pre-marital counseling session, sitting with Ryan and his wife, having an only slightly awkward conversation about the birds and the bees. I was sitting on the couch, and I remember taking my earrings off because they were hurting my ears.

I could have sworn I put them in my purse, but when I went home I couldn't find them anywhere. I checked my jean pockets and the pockets of my coat and every other pocket I could think of. Nothing.

Resigned to my earringless fate, I signed and decided they would turn up eventually.

It continued with a card.

Last week, Jordan came over to the apartment and brought a few wedding gifts that had arrived at his parents' house earlier that day. I picked up one of the boxes and found a green rectangle underneath. Inside was a card that Jordan had picked up for me earlier that day. It was super cute and sweet and all that, and after I read it I put it on the table and turned to open the wedding presents.

Later that night, I went into the kitchen to find the card. I looked on the counter, the table, checked in all the boxes. Nothing. Then I looked through the trash, which didn't yield any results. I went to bed sad and annoyed that the card had seemingly disappeared into thin air! When Jordan came over the next day, I made him look for the card too, but he eventually determined that it was gone. 

I was supposed to make cinnamon rolls with a friend the next morning, and as I was getting into bed, I remembered that I had told my friend I would check the ingredient list and let her know if she needed to bring anything. When I pulled out my cookbook and opened to the cinnamon roll page, I found a green rectangle. Yes, it was the card. Sitting calmly in a painfully obvious place that wasn't really obvious at all.

Something was going on. I'm really not one to lose things, and I usually can remember where I put my stuff.

It ended with keys. 

Last night Jordan and I drove over to a friend's house for wing night. When I got out of my car, I locked it and put the keys in my purse. Or so I thought. A few hours later, as we walked back to the car, I told Jordan that I couldn't find my keys.

We looked in my purse. In Kyle's apartment. I looked through the trash for the second time that week. My keys were nowhere. Luckily, Jordan has a key to my car, so we we could at least drive home. On the way, we called everyone who was at Kyle's to see if they somehow had taken my keys. No one did.

Jordan was pretty annoyed, but for some reason I wasn't super upset. I felt sure they would turn up, and if they didn't, we'd just have to get duplicates made.

He dropped me off, and I went inside (I borrowed Jordan's key to the apt). Then I decided to check my purse one more time.

I held it up, shook it, and heard the soft jingle of keys. Knowing I had a bottle of pills, six dice, and loose change also in my purse, I didn't think too much about the jingle. But as I continued to remove items from my purse (something, I might add, I'd done earlier), the jingle didn't fade. Finally, I looked inside and noticed a pocket that was zippered shut. I opened it, and there were my keys.

How embarrassing. After calling my friends, making them look through their pockets and purses, my lost keys were with me all along.

I called Jordan to tell him, and he laughed at me. "What is happening?" he asked. "This isn't like you."
And that's the point. This isn't like me at all. What the heck?

Then, today at church, our pastor came over to me after the service. "Hey, did you leave a pair of earrings at our house?"

I couldn't even respond; I just stared at him for a second before saying (rather loudly): "Yes! Yes I did. I lost three things this week. Good grief."
"Well," he replied, "you've got a lot on your mind."

Yes, yes I do. But I had no idea how much it was affecting my ability to behave like a normal person. Apparently a lot.

UPDATE 5/01: Jordan lost his checkbook. I looked through the trash (again) and in my car and all over the apartment. I found it this morning in my car. So not only are we misplacing things at an alarming rate, but we're stupid while looking for the aforementioned misplaced items. Gah!
LHawk said...

Apparently we were meant to make those cinnamon rolls, otherwise you wouldn't have found that card ;)

Yay for deliciousness!

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Anonymous said...

1) When a character on Army Wives started doing this, it turned out she had traumatic brain injury.

2) What? Of COURSE I'm not watching the entire series of Army Wives on Netflix IP. Why would you think that??

3) I thought of you and this post today when I went to hang out with those friends I was telling you about. They didn't answer the door. I knocked on three different doors and nothing. And I don't have their phone number, so I eventually just left, feeling awkward and kind of annoyed. When I got home, I checked the FB messages and found I had written the wrong date in the calendar. Supposed to be tomorrow. Oops.


Amanda said...

Laura, yes! delicious!

Audra, 1) Now you've made me worried.
2) Hahahaha. That made me laugh.
3) This also made me laugh.

[see: my comment on FB about you amusing me. indeed you do]