Why the Bachelor Contestants are Crazy

1.17.2013

I got a comment on my last post that someone thought something terrible had happened to me, due mostly to the emo picture and dramatic lighting and also partly because of the Bible verse. When someone quotes a Bible verse, you know it's getting serious. 

So let me just say that no, nothing terrible has happened to me other than two nights ago, when I made a terrible awesome fashion decision and put on my nightgown from LLBean (my Christmas present to myself, thankyouverymuch) and then I added sweatpants AND...wait for it...a hoodie ON TOP OF my nightgown.

Holy moly, right? 
My husband is a lucky, lucky man.

ANYWAY, moving on to more important things like The Bachelor.

Right now, everyone I know is crazy about this show. The only season I actually did watch straight through was the one with Jason (above) and Melissa. That was the season with the awkward on-screen breakup during the "after the final rose"--the breakup that ABC tried to pretend was real but was completely staged. 

I don't watch it on my own because I now watch The Biggest Loser, which is also on Monday nights, but I have a group of girlfriends who watch The Bachelor every week, and every so often I go watch it with them because everyone knows it's funner to make fun of stupid people with a group of friends. 

I think we can all agree that the people on this show are ridiculous. What I have always wondered is why? Where do these loonies come from? Well, today I looked up the casting application, and let me tell you--it is awesome. No wonder the producers are able to find such nut jobs. Following are a few of my favorite questions from the application. You can tell they're really trying to weed out the quality people.

Have you ever been arrested, charged or convicted of a crime of any type?
If so, please give details and dates. 


They start off with a relatively normal question. This is something basic you put on a job application. But then here's the followup question...

Have you ever had a temporary restraining order issued against someone or had one issued against you?

Who wants to bet the ABC producers actually LIKE it when someone says yes. 
Bring on the psychos. Like this chick:

Do you drink alcoholic beverages? What’s your favorite drink?

Why do they want to know this? They want you to get drunk so you do weird things like this:

If you have been previously married, why are you no longer together?

Please refer to question two. That restraining order speaks for itself. 

List the date when such marriage(s) were legally dissolved.
This can only mean they've had people apply who are still legally married. Now that would be a twist.


Do you have any tattoos? If yes, what are they? And where are they located on your body?

I just don't understand this question. At all. Knowing this type of information is only relevant if you're planning on doing this: 
And it's really not even relevant then.

The application ends by asking contestants to submit anywhere from 5 to 15 pictures.
Fifteen pictures? That seems excessive. Hopefully no one is submitting any like this:
Although I do feel like we should know in advance how a person looks while crying. The uglier the better, I say. 

ABC is kind enough to also offer the option to submit a casting video. Apparently they've got some real dummies applying via video. Check out the taping instructions I found. Here are my favorite requirements:

#6: Do not chew gum.

#7: Make sure you are framed properly. A medium close-up shot is from just below the waist to just above the head, like this: 

This is serious. That picture is actually in the directions. Because the sentence isn't clear enough, I guess. And the stick man is WINKING. Winking! 


So there you have it. Obviously those casting questions are perfectly staged to find the wackos. I bet any girl who has a restraining order out against her is automatically in. But, after all, that's why it's so much fun to watch. Not for the love stuff but for the pure insanity. 

(P.S. For some fun Bachelor recaps from the current season, check out Helen's blog.) 

7 comments:

  1. Omg this post was hilarious! And I totally forgot about the After the Final Rose breakup. That was definitely one for the books!

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  2. Haha this is so funny! The only season I watched was with Jason too - some friends were watching together so I went for it. It just got so ridiculous that I couldn't take it anymore and I haven't watched it since!

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  3. i'm so glad you included info on how to apply! i can only imagine some of the things they are looking for because those woman are crazy! but I still love it!

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  4. I too sleep in a double layer of pajamas including 2 layers of pants, a t-shirt, and a hoodie. Curtis has no idea what he is in for! And I guess that probably disqualifies me for the bachelor...

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  5. I do not know anybody who watches The Bachelor (except you now, apparently). But I do find it mildly disconcerting that you were interested enough to hunt down the application requirements.

    However... I did laugh about the stick figure.

    OH - and when I got arrested (remember that weird time when that happened when I was with Jenn? HA), they asked me for a description of my tattoos, how many, and where on my body they were. No idea why, but they also asked about my religion and marital status. I say that not to tell you that these are normal questions for any situation, ever, but just to affirm that people are weirdly and inappropriately curious about tattoos.

    -A

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