Awkward + Awesome [volume 3]

2.06.2014


This is also known as the post where Jordan and Amanda fail at life and you get to laugh at us while we laugh at ourselves. You guys, it's concerning to me how easy it is to find awkward things to write about.

Let's get started.

Awkward: realizing you're wearing two scarves. There are no words, only this picture:
There's nothing quite like taking off your scarf and realizing there's another scarf underneath.

Awkward: going to the bathroom at the end of the work day and realizing your underwear is inside out. I don't know.

Awkward: changing into your pajamas and realizing you were wearing your shirt inside out AND backwards all day. It was a tagless tee, so I'm not that stupid. 
But I'm a little stupid. 
(Note: this is a different day than the inside out underwear. I don't know if that makes it better or worse. Then again... can it really be better?)

Awkward: your husband is brushing his teeth, and all of the sudden from the bathroom you hear, "Hey! I have pot pie in my beard." 

Then you cry a little bit inside.

Then you tell him that if he can't keep himself under control, he should think about shaving his beard.

And the MOST awkward of all that has happened recently...

Let's just say it ended with this:

And let's also say that no one was seriously injured. You should also know that Jordan 100% supports the publishing of this story.

I really wish I could do this story justice in prose, because it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. However, you probably had to be there to understand just how ridiculous this was.

Two weeks ago, Jordan and I were heading out to dinner because we had a Chili's gift card burning a hole in our pocket. As we walked around the corner of our building, we started racing each other toward the car (because we're five years old). That's when Jordan did a football spin move (because he's five years old).

He misjudged the diameter of his spin, ran into a tree, and fell flat on his back. 

When I first saw him on the ground, I thought he was joking. I mean, who runs into a tree and falls down? But then he looked at me, and I saw his face was bleeding! I was concerned initially, of course, and we ran back upstairs to survey the damage. At this point I was doing a weird half laugh half sob. Because it was funny and ridiculous, but he was also bleeding so it was scary.

The lighting is terrible in our bathroom, so I don't know if you can really see all the damage this branch did to his face, so I made a diagram, because apparently I have nothing better to do with my life.


It could have been really bad. As in, he could have literally poked his eye out. His eye was cut both below and above his actual eyeball, and he had a bump on his head, so it's a blessing he didn't hurt himself. HOWEVER, even as I got him a wet washcloth, and he sat down on the couch, neither of us could stop laughing.

We didn't go to dinner, because he was too embarrassed to go outside. He kept saying, "I hope no one saw me!" He even wanted to stay at home and not go to work the next day. It looked like this for a week:

And everyone was like, "WHAT HAPPENED?!" 
So he made up a lot of stories like how he was sailing on the lake and the mast hit him in the face or how he got cut in a knife fight defending my honor. But ultimately he had to tell the truth and admit that he ran into a tree, which I personally think is the best story of all.

To be fair, this "tree" was really a death trap waiting to happen. They trimmed some of the mini trees in our complex a few months ago. This is what he ran into:

But still. 
Scary horror movie tree or not, who runs into a tree???
My husband, that's who.

And not that this is awkward or awesome, but we both caught the stomach bug last week one after the other. It was kind of like this.

If we're keeping score, these past few weeks it's been like:


Life: 8764932 / Bumgarners: 0

At least we're keeping it awkward. I mean really, if you can't laugh at yourself, what's the point?

38 comments:

  1. I'm curious of how you managed to wear to scarves, ha ha! At least underwear inside out is better than underwear backwards :) That tree looks pretty deadly! He is lucky that he didn't poke his eye out, yikes! But it does make an awesome and hilarious story.

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  2. That is such a funny story about your husband. I say two scarves = more warmth. I've also worn my underwear inside out but who really sees, right?

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  3. Hahaha sorry to Jordan but I definitely laughed out loud at his story! Seriously though, glad his eye was okay. I've had some interesting injuries myself... My brother still likes to remind me of the time I crashed my bicycle into someone's mailbox...

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  4. I've found my underwear inside out multiple times.....I'm so ashamed. I've also found underwear stuck inside my pant leg halfway through the day because of static from the dryer....

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  5. I was laughing so hard reading this post! You two are hilarious. Those trees definitely look spiky and dangerous and my husband would have probably done the same thing! I'm so glad y'all are feeling better, though. Stomach bugs are the worst!

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  6. I've done the inside out nudie thing and I'm a good one for finding out my tags are still on half way through the day. Your poor husband!!!! That could have been so much worse!

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  7. That tree injury is awkward AND awesome! I'm glad he wasn't seriously injured, though!

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  8. Awww your poor hubby but I can definitely see how it could be funny as well as scary. I'm notorious for that half-laugh, half-sob thing. And don't feel too bad about your underwear being inside out...I am also guilty of this akwardness. :)

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  9. I can't tell you how many times I have discovered my underwear inside out!

    Poor Jordan! But how funny! Chad and my first valentine's day he got knocked upside his head playing basketball, so our "date" ended up being me and him together as he was getting stitches in his forehead…at a gynecologist office! ha ha ha! The doctor was a friend of someone at the gym, so he did us a favor. But quite awkward and memorable, to say the least!

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  10. he ran into a TREE? poor Jordan. on the other hand... a football spin? that, my friend, is hubris.

    :P

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  11. hahaha. He ran into a tree! I mean, I only laugh because I know he's ok. But hahahahahaha!
    I once ran straight into a sliding glass door. Long story short, it had been open for a while. I didn't realize my parents closed it until I tried to sprint outside. You can only imagine how that went.

    I'm also embarrassed to admit how many times I've gone to work only to realize my underwear was inside outside. It's like.. I can't figure that crap out. I don't even know.

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  12. i'm so glad that he didn't poke his eye out!! but i definitely laughed when i saw that scary tree!!!

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  13. Funny but kinda not, as you said. Wow. When we were kids we knew an older man who, when he was in his 20s, was riding his bike in the dark and rode straight into a tree branch.. He did poke his eye out and wore a glass eye, which scared/fascinated us. We asked him regularly to tell his "bike and tree" story so we could shiver and then involuntarily touch our eyes to make sure they were both still there.

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    1. Oh my goodness! Okay, that would have been TERRIBLE if that happened to Jordan!

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  14. The underwear thing? Happens to me ALL THE TIME. You are not alone in that aspect of your awkwardness.

    Also, that tree looks like a freaking jerk so he probably did it on purpose just because he was jealous of how amazing Jordan's beard is.

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  15. Yikes, that is a deadly looking tree! Glad he is okay-ish!
    Riley's beard is looking a lot like Jordan's. I supported it, and even encouraged it in the beginning because living on a sailboat seemed like a pretty good excuse for trying it out. But now he refuses to get a hair cut as well, and I'm starting to have second thoughts. Especially after I heard him yelp in pain the other day when his mustache got stuck in his beer can...

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  16. Yikes, I'm glad he's ok! (I just wrote a gross eye injury story but then realized it was too icky and deleted it.) This post made me giggle at my desk. I've done the two scarf thing more than once this winter! And inside-out-underwear? Well, it's hard getting dressed in the dark! I sympathize.

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  17. Pretty sure I started laughing at my computer and all the guys looked at me weird! Loved this post forever!

    ~Katy

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  18. Haha! This is kind of hysterical. Sorry Jordan! But since he wasn't terribly hurt it's okay to laugh now right?! Hope you have a fun and harmless weekend!!

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  19. I love these posts.. they always bring me a laugh :) That story is too funny... I'd react the same way in a fit of laughter/sobs. After all, who DOES run into a tree? LOL. I'm glad your husband is okay!

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  20. Haha, this post cracks me up on so many levels!

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  21. oh my gosh that cut looks so painful! your awkwards make me laugh though :)

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  22. You two need a reality show, because seriously too funny! Glad he wasn't seriously injured that tree does look like an accident waiting to happen, which in fact did happen. Ouch!

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    1. Sometimes I really do think we need a reality show :)

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  23. I'm not going to lie. I laughed when I read that last story but I am happy he's okay and still has two eyes.

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  24. This is hilarious! You crack me up :) On all seriousness, I'm glad he is okay and I'm glad you share your awesomeness with us :)

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  25. I laughed out loud through this entire post. I'm so sorry for your husband's face, but that's hilarious. And, the inside out underwear thing? Happens to me all the time.

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  26. This gave me such a good chuckle! Laughing at yourself is an essential part of enjoying life to the fullest!

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  27. Yeah we have a bad history of tree branches in our house, one day we were on a walk and Fredrik just had to pick up this giant tree branch he saw and carry it along with us. When we were close to home though he realized he had no need for this giant stick and threw it straight up in the air at which point I panicked and we both starting running around trying to avoid being hit on the head by the giant stick hurling through the air.

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  28. Oh my gosh!!! That had to hurt!!!! Poor guy! And wait, wait, wait...did you seriously wear two scarves!?? lol. Absolutely LOVE it!!

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  29. Oh no! Ouch! I just love your trajectory. Haha. And it's been so cold here that I would not be surprised at all if I ended up with 2 scarves on either! Haha.

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  30. As awful this may be to admit, people who fall down never fails to make me laugh. Sometimes I even laugh before asking if someone is okay. I am not sure what it is, so inappropriate. That being said, I am glad your hubby is okay but I laughed out loud until I cried because this something my husband would totally do (which I am now picturing in my head which makes me laugh even harder)!

    Cheers,
    Alyson

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  31. Haha, I realize I'm wearing my underwear inside out ALL THE TIME! The awkward part is figuring out whether to continue wearing them like that for the rest of the day (assuming this realization is made in a public restroom) or to awkwardly turn them around in the stall. I've done both.

    Wow, that looks like quite the malicious tree there! So funny he ran into a tree, but glad his eye is okay!

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  32. You guys are both so awesome. This weekend, I had convinced myself that I only needed 23 Valentines for my daughter' daycare and school classes even though one is 13 and one is 11. I thought I misplaced one when I used up all of the 24 that I printed. It did not occur to me until this morning, discussing the count, that I actually did need 24 and I fail at math.

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    Replies
    1. Hello! I saw your comment on your blog, but I'm not sure if you mean you want to respond here or on mine? In any case: afe2afs@gmail.com

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    2. *I saw your reply on my blog....gah!

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  33. Well, I guess I'm officially terrified of trees. I mean, who knew they could do that much damage?!

    It's good to know that I'm not the only one who occasionally accidentally puts my underwear on inside-out.

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  34. I really love that you guys can laugh about life together :) AND I'm glad Jordan is ok!!

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