Also, while I like flying and don't mind the airport itself, security always makes me sweat. Apparently I look like someone who could cause possible harm to others, because I am always without a doubt asked to step aside for "additional screening."
On this particular Wednesday I had nothing in my pockets, my hair in a ponytail, held two carry-on bags, and was wearing flip flops, shorts, and a tank top, and yet they still nodded at me and ushered me to the side. What, I wondered, did they think I was hiding in my yellow and black Vera Bradley bag?
I was asked by a kind-looking security guard to hold out my palms so he could swipe them with this weird stick. He then ran the swab in front of a screen.
As I sat calmly in the uncomfortable blue chair he'd forced me into, he looked over at me and said, "What did ya do to yerself?"
"What?" I asked. I assumed he had found some odd residue on the swab and wanted to know what I'd been up to earlier in the day.
"Did ya fall or something?"
"What?" I asked again.
"Yer wrist," he said, gesturing to my right arm.
I looked down and saw the small, hard bump that rests permanently on the join of my right wrist.
"It's a cyst," I said. "It's filled with water."
"Oh. I thought maybe ya fell on it when you were a kid or something."
"No, I've had it for a few years now. It won't go away unless I have surgery."
"Hmmm," he said. He nodded at my bags and told me I was free to go. Then, as I turned, away, he hit with an inspired gem of a [read: not] helpful idea.
"Why don't cha try to freeze it, like they do with warts?"
I almost laughed. "Uh...yeah. Okay."
"OR!" he continued, oblivious to the stupidity of his suggestions. "Ya know they have that wart remover stuff. Ya might try it."
At that point I mumbled thanks and something about giving it a try. Then I walked off, shaking my head and wondering why I hadn't first considered wart removal cream to get rid of my cyst. And why they always pull me aside for additional screening.
After all, they've got a security guard who recommended freezing a cyst off. Clearly there are bigger things to worry about than me and my Vera bags.
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