After Much Deliberation...


I have decided to cancel my plane ticket and stay in Oklahoma this weekend instead of flying to Seattle to hang out with Kristin and Justine and run in the Hillbilly Half Marathon

If you don't think this is a good idea, too bad, because I already did it. 
And you would be wrong anyway, because this is a good idea. 

As soon as I found out that Jordan's grandpa's funeral was Saturday at 1:00, I knew I had a decision to make. And it was hard, because just because Jordan isn't actually officially my family for another two months doesn't mean he isn't family. And more important than any plane ticket. 

I thought a lot about it, though, because I had to decide what my motivation was. Was I canceling because I was scared of running the half marathon? Was I canceling because I was tired and stressed and wanted to move into my apartment a week earlier than planned? 

Was I canceling because I wanted everyone to see what an awesome, self-sacrificing fiance I was? 

I'll be honest, that last question made me pause.
Because staying here because of what other people would not be right.

But ultimately I realized that the real reason I wanted to stay was because if it were my grandpa, staying or going wouldn't even be an option. I would stay. End of story. And Jordan's family is my family now, so whether or not other people thought I should or shouldn't stay didn't matter. Because I didn't feel right about going.

And it honestly doesn't matter to me if anyone even knows I'm there. I'll know I was there, and I'll know I stayed; supporting someone you love takes sacrifice, and I know that might sound a bit dramatic for the circumstances, because it's just one little weekend. But I was really looking forward to it, and this decision was difficult for me.

I realize writing a post about staying might seem contradictory, because if I really wanted to do what I just said, I wouldn't tell anyone I stayed. But I've been posting about the race, so I at least felt the need to explain why I won't be writing a post-race update.

Today, I feel completely confident that I made the right decision; and I know that weeks or months down the road, I won't regret not going to Seattle was much as I would have regretted missing Papa Bob's funeral. And being there for Jordan and his family.
Lauren said...

Omg, I just watched the "sex & the city" episode where they all go to the funeral for Miranda's mother & I BAWLED the whole time. Because it's not so much about death as it is about supporting eachother. And so I just got a tiny bit teary reading this too b/c it's the same.

And sometime writing a post about these things is a really good way to process for yourself, so don't worry what other people think.