I went tanning yesterday for the first time ever.
And before you get all you're-one-of-those-brides on me, realize that I have built-in tan lines from years of summer tennising (a few years ago I made tennising a word) and really want to look my best for my wedding.
Thus, the tanning.
I had no idea what to expect, but (strangely) it didn't occur to me that I would immediately feel like I was being baked. The lights turned on, and I had these thoughts:
it's really bright in here
am i going to go blind?
better keep my eyes shut
this bed is going to lift off
and take me into outer space
with the robots and black holes
and then i'm going to die
Once I'd convinced myself to calm down, I spent the next 10 minutes trying to remember if I'd told the girl ten minutes and not twenty. That led to wondering if it would, in fact, shut off after ten minutes. Which led me to start counting "mississippily."
I only got to twelve before I felt uncomfortable lying flat and tried moving.
After hitting my right knee rather hard on the top of the space shuttle, I decided to just stay flat.
At some point I wondered if I was supposed to flip over, but then I remembered hitting my knee and realized that, no, I really shouldn't move.
It was probably during the eighth longest minute of my life that I found myself wondering how on earth people fell asleep in these things. I just knew that if I fell asleep I'd never wake up.
When the shuttle finally landed, I crawled out of my oven and had never been so happy. I got back to the apartment, and Jordan was there.
"Your face looks red," he told me.
"It's because I'm flustered," I said.
All that to say...
I'm not sure what to think about tanning.
It was mildly terrifying and mostly just weird.
Can't say I'd recommend it.