A Blizzard and 3 Eggs


Well, it's here. The snow apocalypse of 2011 hit Oklahoma last night. That's why I'm snuggled up in my bed, wearing pajamas, trying to convince myself to work. Ewww....I never worked on school stuff when there was a snow day! Once again, being an adult is lame.

Anyway, here's the view from my window:

Exciting, I know. You can't tell, but the wind really is blowing fast, and there's snow flying through the air. Still, this isn't anything I haven't seen before. 

I won't lie. My first instinct when faced with the prospect of snow in Oklahoma is to be all I'm-from-Chicago-and-not-fazed-by-the-so-called-blizzard. This comes across as somewhat snooty, which isn't really what I'm going for. But it does make me sound awesome and important, so maybe it is.

The last time it snowed was the day Jordan asked me to marry him. I woke up at my grandparents' house on Sunday, the day after Christmas, to a good amount of white covering everything I saw out the window. 

Yesterday, when I considered the prospect of a snow day, I decided that would be a good time to make cupcakes. I knew exactly where my muffin cups were, and I happened to have cake mix and frosting. The only thing I didn't have were eggs. 

That's where my brilliant cupcake plan went horribly awry. 

Blissfully ignorant, I grabbed my cloth shopping bag (because I want to save the world) and headed to Walmart for some eggs. What I found instead was everyone in town, empty shelves, and NO eggs. Seriously. No eggs in the entire store. Not only that, but no canned vegetables, no frozen food, no milk. 

Was I missing something?

I wandered around and found a few other items I wanted then got in line. I think I was eleventh in line, maybe twelfth. That's how I found myself in line at Walmart, holding my five items, sandwiched between two carts that were packed to the brim with bottled water, canned goods, and five cartons of eggs. While I contemplated whether or not I had time to snatch three eggs from the top carton before the person noticed, I heard a loud crash. 

Some idiot three people in front of me had dropped a twelve-pack of bottled beer on the floor. Before I even had time to glare at the guy who looked barely older than twenty-one, beer was pouring out onto the floor.

Apparently the Walmart in my town has never experienced a spill of any kind, because no one knew what to do. A few workers milled about, offering non-helpful suggestions, to which I wanted to respond (but didn't because it wouldn't have been polite): No, you cannot soak up the liquid from twelve bottles of bear with one roll of tissue paper that might as well be Kleenex. And no, you cannot try to form a levee with your feet. And no, kind older greeter lady, you cannot use a broom to SWEEP UP BEER INTO A DUST PAN!  

I wondered if I was the only one watching this insanity. Mind you, this entire time I hadn't moved forward in line because the guy at the register was continuing to argue with the cashier about a coupon for chicken. Dude, if your electricity goes out, what good are five pounds of raw chicken? (At least, that's what I thought was happening. I couldn't see too well because I was so far away from the actual front of the line.)

All things must end, however, and I was eventually able to sidestep the beer, and someone competent finally got a mop. I paid for my food and left the store, clutching my bag in my arms, fearful that someone would somehow notice that I had found the last can of corn on the shelf and fight me for it. 

I was still eggless, by the way.

"I know!" I said to my steering wheel once I was safely in my car with the doors locked. "I'll go to Homeland for eggs."

I'll save you the trouble of an involved story and just say this: the egg situation wasn't any better. Apparently, when faced with the prospect of two days stuck inside your house due to a blizzard, people cook...omelets? Or maybe everyone was baking cupcakes? I have no idea.

My last option was Jordan's mom. Surely she had eggs. Turns out, she did. And yes, I could borrow three of them to bake cupcakes. I carefully placed them in a Tupperware container and hopped in the passenger seat of Jordan's truck. We were headed to Bible study at a friend's house, and I don't know why I felt the need to take the eggs right then instead of waiting until later to bring them home. I think I was still in survival mode. Take it now, or it won't be there later. 

We were driving along, me happily cradling the container holding my precious eggs, when Jordan reached over to hold my hand. (I love when he does that.) Just as I held my left hand out, he said, "It's too hot," and reached his right hand for the heat knob on the dashboard. 

The next thing I knew, my container of eggs was upside down on the floor of his truck. 
I let out a horrific screech the likes of which has never been heard before. (Okay, so maybe I just yelled, "Ah!") 

"Did I break them?" he asked, looking guiltily at me. 

I held the see-through, round container up to the light and saw six white halves floating in yellow yoke.

"Yes. They're all broken."

Yeah. He should be sorry. He didn't know what I went through earlier what with the empty shelves and the broken beer and the raw chicken. 

In keeping with my pattern of anti-climactic endings, I'll just say that Lory was nice enough to let me take three more eggs. I have since continued to feel guilty about having taken half her carton when there's a chance we might never be able to buy eggs again. But what I feel even worse about is that now, happily at home with eggs in my fridge, I don't actually feel like making cupcakes.
Geoff Reese said...

funny funny funny.

LeAnna said...

This made me LOL! People do the dumbest things when it snows in the south. If you're ever in this predicament again, check with me. I have 8 hens in the backyard, and usually have the precious commodity that is known as egg.

Saxon @ Lets Drink Coffee, Darling said...

Haha, we had to brave the storm (not the actual weather, the storm at walmart) earlier. We've seen people posting pictures of walmarts all over the country with no bread, no milk, and no eggs. lol Its just crazy how the whole state turns into an absolute madhouse largely due to Mike Morgan's exaggerated weather forecasts!

Amber Marie said...

Oh my goodness, how do you make the best stories out of EGGS?! ha ha ha. So, if the snow does come again this year, then please for the good of your readers venture out for them again.